Celeb Owen Wilson Practically Dead, Begs for “Peace, Please!”
posted by on August 27 at 14:34 PM
Late last night, whist you and I dreamed of the no fucking Simpson’s (God damn you, “Teen Choice Awards!”) dark and terrible things were going down in the life and in the stomach of one certain Owen Wilson.
Sources at the source report that at approximately 12:15PM, Mr. Wilson and that strange nose of his were madly rushed to an emergency room for a frantic stomach pumping, as the poor guy seemed to have downed several fist and/or bucketfuls of an unspecified toxic substance (Klonipin? Glue? The sperm of Ryan Seacrest? Speculation is pointless), in a confusing and apparent attempt to end his tragic Owen Wilson-ish life.
The police, who just can’t keep their mouths shut, said,
“Officers from the Santa Monica Police Department responded to a medical assistance call from the Santa Monica Fire Department at the 900 block of 23rd Street. The person was transported to a local hospital where they are being treated.”
“The person” was, of course, Owen Wilson, and besides telling us where he lives almost (I’ll be climbing through the window with my designs on the underwear drawer any minute), it tells us almost nothing else. And neither does Owen, who has apparently recuperated enough already at some mysterious facility for the rich and possibly suicidal to release this vague and detail-free “statement”:
“I respectfully ask that the media allow me to receive care and heal in private during this difficult time.”
Good luck there, you big drama queen.*
Kate Hudson was busy French-kissing the hell out of some dork in public, and was not available for comment. But of course it’s all her fault.
*Also, suicide is a bad thing.
At least he didn't drive a motorbike into a house.
Call me strange but I think Owen Wilson is kinda cute. I mean, is he at least 6'2" Let me know! 'Cause I may stalk him!!! (kidding folks)
"Mmm, groceries make me so fuckin' horny. GRAB ME!" What?
Wow. You're right. Suicide is hilarious. Ask anyone who's lost someone to it. Non-stop fucking hilarious laff-fest. Jackals.
What's with the snarky tone of this post? The poor guy tried to kill himself.
i agree with 4. the guy is probably going through some tough times. would you want the media all over your business if that were the case for you? movie stars are people too.
and further more, the mere fact that he helped write the royal tenebaums ranks him as pretty respectable in my book.
Owen Wilson and Ellen DeGeneres are the same person, right?
Man, why couldn't someone have slipped him/her another few more fistfuls of pills?
Yeah what's with the tone? Are you relishing this? gosh.
adrian, your writing makes me want to never, ever read slog, the stranger, or any other publication willing to give you a platform.
luckily, you are pretty easy to ignore.
Oh, the tears of the Butterscotch Stallion are saddest tears of all.
Thanks Perez...I mean Adrian...again.
Tribal arm band tattoo and a latte from Starbucks... Nice! I never really got why people liked her, but this photo assures me, it's not for ME to "get".
There is too much Adrian! bashing going on in this thread. For that I am speechless, and offended.
tone? indeed. don't kill the messenger, people. he just might kill you back first.
Suicide is painless,
It brings on many changes,
And I can take or leave it if I please...
well, it's painless unless you aren't successful. Poor Owen? Yeah his life is SOOO tough! Suicide is for selfish people, attention whores and people who just can't deal. What was his biggest problem? Kate Hudson dumped his ass? Gimme a friggin break!
Where's the story on Hulk Hogan's son almost killing some guy while street racing? Huh?
i would echo that adrian ryan makes me question whether or not i want to read the stranger. the whole 'black irish' post was racist enough and more importantly for a journalist very badly researched.
Well, if your gf was Kate and she was snogging someone ...
Just glad he didn't jump off my bridge.
Maybe he was upset because someone sent him the script to another 'Shanghai Noon' sequel.
His desperate attempt to drum up a little excitement by adding the exclamation point to his name is pathetic. Like those stupid license plates that say "Utah!"
@15: You obviously have no clue about what suicide is or isn't. You are callous, bitter and uncaring. And hey, was that you who told me to jump off the freeway overpass in Seattle when I was PSYCHOTIC and my life held in the balance on the outside edge? Well, luckily the police grabbed me and pulled me back over the railing before I became road kill, but thank you and people like you very much for being assholes to people when they are in their lowest moments of life. I couldn't help being psychotic, but you can help being an asshole. GROW UP and quit being POO!
@19
Don't knock the exclamation. I use it every now and then when I'm feelin' frisky.
And FYI: the ruling in "Adrian! v. Utah!" clearly stated that Adrian! held all legal rights to the exclamation. The mormons have been bitter. ever. since.
word.
OWEN WILSON I WISH YOU A SPEEDY RECOVERY
-------------------------------------------------
ONCE AGAIN WHEN A CELEBRITY WHO HAS MAD US LAUGH MAKES A TRAGIC MASTAKE, WE CRUCIFY HIM!!!
FOR ALLYOU ASSHOLES WHO ARE MAKING SUCH STUPID COMMENTS, PUT YOURSELF IN HIS SHOES. DEPRESSION IS A SERIOUS ILLNESS. PEOPLE DON'T KNOW THEY ARE SUFFERING FROM DEPRESSION MOST OF THE TIME, THEY JUST THINK THEY ARE HAVING A BAD DAY. YES, HES HAS ALL THE MONEY IN THE WORLD, THAT DOES NOT MAKE PEOPLE HAPPY. MAYBE FOR A WHILE. I ASK ALL THE STUPID AND SMART PEOPLE, "TO BE AT PEACE WITH THEMSELVES AND GOOD TO OTHERS, MAYBE THEN THIS WOULD BE A BETTER PLACE TO LIVE, BECAUSE WE ARE SO JADED AND COLD HARTED. WELCOME TO AMERICA.
-------------------------------------------------
OWEN WILSON I WISH YOU A SPEEDY RECOVERY!!!
FROM YOUR FRIEND TONY DIAZ
OWEN WILSON I WISH YOU A SPEEDY RECOVERY
-------------------------------------------------
ONCE AGAIN WHEN A CELEBRITY WHO HAS MAD US LAUGH MAKES A TRAGIC MASTAKE, WE CRUCIFY HIM!!!
FOR ALLYOU ASSHOLES WHO ARE MAKING SUCH STUPID COMMENTS, PUT YOURSELF IN HIS SHOES. DEPRESSION IS A SERIOUS ILLNESS. PEOPLE DON'T KNOW THEY ARE SUFFERING FROM DEPRESSION MOST OF THE TIME, THEY JUST THINK THEY ARE HAVING A BAD DAY. YES, HES HAS ALL THE MONEY IN THE WORLD, THAT DOES NOT MAKE PEOPLE HAPPY. MAYBE FOR A WHILE. I ASK ALL THE STUPID AND SMART PEOPLE, "TO BE AT PEACE WITH THEMSELVES AND GOOD TO OTHERS, MAYBE THEN THIS WOULD BE A BETTER PLACE TO LIVE, BECAUSE WE ARE SO JADED AND COLD HARTED. WELCOME TO AMERICA.
-------------------------------------------------
OWEN WILSON I WISH YOU A SPEEDY RECOVERY!!!
FROM YOUR FRIEND TONY DIAZ
OWEN WILSON I WISH YOU A SPEEDY RECOVERY
-------------------------------------------------
ONCE AGAIN WHEN A CELEBRITY WHO HAS MAD US LAUGH MAKES A TRAGIC MASTAKE, WE CRUCIFY HIM!!!
FOR ALLYOU ASSHOLES WHO ARE MAKING SUCH STUPID COMMENTS, PUT YOURSELF IN HIS SHOES. DEPRESSION IS A SERIOUS ILLNESS. PEOPLE DON'T KNOW THEY ARE SUFFERING FROM DEPRESSION MOST OF THE TIME, THEY JUST THINK THEY ARE HAVING A BAD DAY. YES, HES HAS ALL THE MONEY IN THE WORLD, THAT DOES NOT MAKE PEOPLE HAPPY. MAYBE FOR A WHILE. I ASK ALL THE STUPID AND SMART PEOPLE, "TO BE AT PEACE WITH THEMSELVES AND GOOD TO OTHERS, MAYBE THEN THIS WOULD BE A BETTER PLACE TO LIVE, BECAUSE WE ARE SO JADED AND COLD HARTED. WELCOME TO AMERICA.
-------------------------------------------------
OWEN WILSON I WISH YOU A SPEEDY RECOVERY!!!
FROM YOUR FRIEND TONY DIAZ
OWEN WILSON I WISH YOU A SPEEDY RECOVERY
-------------------------------------------------
ONCE AGAIN WHEN A CELEBRITY WHO HAS MAD US LAUGH MAKES A TRAGIC MASTAKE, WE CRUCIFY HIM!!!
FOR ALLYOU ASSHOLES WHO ARE MAKING SUCH STUPID COMMENTS, PUT YOURSELF IN HIS SHOES. DEPRESSION IS A SERIOUS ILLNESS. PEOPLE DON'T KNOW THEY ARE SUFFERING FROM DEPRESSION MOST OF THE TIME, THEY JUST THINK THEY ARE HAVING A BAD DAY. YES, HES HAS ALL THE MONEY IN THE WORLD, THAT DOES NOT MAKE PEOPLE HAPPY. MAYBE FOR A WHILE. I ASK ALL THE STUPID AND SMART PEOPLE, "TO BE AT PEACE WITH THEMSELVES AND GOOD TO OTHERS, MAYBE THEN THIS WOULD BE A BETTER PLACE TO LIVE, BECAUSE WE ARE SO JADED AND COLD HARTED. WELCOME TO AMERICA.
-------------------------------------------------
OWEN WILSON I WISH YOU A SPEEDY RECOVERY!!!
FROM YOUR FRIEND TONY DIAZ
Comments Closed
In order to combat spam, we are no longer accepting comments on this post (or any post more than 14 days old).