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Wednesday, August 1, 2007

Once In A Career

posted by on August 1 at 16:12 PM

Every artist burns to make a masterpiece. Every collector burns to own it. And every critic burns to discover it before anyone else does.

It has been discovered.

The first person to find it was a hungry writer, a man without money enough to buy shampoo. It had been abandoned in the apartment building where he lives, and when he came across it, he was—as you soon will be—stunned by its power.

He brought it to this office, where I caught sight of it.

Before I talk about this remarkable work of art, I’d like to stress its place in the canon. With a work like this, you have to begin with the Byzantine madonnas, like this one from 1325, by Paolo Veneziano.

madonna.jpg

In addition to drawing from the divine geometries set forth in compositions like these, the contemporary artist in question—we do not know who this hero is!—has also mastered the skill of sfumato, or “smoky” drawing, that was such a specialty of Leonardo da Vinci. Here’s his drawing of an old man’s face. Our contemporary artist uses the technique on the female nude’s majestic head of hair.

LdVpic1.jpg

But it isn’t fair for me to make you wait any longer to see this masterpiece. Because she’s nude, I’ll mark it NSFW. But how could a work of this subtle, sensitive glory not be safe—nay, nourishing—for any environment?

Thank you for bringing this into the office to show me, Brad. You’ve done a service not just for yourself and for me, but for the whole of humanity.

View image.

RSS icon Comments

1

I can't express how horrifying that is.

Posted by ljg | August 1, 2007 4:18 PM
2

So I guess i should give up my hopes of an artistic career now, eh?

Posted by Dianna | August 1, 2007 4:20 PM
3

Brilliant.

Posted by Carollani | August 1, 2007 4:27 PM
4

I think that just made me gayer.

Posted by boxofbirds | August 1, 2007 4:42 PM
5

Admirable brush strokes on that giant boosh!

Posted by Matthew | August 1, 2007 4:52 PM
6

Oh my. That was definitely worth the look!

Posted by Frappé LaRue | August 1, 2007 5:12 PM
7

was this by any chance painted on the back of a denim jacket?

Posted by brandon | August 1, 2007 5:12 PM
8

for brandon @7:
it is on some denim jacket, somewhere, of that you can be sure, and for that it rawks, as much as denim jackets w/ cheesy images can....as for the picture: I like it, but my taste, lets just say it's often "questionable"

Posted by hipsterlite | August 1, 2007 7:21 PM
9

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