Celeb Hellbitch Snatches the Only Man I’ll Ever Love; Then Cheats Like a Filthy Whore!
posted by August 6 at 13:01 PMon
Last week somebody reported the horrible, horrible news that Reese Witherspoon had, through diabolical means no doubt, somehow enslaved the mind of Jake Gyllenhaal, and now he thinks he’s dating her. And me? I was pretty darn pissed. Sure and youbetcha.
Now it is reported that the evil two-timing bag of sperm has been seen lunching and eating and having lunch and generally getting along really too, too well with her bitter, bitter ex, the equally gay and scrumptious Ryan Phillipe! (The father of her children! The WHORE!) An evil source reports:
“Reese and Ryan are trying to work it out. They are still close.”
But…but….butt….what about poor darling Jake? There’s been nary a word from his camp, as he’s been sucking my dick and finds it particularly difficult to comment on the situaion just now. Ahem.
Miss Witherspoon, you have incurred my terrible wrath. Despair!