Life An Open Letter to Mothman
posted by on August 2 at 12:08 PM
Dear Mothman:
You suck.
I bet you had something to do with the collapsing bridge in Minnesota. It’d make sense, we all know you were there in the 60s when that bridge in Point Pleasant collapsed, you freak of nature bastard. You seem to like wreaking havoc. I wonder, has anyone in Minnesota seen Mothman lately? He’s hard to miss with his fucking huge-ass moth wings, glowing red eyes, and razor-sharp teeth.
My friend Matt seems to think you’re a superhero, Mothman. He says you might be trying to warn people about inevitable tragic events, or perhaps even stop them from happening completely, but do you warn anyone about anything? Have you ever stopped anything terrible from happening? No you have not! You just scare the shit out of people, make them think they’re going crazy, and then leave when it’s over.
Fucking jerk.
I saw that movie with Richard Gere, so I know how you work. I know what signs to look for and it just so happens that I’ve noticed some weird shit lately. I mean, I’m not getting any phone calls from dead people or anything, but the other day my wireless connection cut out for no reason at all. That same afternoon, my cell phone stopped working for about an hour. Was that you, Mothman? Was it?! Are you here? Are you going to bring down the viaduct? What little tricks do you have up your sleeve/disgusting wing?
Whatever it is, Mothman, you should know that I hate you. You’re creepy and you’re ugly and you’re mean. You’re no superhero, you’re a giant evil bug. Stay the fuck out of Seattle. We’ve got those little insect-capturing cardboard tents on trees all over the place, and insect repellent is on sale at Walgreens (two for $7!). We’re prepared to take you down.
Megan, you're so unoriginal.
Megan, I would totally not fall in love with you like I did with Winona Ryder's character in Autumn in New York. Why? Because you think you're really witty, but your not.
How dare you attempt to wear Adrian!'s fashion! Take it off! Now! Bad! Bad Megan!
Megan, shouldn't you be writing about some crappy 10th generation punk-lite band over on line out?
You're more advanced than a cockroach, have you ever tried explaining yourself to one?
Long before the movie came out, I was a member of Moth-team Strike Force Alpha. We did not succeed in taking out Mothman in his West Virginia habitat. I suspect you likewise will not prevail in the foul mists of the Northwest, when he returns for a reprise of that unfortunate event in Tacoma.
Qetzalcoatl is The Thunderbird Is The Mothman is Indrid Cold.
Bigfoot's Cane from The Bible.
Megan's got a Weezer poster tilted 15 degrees to the right hanging over her trundle bed. She practices making out on her teddy bear "Mr. Reeves" (as in Keeanu). She has a ticketstub from a Dogstar show at Rkcndy from back in '96. It's like, totally prescious ya know?
i snickered out loud...
It's a regular lemon party in here.
I propose we genetically engineer a giant cat so it can chase the Mothman and eventually eat it.
Have you seen David Horvath's vinyl Mothman action figure? Do want.
@9: I'm not sure what a lemon party is. Is there some sort of website that would demonstrate what you're talking about?
CCCHHHHAAAAPSSSSSTIIIIIIIICK!
When life gives you a lemon party, piss in the lemonade.
@12--Wow, you really like pictures of yourself eh?
According to urbandictionary.com, a lemon party is "A nice little orgy involving three older, overweight men with flacid penises." Not exactly sure how it relates. But I'm with you on the Mothman thing. I bet he totally did that bridge in Minnesota. He's a bastard.
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