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Wednesday, July 18, 2007

The Morning News

posted by on July 18 at 7:00 AM

Fear Mongering: Report says Al-Qaida is getting stronger. Are we really doomed, or are somebody’s poll numbers just really, really low?

Troops: Afghanistan needs more of ‘em to stabilize democracy.

Ganging Up:
Anti-gang legislation and crackdowns are actually making things worse.

No Deposit, No Return: Man discovers he isn’t the father of his son, can’t recoup child support.

He Was Die-Cast For Your Sins: Wal-Mart to sell a 12-INCH TALKING JESUS DOLL!!! Voiced by Bobcat Goldthwait.I wish.

Drugstore Cowboy: Bush Administration had drug control board officials shill for vulnerable GOP candidates, despite a 1994 law barring them from political activities.

Bringing Your Work Home With You: National Guard sniper allegedly shoots his wife, then himself.

Harry Dies: New Harry Potter book leaks on the net. Or did it?

No Surprise: Exxon and Enron have been helping shape our national energy policies.

Two Turkish clips today, both are probably NSFW:

First up: oh snap! It’s the Turkish Exorcist!

As a bonus, I’m including a clip of the totally badass Turkish action flick, brilliantly titled “Death Warrior.” After watching this, If you don’t have an uncontrollable urge to punch a ninja, something is wrong with you.

RSS icon Comments

1

I seriously hope that wasn't a real Harry Potter spoiler in the news section. I've only had myself on a kind of media lock-down for the last two months trying to avoid spoilers. I was assuming the Slog was safe and that the Stranger staff aren't dicks looking to ruin someone's enjoyment of a book series they've been reading for years. If it wasn't a real spoiler I apologize but if it was...you're a giant asshole.

Posted by JessB | July 18, 2007 7:23 AM
2

JessB beat me to it. Why the fuck would you guys post this? Do you just assume none of your readers are among the 16 million people who are going to be buying the book?

Sometimes you guys are like a real newspaper, and sometimes you're just like a bunch of bright but immature college students.

I'm just not going to open the link, and see what happens.

Posted by Big Sven | July 18, 2007 7:47 AM
3

No shit, I didn't click it either. I'm going to hope for the best but I'm not fucking optimistic. Seriously, this ruined my goddamn day.

Posted by JessB | July 18, 2007 7:56 AM
4

Oh shut up. Harry doesn't die. He almost dies in order to kill V, but he doesn't die.

Posted by Mr. Poe | July 18, 2007 8:17 AM
5

Psych! No, really, nobody knows what happens. The leaked books are all pretty much considered fan-fiction. They're written poorly and they have obvious mistakes in characters names and what have you.

Personally, I do not believe Harry will die.

Posted by Mr. Poe | July 18, 2007 8:19 AM
6

There is apparently only one action star in Turkey. This is the same guy from the Star Wars takeoff a couple days ago. Clearly Turkey's answer to Chuck Norris.

I especially like the liberal use of the off-screen trampoline for teh totally believable flying kick stunts!

Posted by SDA in SEA | July 18, 2007 8:21 AM
7

Holy crap! Yasser Arafat died of AIDS! http://www.israeltoday.co.il/default.aspx?tabid=178&nid=13412

Posted by Fnarf | July 18, 2007 8:29 AM
8

DO NOT CLICK LINK - POSSIBLE HARRY POTTER SPOILERS

Check this out.

That's the closest I've come to being convinced in any way, shape, or form. Still...

Posted by Mr. Poe | July 18, 2007 8:30 AM
9

Harry will live on forever and ever and EVER.

Posted by Hype Hype Hype | July 18, 2007 8:32 AM
10

Thanks, Poe. I feel better. But I'm going to go into news blackout- see you all Sunday...

Posted by Big Sven | July 18, 2007 8:37 AM
11

JessB said it first. WTF Jonah?

Posted by Jessica | July 18, 2007 8:44 AM
12

...thanks for 5, I mean. I didn't read 8 for obvious reasons.

I really shouldn't try to drive & type & shoot crack into my eyeball & telecon all at the same time. Not in stop&go I-405 traffic, anyways...

Posted by Big Sven | July 18, 2007 8:46 AM
13

You Harry Potter fanboys are funny. Hehe. :-)

Posted by SDA in SEA | July 18, 2007 8:48 AM
14

In HP7, Hermione learns to dance:
http://discowitch.ytmnd.com/

Posted by supergp | July 18, 2007 8:49 AM
15

FanGIRL here, SDA. But yes, in essence, giant dorky basement dwelling fanboy at heart.

Posted by Jessica | July 18, 2007 8:52 AM
16

FanGIRL here, SDA. But in essence, a giant dorky basement-dwelling fanboy at heart. Except, you know, with social skills.

Posted by Jessica | July 18, 2007 8:53 AM
17

goddamned double post. sorry.

Posted by Jessica | July 18, 2007 8:54 AM
18

Fuck! Slog's on my Do Not Click list until Sunday.

Posted by Kate | July 18, 2007 8:57 AM
19

Why the anger? I clicked on the link, and if you only read the first few paragraphs, still no spoiler, true or not.

That being said, it's just novel people. What is wrong with Americans that they can't wait until midnight Friday?

Yes, I'm going to the opening night event or whatever, but I have to wait until my friend with money reads it before I can borrow it. Perhaps I'm just envious..

Posted by Tiz | July 18, 2007 8:58 AM
20

GODDABNIT YOU CANNOT POST SPOILERS OR (POTENTIAL SPOILERS) TAKING STEPS TO PROTECT THOSE WHO WANT TO BE SURPRISED!

Posted by owza | July 18, 2007 9:57 AM
21

Did you guys forget is National Hot dog day? Head to costco for a buck "fity" youse can get a dog and a bottom less drink.

http://216.239.51.104/search?q=cache:GdCSZVaqhTIJ:www.hot-dog.org/brochures/2007HDMPlanningGuide.pdf+2007+hot+dog+planning+guide&hl=en&ct=clnk&cd=1&gl=us&client=firefox-a

Posted by SeMe | July 18, 2007 10:00 AM
22

Jonah,

Dude, seriously, you'd better not frak around with Potterheads. They will chase you with a busted beer bottle!

Posted by Original Andrew | July 18, 2007 10:13 AM
23

Jonah is a muggle bastard. I am so going to put on my wizard hat, grab my wand made of unicorn feet and expelimus him off my computer.

;p

Posted by Original Monique | July 18, 2007 10:35 AM
24

Dudes, I think Jonah was obviously being flippant. His news blurb says "HP Book leaks blah blah ... or DID IT?" So by implication, his lead, "Harry Dies" is followed by the unsaid "OR DOES HE?" There are only two possibilities, so how much can you really get spoiled?

I'm pretty phobic of spoilers, but try to relax. Now that we think the book's been leaked, any asshole can say whatever he wants without any back-up.

Posted by Gloria | July 18, 2007 10:39 AM
25

If Rowling isn't bullshitting everyone and the character's death is intended to end the series once and for all, then I don't see how Harry can possibly survive. Kill off any other character and the books can continue indefinitely.

Posted by keshmeshi | July 18, 2007 10:58 AM
26

The whole "Harry dies" theory is based on him being one of Voldemort's horcruxes...which makes no sense; if Voldemort believed he had to kill Harry, why would he place a part of his soul in him?

He may die fighting him, I don't know, but that will be depressing as hell. I also hope none of the kids dies....but I'm worried about the Weasley parents.

Posted by Dianna | July 18, 2007 12:41 PM
27

@26

Harry is not a Horcrux. Those are items; as you will find in the 7th book. Harry, however, is the only one able to destroy them. By only, I mean he is not. Dumbassdore could, but you know, that would ruin the entire dynamic that ever book has repeated.

Posted by Mr. Poe | July 18, 2007 1:19 PM
28

Um, Mr. Poe, I said he's NOT a horcrux..and horcruxes aren't necessarily object; Dumbledore suspects that Nagini, the snake, is one.

And geez, bitter much?

Posted by Dianna | July 18, 2007 1:26 PM
29

@28

I'm not lying when I'm saying I'm drunk right now. I drown my workload with alcohol during lunch @ Rock Bottom.

So, given that, now that I've actually read and understood what you've said -- sorry.

Posted by Mr. Poe | July 18, 2007 2:08 PM
30

Hey, you're forgiven...I usually get a kick out of what you have to say, even when I don't agree with you.

Posted by Dianna | July 18, 2007 2:25 PM
31

There are times you do not agree with me?!

Posted by Mr. Poe | July 18, 2007 4:19 PM

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