Takeru's cooler.

"America! Fuck yeah!" (props to Trey Parker and Matt Stone)

“Google search ‘American Idol’ tomorrow and you’ll see the names Abraham Lincoln, Neil Armstrong, Taylor Hicks…and Joey Chestnut.”

Oh, God.

Um, that's obviously not really me above. I have a brain, and I know how to make an argument.

Also, you're usually not nearly as long-winded! ;)

Besides, in typical fashion, America will quickly turn against its latest hero, when revealing video footage of the "champion" appears on YouTube later today, showing Mr. Chestnut kneeling in a honeybuck backstage, hurking up 66 hotdogs in 15 seconds; ironically giving him two world records in one day.

what the hell does that novel above have to do about hotdogs. this paper has an unhealthy obsession with weiners. the stranger should make the hot dog eating contest its official sport. why not start a league. The Stranger Hot Dog Eating league for men. As for that guy chestnut, i feel sorry for his toilet. it better not be one of those low flow deals.

Well since shoveling as much food into your mouth as fast as you can is not just America's sport, its our fucking everything, its about time we won the damn contest. At least were number one in something. USA USA USA USA

Hey Dan, how many cocks are you imagining slipping into his mouth and anus? I am sure that the hot dog reference can go un-aknowledged. Can you tell us next week in your column where you will advocate full body scat play?

Definately a hero.

this is why I love ESPN!

I don't need to read Solzheinitzen or care about Guantanamo. I did time in California in the 80s.

That Texan ain't shit. He's just showing off how American's refuse to over analyze. I think it's awesome.

If there is justice in the universe the winner will have a massive heart attack. It is shit like this that clearly shows we are not only in decline but also a bunch of fat asses.

If they were mint Milanos, I'd compete.

Oh man. I just watched it. Those commentators were hilarious. "Joey Chestnut...he may indeed have changed the course of this nation... he may have righted the course of this nation...Joey Chestnut". And yes, they were kidding.

Cato apparently doesn't know squat about competitive eating - a genuinely grueling physical endurance test that dominated not by the fat, but by the fit. See Eat This Book by Ryan Nerz to get the inside story on what is, quite possibly, the most punishing sport in the world.