Celeb Um, Okay, I Feel Bad for the Bitch Now!
posted by June 4 at 13:19 PMon
Mr. (Ms?) Wm. Steven Humphreyô earlier queried quite a query. Basically, it was something like this: Do you feel sorry for Paris fucking Hilton, now that sheís slammered away? DO YOU? Can you muster a drip of compassion for the bleach-blond bag of money-dipped-in-sperm? And if you didnít feel the tinniest twinge of sad for her before, do you NOW—-after watching that horrible video that he posted of Sarah Silverman at the MTV VMAs or whatever? Do you? DO YOU???
Well I fucking do. Now.
Some perspective: When I was thirteen like Paris is or whatever, goodness knows, I certainly snorted my share of coke from the huge hard cocks of many anonymous black men and various relatively interested bystanders. I wasnít even a billionaire yet. So itís not like I canít empathize. (Hey, weíve all been there.) Of course I never, EVER, drink (or lie), and I didnít learn to drive until just last Tuesday. And Iíve forgotten that gain already. So luckily Paris and I donít have the DUI thing in common. Thank God. Knock wood.
But, see, I simply canít abide rudeness. Cannot. Fucking. Abide. It. Sure, sheís going to jail, it will probably (forgive me) do her some good (lesbian sex is expansive for the soul), but really Iím very British about the situation. As is the tradition of all good Brittishers or whatever (I AM half British, you understand. The other half is Irish, and thatís the half that doesnít drink or lie) Iíd sledgehammer your children to death in their beds, but Iíd never be rude to your face. Ergo, I feel sorry for Paris. The entire VMA or whatever audience applauded and cheered her pending incarceration—-Jack Nicholson practically shat himself ——and she was SITTING RIGHT THERE. My God. RIGHT THERE!
And now…well. Et tu, Madame Taussauds?
RUDE RUDE RUDE RUDE RUDE! I CANíT STAND IT!
So. Now I feel sorry for Paris Hilton. I never wanted to feel sorry for God damn Paris Hilton. I donít WANT to feel sorry for God damn Paris fucking-slut-bag-coke-whore-money-up-the-greasy-twat-evil-stuck- up-biznatch Hilton. But now I do. I blame Sarah Silverman.
Fuck the fuck you, Silverman!