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Thursday, June 28, 2007

The Morning News

posted by on June 28 at 6:54 AM

Bush to Congress: Drop dead.

DAMF: Twenty decapitated bodies found near Baghdead—on the same day car bombs killed 35, wounded 57.

The Death Penalty in Texas: or, The Mentally Ill Executing the Mentally Ill: Should we put crazy people to death? Maybe not, says Supreme Court.

Run, Al, Run: Gore leads poll of Dem voters in New Hampshire.

What Can Brown Do For You? Bush’s immigration bill “shedding supporters” as it faces crucial vote today.

We’ll Always Have Paris: Hilton underwhelms in post-prison TV appearance.

Made in China: More “tainted,” i.e., poisoned, toothpaste discovered in United States. Pet food, children’s toys, toothpaste—Jesus, we could save space on those labels if we replaced “Made in China” with a tasteful little skull and crossbones.

Repent! Repent! God continues to punish Texas, sending more floods to punish his wayward gun-loving, immigrant-bashing, capital-punishment-crazed children there.

Spice, Spice, Baby: Posh, Ginger, Sporty, Scary and… uh… Dopey? Ropey? Mopey? Anyway, the Spice Girls are getting their act back together and taking it on the road.

Is Your Cat Missing? It might have something to do with this.

You Think? The mayor and police chief think that maybe—just maybe—we might need to contemplate having a discussion about whether or not the “time may be ripe to review the current system of police accountability,” seeing as how it, you know, doesn’t work for shit.

Attack of the McMansions: Bellevue contemplates restrictions on “megahomes.”

Jazz Hands, Everybody: This morning’s Fosse goes out to Mark Mitchell, who requested “Hey, Big Spender” from Sweet Charity. It is, without a doubt, Fosse’s most iconic work. A line of taxi dancers, aka hookers, attempt to get the attention of a john. In the film version, for some reason, Fosse slowed the number down, and it drags a bit at the beginning. But hang in there—it’s worth it for hair and makeup tips alone.

And now watch in awe as the girls—good Catholic girls, one assumes—attempt to recreate Fosse’s choreography in this high school production of Sweet Charity. Alas, no beehives. And this clip of another high school production features choreography for couch potatoes—the girls hardly get off their asses.

And here… because… well, my God, how could I refrain from posting it? Freddie Mercury and Queen performing “Hey, Big Spender” in 1975. Please note: Freddie Mercury was believed to be heterosexual in 1975, and Queen was popular with straight high school students everywhere. Ahem:

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Is there anyway that we can simply put Al Gore on each of the state's ballots for the nomination without him actually filing? Seriously, I am thinking we should simply draft Gore to run for the Presidency. And it would not be the first time the Democrats have done that. Admititidly a bad example is FDR and the 1940 election. FDR said he would not seek a third term but he would be hard pressed not to run if the party renominated him. (Yeah, I know he was really running but it was a great PR stunt, something the Dems seem to have forgotten to do these days).

I have hunted around on the internet and am still coming up empty handed if each of the states can simply get him put on the ballot. Thoughts? I mean I will vote for Hillary if I have to, and I like Obama but just wish he had more experience but he would be a super VP!

Posted by Just Me | June 28, 2007 7:25 AM

God just called - he said he's actually punishing Texas for Texas native Erica Barnett's dog-hating, disabled-scorning ways.

Posted by Trey | June 28, 2007 7:47 AM

Where are the jazz hands today?

You get me all hooked and today I don't get my fix.


Posted by patrick | June 28, 2007 7:50 AM

Joe Dziemianowicz hands us about as much substance in that article as Paris did on TV. Zzzzzzzzz.

Posted by Mr. Poe | June 28, 2007 8:20 AM

Also, Seattle just lost its Supreme Court case:

Justices toss out public school choice plans that use race as a factor

WASHINGTON (CNN) -- The Supreme Court ruled Thursday that public school choice plans in Seattle and Louisville relied on an unconstitutional use of racial criteria. The 5-4 opinion reflected the deep legal and social divide over the issue of skin color and education.

A conservative majority led by Chief Justice John Roberts said "the way to stop discrimination on the basis of race is to stop discrimination on the basis of race."

More than a half century after the high court outlawed segregation in public schools, the justices were deeply divided over one controversial outgrowth of that decision: What role race should play, if any, in assigning students to competitive spots in elementary and secondary schools.

The cases from Kentucky and Washington state revisit past disputes over race and education, stemming from the landmark 1954 Brown v. Board decision. --From CNN Supreme Court Producer Bill Mears (Posted 10:24 a.m.)

Dan, I'm having a bad day. Fix the country. plskthxbyebye

Posted by Kat | June 28, 2007 8:23 AM

Jazz Hands posted!

Perhaps God is punishing Texas for ECB... God is, as we've seen, a lousy shot. He sent tsunamis to Thailand and Indonesia because he was pissed off about the gays getting married in Massachusetts. And he drowned little old ladies in their attics in the 9th Ward because he upset about the gays getting busy in the French district, which was unscathed by Katrina.

That's God for you--omniscient but nearsighted.

Posted by Dan Savage | June 28, 2007 8:27 AM

"Baghdead?" Freudian slip, anyone?

Posted by Justin | June 28, 2007 8:37 AM


How's about it, palsy?

Posted by patrick | June 28, 2007 8:40 AM

He also has pretty bad aim if He's punishing Texas for all it's conservative cluster-fuckery by hitting Austin, a very blue island in a sea of red. Spare us poor souls in Travis County; it's not our fault the rest of our state is full of assholes!

Posted by Stacy | June 28, 2007 8:40 AM

Freddy Mercury is cool. And indeed, I had no idea.
It's all about Brian May, though. The electric guitar player.

Posted by Josh Feit | June 28, 2007 8:49 AM

Don't forget about this lovely piece about Exodus International, , on the leaders becoming "disillusioned with promoting gay conversion". Not quite as good as two of the male leaders falling in love, but I'll take it.

Posted by Lesley | June 28, 2007 8:54 AM

I had missed that particular Freddy Mercury video clip.

God damn, he was awesome! It's been so long and I sometimes forget. His death made me so angry about AIDS. I've mellowed over the years, but still, his loss was terrible.

Posted by SDA in SEA | June 28, 2007 9:09 AM

Thanks Dan. That broad who keeps her cigarette in her mouth throughout the number is my Spiritual Leader in all things glamorous.

I'm looking forward to tomorrow's final installment.

Posted by It's Mark Mitchell | June 28, 2007 9:24 AM

Re: Immigration Bill DOA

First off, that immigration bill is flat out inhumane and preposterous.

Depending on whichever amendments are approved, an illegal immigrant may have to come up with $5,000 plus other fees and back taxes just to get the Z Card. That may be an afternoon’s shopping trip to Neiman Marcus for a US Senator, but how many day laborers, restaurant workers, and hotel staff do you suppose have an extra $5 grand laying around? I will tell you: zero.

Second, again depending on which version ends up approved, the head of household must return to their home country and somehow hang out there for awhile until they’re approved for entry into the US. So, I guess they’re supposed to abandon their children to the US foster care system? WTF?

Third, there’s the whole issue of prioritizing immigrants with job skills over family members which would force families apart. It’s clear that this bill is an impractical, unworkable train wreck that will do little to nothing to solve our immigration issues.

I do want Bush to keep pushing it though because it’s turning the “corporate plutocrat” part of his base, who must want the cheap labor very badly to keep forcing their puppets in the government to propose it, against the “KKK, Bible zombie” part of the Republican base whose heads are about to ‘splode in a “paranoid racist rage.”

Let’s just sit back and watch the fireworks since the bill itself is DOA. I hope that Spanish language TV and radio keep airing the “debate” so Hispanic Americans know that the GOP hate them almost as much as they hate homos.

Posted by Original Andrew | June 28, 2007 9:27 AM

Hey Reagan fans,

Not that there was ever any doubt outside the US, but the PM of Russia during the Yeltsin years has confirmed that the Saudis and Deutsche Bank brought down the Soviet Empire. Not that fiery speech from an 80 something actor / Alzheimer patient.

Also, this should serve as a timely history lesson for anyone who's confused about the power of US debtholders (Saudis, China and Japan) to bring down this house of cards that's spending trillions fighting the war of terror.

Posted by vegetable lasagna | June 28, 2007 9:44 AM

fosse = american fellini

Posted by terry miller | June 28, 2007 9:48 AM

Why can't Congress just make it easier to get a fucking green card? You know, expand a program that we already have rather than create a new system that will likely waste millions or billions of dollars.

Posted by keshmeshi | June 28, 2007 10:08 AM

Wasting billions of dollars is the business they're in. If by wasting you mean stealing.

Posted by It's Mark Mitchell | June 28, 2007 10:13 AM

How come it is hard to find a really great singer these days like Freddy Mercury and others from that era. I like some modern rock, but there seems to be a lot of whiny sounding voices in the rock arenas these days. I am finding myself dialing through the radio more or flipping to the rap stations, right as one of these new whatever their names are rock bands start playing and singing.
The bands are great, but the singers suck.
I miss Freddy Mercurys voice.

Posted by summertime | June 28, 2007 10:54 AM

@9 - wrong, most of Texas (population wise) is Blue or Purple.

You confuse the vast underpopulated red areas (mostly Red) with the highly populated blue areas that appear like pimples on a map of Texas.

Just like Florida, it's a swing state ... which means, by definition, it's Purple.

Posted by Will in Seattle | June 28, 2007 11:38 AM


Texas isn't even close to being a swing state. In Texas, Bush won by more than 20 points in 2004. In Florida, he won by 5.

Posted by keshmeshi | June 28, 2007 12:13 PM

Wrong Josh, Queen was about all four of them. They all wrote, three of them sang (I don't think Deacon sang any leads, but he did pen a number of their hits, including "You're My Best Friend", "Another One Bites the Dust" and "I Want to Break Free"). People often assume it was Freddie who did all the falsetto parts, but that was actually drummer Roger Taylor, who also wrote some of their more rocking songs, including the gorgeous/ridiculous "I'm in Love with My Car". The array of talents and voices in the band allowed them the variety of sound that made them the Beatles of the 70s.

Posted by Paulus | June 28, 2007 1:32 PM

Mr. Police @22,

But Mr. May was the one taking the guitar solos. Devastating. Which makes them not the Beatles of the 70s.

Posted by Josh Feit | June 28, 2007 2:21 PM

Feit @23,

The comparison stands.

The fact that they didn't have to fly in a hired-hand to lay down a ripping guit solo is a small matter. Their vast repertoire of amazing and varied songs, that they all contributed to, massively overshadows your point.

Posted by Paulus | June 28, 2007 2:57 PM

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