Homo Some Notes About the Pride Parade
posted by June 25 at 14:49 PMon
Before I announce the winners of the Pride Parade Awards on Slog—the winners were already announced, in point of fact, at Seattle Center right after the Pride Parade—a few general thoughts about the parade:
Dykes on Bikes: We love you, everybody loves you, but by the ninth or tenth time you circled the block, well, even beloved dykes on bikes get tedious. You’re supposed to start the parade, not stop it. Take a couple of spins, move on to the next block, leave us wanting more.
Politicians: We love you, each and every one of you. But… there are so many of you. Why can’t the politicians in the Pride Parade all march together, at the front of the parade, a la politicians at the front of the St. Patrick’s Day Parade in New York City? Dykes on Bikes, followed by a show political strength—all the politicians that have come to kiss our big gay asses—then the real parade starts. Every year Ed Murray hires a marching bagpipe band. It’s great—why don’t you all go in on the bagpipes with Ed and march with together?
Cars: You know, it’s not every day that you get to see an actual automobile drive down 4th Avenue—no wait, you do get to see that every day. Every damn day. There were far too many entries in the parade that were just… cars… driving down the street. Either create something entertaining—a float, some puppets, group costumes—or go park it elsewhere.
Gaps: Nothing can be done about them, so there’s no use complaining. But… it would be nice if there were fewer gaps.
Volume: If you look out from your flat bed truck and see everyone lined up along the sidewalk putting their fingers in their ears as you pass by, maybe you need to lower the volume a bit?
People With Kids: Lots of people bring their kids to the Pride Parade, so sexually suggestive floats, signs, costumes, t-shirts are just no appropriate—no, wait! It’s the freakin’ GAY PRIDE PARADE. If you don’t want your kids to see sexually suggestive floats, signs, costumes, and t-shirts, stay the hell away.