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Thursday, June 28, 2007

Porcupines, Lobsters, Skunks, and Pufferfish: The Vagisil Menagerie

posted by on June 28 at 8:54 AM

This ad has been running for weeks, and quietly blowing my mind.

I’m a gay, so the particulars of female netherloins are beyond my knowledge. Is Vagisil’s characterization of the wildlife preserve/saltwater aquarium residing in ladies’ underpants accurate?

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All of those things come to mind when I think of a vagina.

Posted by Mr. Poe | June 28, 2007 9:06 AM

Mr. Poe, when exactly do you think of a vagina?

In answer to your question, David, I watched that in open-mouthed horror. NO, that does not happen to me, and I can't imagine that the commercial was written by women. I think it's fear tactics to get you to buy more Vagisil. (Who names these products, anyway?) Oh, no, if I don't stop that little itch, my cunt might turn into a porcupine by midnight.

Truly horrific. I hope that commercial fails miserably and they take it off the air.

Posted by bitch on heels | June 28, 2007 9:11 AM

Re: 1: Ugh. After crystal meth, icky-vag misogyny is my least favorite component of gay male culture. (And it's odd that Vagisil seems to be trafficking in such images.)

Any ladies got an opinion?

Posted by David Schmader | June 28, 2007 9:12 AM

OMG that is like my vagina exactly! In fact, my boyfriend affectionately calls it my "skunky lobster-pot." (Totally kidding, you guys. I don't have a boyfriend.)

Posted by Lindy | June 28, 2007 9:13 AM

Thank you, Bitch on Heels!

Posted by David Schmader | June 28, 2007 9:14 AM

I was joking, bitch. I avoid thoughts of vagina like murder.

Posted by Mr. Poe | June 28, 2007 9:14 AM

Re: 6: Sigh.

Mr. Poe, I beg of you, ditch the icky-vag stuff. It's as degrading to gay men as it is to women. (Is the key component of your homosexuality really an aversion to female genitalia?)

Also, for the record, penises are exactly as disgusting (or not) as vaginas.

Posted by David Schmader | June 28, 2007 9:20 AM

did you guys notice the vancouver gallery of art refers to itself as the VAG?

Posted by orangekrush | June 28, 2007 9:23 AM

As someone who is always thinking of penis, I beg to differ.

I can offer no apology for my icky-vag syndrome. It's there. I can offer not presenting it in Slog, but it will still be there. Me no change.

Posted by Mr. Poe | June 28, 2007 9:32 AM

Yah it's really about as flattering as us straights going on about how we are afraid of other mens dicks.

Posted by Giffy | June 28, 2007 9:32 AM

"skunky lobster-pot" hehehehhehehe—I'm going to try to use that phrase at least three times today referring to vag (as in vagina and not the Vancouver Gallery of Art).

Posted by Carollani | June 28, 2007 9:32 AM

Thank you for saying something about this ad! The first time I saw the commercial I went looking for it on youtube because I was so offended by how it was trying to portray women's bits that I had planned on writing a blog to blast it, but at that time I could not find it anywhere. I had to wonder right away if there was any women at all on the advertising team who put this masterpiece together. I highly doubt it. But then again, it is promoting a product that any good gyno will tell you, actually promotes bad bacteria in women's bodies and promotes that "not so fresh feeling" they are always going on about.

Posted by lilblackcat | June 28, 2007 9:35 AM

Help, there's a blowfish in my pussy!

Posted by It's Mark Mitchell | June 28, 2007 9:36 AM

I have to say though, its better then those penis enlarging commercials.

Posted by Giffy | June 28, 2007 9:41 AM

Hey Mr. Poe/Bitch:



Posted by yes | June 28, 2007 9:42 AM

Wooo! Chunky yellow cum!

Posted by Mr. Poe | June 28, 2007 9:48 AM

Mr. Poe: Whatthefuck?!

Posted by Carollani | June 28, 2007 9:53 AM

@4 Maybe not your boyfriend so much as a jaunty leprechaun?

Posted by Meagan | June 28, 2007 10:00 AM

I have nothing to say about this comment thread, which is more disgusting than the commercial, but I just wonder if maybe these ladies need to see a doctor or something, because if your pufferfish is ponging, and people can smell it, and washing doesn't help, a tube of grease is probably not going to help all that much.

I use it to keep my flowing locks shiny and bouncy, though. A little dab'll do ya.

Posted by Fnarf | June 28, 2007 10:06 AM

All I can say is WTF. I just stared that that commerical, mouth-agape. It makes no sense! Maybe some executive let his college son direct the marketing?

I have no idea. I'm no so much offended as I am very very confused.... ?!?

Posted by Original Monique | June 28, 2007 10:13 AM

@7: thank you, schmader. and, to answer your question, i've never felt anything in my underparts akin to the assortment of wildlife displayed by the makers of vagisil.

i am mortified by ads like this. the whole notion that a woman's vagina is unclean or "not-so-fresh" is one of the oldest proverbs in the big book of sexism.

at the enchanted porkfist, my friend russell recently pointed out an ad (probably 1950's) that encouraged women to use LYSOL to douche their vaginas with. the illustration has a woman trapped behind a spiderweb, which represented her husband's "indifference" to her apparently filthy vagina.

or perhaps it was to illustrate that the vagina is a deep, dark spider hole, from which the likes of saddam hussein might emerge.

whatever the case, this notion of a dank, itchy, fishy spot at the fork in the road has been perpetuated through the ages by a variety of products and coy ads addressing the mysteries of "down there."

the real horror in ads like this is the message they send to women of all ages: your vagina is unclean and dangerous. you need these products to keep it under control. without them, you will have a lobster in your underpants.

my itchy pussy is no different from your itchy balls -- sometimes it is hot and sweaty, sometimes it wants to be scratched. human anatomy 101.

Posted by kerri harrop | June 28, 2007 10:18 AM

i just like that theres a bunch of pickles before the vagisil commercial starts.

Posted by yungrii | June 28, 2007 10:21 AM

If it itches then scratch that skunky lobster-pot!

Posted by Carollani | June 28, 2007 10:21 AM

When I was young, my first impression of the vagina was the egg opening in Alien.

Posted by Mr. Poe | June 28, 2007 10:31 AM

Time to grow up Mr. Poe. We don't think your vagina hating is funny or cute. You seem devote an awful lot of time hating vaginas... methinks he doth protest too much.

Posted by Carollani | June 28, 2007 10:41 AM

Well, you know, I'm not always scratchin' my balls because they ITCH, you know.

Posted by Fnarf | June 28, 2007 10:41 AM

Yo' mama, Mr. Poe?

Posted by orangekrush | June 28, 2007 10:42 AM

@21, but men don't understand vaginas. Why can't you just accept that? They're all foldy and confusing. Why can't you just have cocks like the rest of us. Oh wait...

Posted by Giffy | June 28, 2007 10:43 AM

Thank you so much, David, for calling people out on that anti-vag shit. It is misogyny, and it's crude and offensive. You came out of one of those filthy stinky holes, Poe. That's where your life originated. Anyway, that commercial is totally mis-representative of what does and does not go on down there for women, and perpetuates the stereotypes for straight men and anti-vag queers alike. Kerri totally hit the nail on the head. Using shit like Vagisil and douching is actually MORE harmful than good. It's bullshit.

Posted by Callie | June 28, 2007 10:45 AM

fnarf@ 26: nor am i always scratching my pussy because it itches. here's another breaking story: we gals also love to masturbate!

what's next? equal pay for equal work?!

Posted by kerri harrop | June 28, 2007 10:59 AM

David, I've also been a bit perturbed by some of the "icky-vag" memme in gay circles. I'm 100% homo. I don't think I've ever actually seen a real live vagina (just plenty of pictures). I don't find vaginas icky or disgusting. I simply don't find them arousing.

Mr. Poe, just because vaginas don't arouse us does not mean we need to degrade women and describe their genitalia as gross and disgusting. Please stop.

Posted by SDA in SEA | June 28, 2007 11:27 AM

Write Vagisil a letter. I just did. What a bunch of creeps.

Posted by Sara | June 28, 2007 11:34 AM

@3 Are you sure vag hating misogyny should rank second in things about gay men that you hate? I was thinking that petty vindictiveness should rank above that.

Posted by Gitai | June 28, 2007 11:36 AM

The only time I feel like anyone else can smell my vagina is if someone's face is actually in my vagina. Which I have never thought of as a situation needing to be remedied.

Posted by Formica | June 28, 2007 11:42 AM

Just adding to what was said at 12 and 19,

If you have a seriously unpleasant odor emitting from your vagina, using some over-the-counter nonsense is the worst thing you can do. The OTC garbage can fuck up a clean vagina, so imagine what it can do if you actually have an infection.

And "if your pufferfish is ponging" is my favorite phrase of the day.

Posted by keshmeshi | June 28, 2007 11:54 AM

I wasn't scared of vaginas before watching that commercial, but that lobster coming at me with its grasping claws was just too much! :(

Posted by NapoleonXIV | June 28, 2007 12:07 PM

There goes lunch.

Posted by Bauhaus | June 28, 2007 12:14 PM

i love pussy, but sometimes it is "not so fresh". usually the next day after i've come in it.

Posted by maxsolomon | June 28, 2007 12:59 PM

Max speaks truth. By the same token your dick probably doesnt either.

Posted by Bellevue Ave | June 28, 2007 1:13 PM

Max speaks truth. By the same token your dick probably doesnt either.

Posted by Bellevue Ave | June 28, 2007 1:15 PM

What I find bizarrely amusing (then again, I'm easily amused) is that there is a plethora of products for a woman's supposedly nasty naughty bits, to clean them, deodorize them, remove their fur, etc. But where, I ask you, is the product to remove Funky Ball Stench? And don't kid yourself that your nutsack doesn't ever reek, fellas. It does.

Posted by Geni | June 28, 2007 3:48 PM

You know what I have found. People (male or female), that practice good overall hygiene often have nice clean naughty bits. Funny that.

Posted by Giffy | June 28, 2007 4:12 PM

@30 what's next? equal pay for equal work?!

Trousers and voting, oh, my!

Posted by Darcy | June 28, 2007 4:16 PM

Eh, I've met lesbians who are disgusted by penii. Whatever.

Posted by Paulus | June 28, 2007 5:45 PM

If they were going to use a lobster to represent the vagina, they should have used the furry lobster.

Posted by Sasha | June 28, 2007 6:59 PM

@41 As an avid faggot, I have to say that I love that funky ball smell. I assume that there are many, many straight men who rather appreciate a funky giney.

Posted by Gitai | June 28, 2007 7:58 PM

I sent a letter to vagisil and their response was that they were pulling the ad.

Posted by kaisa | June 28, 2007 8:35 PM

Yay! Great job, letter writers.

However, I don't envy the ad people that have Vagisil as their client. That's a tough gig. "How do we pitch a product about vaginas that doesn't even work? I don't know, let's just use the same formula they've been using for 100 years. Cool."

In other news, I recently saw a NON-CREEPY ad for a pregnancy test that looked like a men's razor commercial, all special effects and everything. Usually those ads are right up there with creepy douche ads. Hmm...

Posted by yay! | June 29, 2007 8:34 AM

Huh. And it's "Maximum Strength" too. As if there's a law forbidding them from selling anything stronger. And like it'd involve lye, DDT, and maybe a welder's mask.

Posted by Dr_Awesome | June 29, 2007 11:46 AM

Here's a comic I came up with after watching the commercial. Thought you might enjoy it.

Posted by Pachuco | June 29, 2007 2:15 PM

Oy. My husband said to me...did u SEE THAT? Porcupine? Skunk? Fish? Write that company and tell them you are offended. Apparently, they have not yet pulled the commercial. Call me lucky...I smell like clams!

Posted by thina | July 4, 2007 9:38 AM

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