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Thursday, June 14, 2007

Month of Sundays: Where’s Antioch Bible Church?

posted by on June 14 at 14:28 PM

Last night at the Deluxe someone asked me why we didn’t send a writer to Antioch Bible Church for “Month of Sundays.” Antioch is the home of the gay-bashing, boycott-botching Rev. Ken “Special Envoy” Hutcherson—how could we neglect Antioch?

“We didn’t,” I said. “Of course we sent someone to Antioch!”

I ran to the door, grabbed a copy of the paper, and opened it up in a panic. And… Antioch isn’t in there. Which fucking sucks—not only because it belonged in the package, but because writer David Nixon dragged his ass out to Antioch on Sunday morning, sat through a service, and turned in an absolutely hilarious review of the service.

I’m not sure how it got omitted from the package—editing error, I expect, or maybe it was Ken’s Prayer Warriors?—but we’re going to add it to the package online.

My apologies, David, and here’s the piece for Slog readers…

Antioch Bible Church

Lake Washington High School Gymnasium

12033 NE 80th Street

Kirkland, WA 98033

Sunday services: 9 am, 11 am

I’M CIRCLING AROUND the gym, trying to find a cute girl I can sit next to. There are none. Seriously, NONE. This is absolutely not the place to pick up chicks. I also notice that I am the only one here with sideburns.

Don’t let the gymnasium fool you. They’re very high-tech here. There’s three giant screens, and video cameras, and wireless headset mics for the preacher dudes. There’s a Christian indie soft-rock band, and the lyrics are projected on two of the screens so we can sing along. I throw in some barbershop harmonies but no one seems to notice.

On the center screen there’s a slide show of the downtrodden. I’d guess there are around 800 people here. The audience has a much higher percentage of black people than you find on Capitol Hill, though still mostly white. There are a number of black man/white woman couples. Very few black women. One of the preacher dudes mentions his Norwegian wife and jokes that his children are “Blackwegian.” Everyone laughs. They’re very big on the multicultural thing here.

After the show, I chat with the main pastor, Ken Hutcherson. I confess to him that it’s practically my first time in a church. He announces it loudly and excitedly to the people around us. Then he puts a firm grip on my shoulder and steers me to a table where some women take my information so they can follow up with me later. Luckily I have Christopher Frizzelle’s e-mail address memorized. DAVID NIXON

Again, sorry about the accidental omission, David. The only person more upset about it, I expect, is Ken Hutcherson himself.

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Posted by Mr. Poe | June 14, 2007 2:39 PM

I'm sure there's an inside joke there I don't get, but the Frizzelle quip made me laugh out loud. Good one, David.

Posted by bitch on heels | June 14, 2007 2:45 PM

Cool, can't wait to hear "Awesome"'s musical take on David's visit.

On second thought, it would probably be better as a Half Brothers song.

Posted by COMTE | June 14, 2007 2:58 PM

Back when my mom forced me to go to church, there were always these teenage dipshits trying to play Blink 182 guitar riffs on their cheapass bass that God allegedly handed them. It was bad. Just bad. Most of my church hour was spent circling the church, desperately waiting for service to get the fuck out.

I'll never recover from all that church has done to me. Ever.

Posted by Mr. Poe | June 14, 2007 3:03 PM

How could you possibly forget the Amazing Dr. Nixon? Just the thought of a Doctor of Philosophy mingling with the Prayer Warriors makes me pee my pants a bit.

Posted by The Sponda | June 14, 2007 3:58 PM

50 years ago and in certain parts of this country a black man/white woman thang would have been cause for stringing the guy up and lopping off his scrotum. Thank goodness those days are over and long gone.

But how funny odd (not funny haha) that even though the leader and the parishioners of this establishment don't officially condone that for gay couples, one gets the distinct feeling - born from their past behavior - they wouldn't mind it all that much if it did happen.

How sad they have such a tiny sense of history and such a narrow scope of the overall, but it isn't surprising given the setting.

Loved the piece, by the way.

Posted by Bauhaus | June 14, 2007 4:11 PM

where was the Center for Spiritual Living on Sand Point Way in Laurelhurst? even though i know one of the ministers, i don't get it. i want to know what's going on in there. there's a ton of people there on sunday mornings.

i know its not buddhism, so i'm not going to get into it. i'm just curious.

Posted by maxsolomon | June 14, 2007 6:04 PM

You should have sent someone out to 24/seven Ministry Center, which is a very non-traditional Seventh-Day Adventist church that meets every Saturday at Bellevue Community College.

Its a small congregation, of many musicians & artists, the majority of the "regular" attendees are in their 20's. Our pastors are very realistic, and one likes to talk in slang on a regular basis (plus he has ADD), and they'll even make a joke sometimes! Everyone there will admit that they've made some big mistakes in the past, that no one is perfect. Everyone knows each other.

Sabbath School Classes (kinda like "Sunday School") for various age groups meet at 10:30am -- even adults go to Sabbath School. Often food is involved at Sabbath School, and coffee is always available before/during/(sometimes after) church. Worship begins at 11:30, we have many different types of musicians involved w/ worship so you never know what you'll hear (but our best band, Garage Voice, is on tour until August). Regular Service starts around 11:45- noon, and usually gets out around 1-2. About twice a month we have potluck.
We also have a lot of free BBQ's/bonfires at Alki on Friday nights during the summer... as well as other outreach events. We like to get out there.

I dont mean for this to sound like an add... I just am very excited about 24/seven (which also is planning to plant a campus in the U-District in the Fall). Before I went there I used to drink -- A LOT. In fact, I was drunk when a friend invited me to "church on Saturday", and only agreed to go because I'd never heard of Christians going to church on a Saturday. I went once, and was hooked. I went, but I didnt change, I continued on my drinking ways. And then one day my life really did change, nothing big stands out, I just realized that there was more to life than drinking. So I became more involved, and stopped drinking.

And thats why I wrote this. In case The Stranger ever decides to "do church" again, please give 24/seven a try...



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