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Tuesday, June 19, 2007

Life’s Little Cruelties

posted by on June 19 at 9:48 AM

Attention! Are you a limbless crack whore covered in festering open sores? Are you living in gigantic pile of fresh human shit? Has your body cavity been infested with maggots? Spider eggs? Are you tubercular? On fire? Take heart! Things could be worse

Oh, so very much, much worse.

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you know, let's hope he can revive his film career. I actually own all his movies on VHS. They are pretty brilliant! And in Scout's honor, if you watch the scene where he's changing into his Scout shorts in slow motion, you can see his junk. Pretty cute.

Posted by Meinertd | June 19, 2007 10:03 AM

Oh Gary . . .

Aren't those ads where someone says no one would lend them money supposed to be just an everyday Joe, down on his luck? Did Gary Coleman really just announce to the world that this is his life? That he's so hard up that no one, not even his family, will lend him money?

Posted by Levislade | June 19, 2007 10:04 AM

He could be an LA for Margarita Prentice or Sharon Tomiko-Santos.

Posted by SeMe | June 19, 2007 10:07 AM

I thought he was dead. Huh.

Posted by Mr. Poe | June 19, 2007 10:11 AM

Whutch you talkin bout I mean SeMe.

Posted by fanny | June 19, 2007 10:12 AM

"Not even my relatives". Jesus. The only problem is, if you can't pay it back, they make you humiliate yourself on TV.

Posted by Fnarf | June 19, 2007 10:13 AM

I saw this ad and just had to laugh.

Posted by Bellevue Ave | June 19, 2007 10:17 AM

99.25% APR?? "CashCall, you're awesome!" If by "awesome" you mean "assraping the poor and desperate without benefit of lube."

Posted by chrisdiani | June 19, 2007 10:29 AM

I'd like to think he has a sense of humor about this. It's too dismal to imagine that he really feels this humiliation and is forced to make this commercial out of poverty.

Come on, Gary. There's gotta be a game show or a boxing match you can sign up for. Oh, wait. Maybe the commercial's a better idea.

Posted by bitch on heels | June 19, 2007 10:30 AM

it's amazing that people do payday loans. I think it's one of those unfair things in life that the people who need financial planning the most are the people least able to afford to pay for it.

Posted by Bellevue Ave | June 19, 2007 10:34 AM

You would end up paying $9095.10 for the privilege of borrowing that $2600 under CashCall's generous terms.

Posted by Acolyte | June 19, 2007 10:38 AM

Hey, it's something to put on the resume, and he made at least scale (plus the wardrobe allowance, since I'm going out on a limb here and guess that he wore his own clothes), so really, it's no worse than Harrison Ford hawking Suntori Whiskey.

Well, except for the fact that H.F. probably earned just a tad above scale for that gig - and almost no one in this country has ever seen the ad.

Posted by COMTE | June 19, 2007 11:03 AM

and whiskey is far and away much less awful than payday loans.

Posted by Bellevue Ave | June 19, 2007 11:44 AM

This is true. Whisky (their own website vacillates on this important point, using both (Irish, American) whiskey and (Scottish, Canadian) whisky) is in fact a great boon. It tastes good, makes you drunk, and makes the lights go all pretty. Payday loans not so much.

Posted by Fnarf | June 19, 2007 12:08 PM

He could be sucking cock on film...

Although, that may be next.

Posted by ecce homo | June 19, 2007 12:12 PM

I see these ads all the time in Columbus. This has to be hands-down one of the worst payday loan companies I've heard of around here - the fine print at the end of the commercial details an APR of 99%!

Posted by The CHZA | June 19, 2007 12:30 PM

Gary, Gary, Gary... If you would only whore yourself out a bit and say "wachoo talkin about Willis" when someone wants to you would not be in that position.

Posted by Matt from Denver | June 19, 2007 1:40 PM

I saw this commercial and quickly read the fine print..i HAD to DVR it and read it again, slowly...99.25% APR??? Is this even legal? Doesn't that pretty much surmount to loansharking? Man, Gary Coleman must be HURTIN' for some cash!

Posted by LG | June 26, 2007 6:47 AM

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