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Friday, June 1, 2007

Latawnya the Naughty Horse

posted by on June 1 at 11:05 AM

scaled.Latawnya_Cover.jpg

All praise to Slog citizen Fnarf for alerting me to the amazing bit of equine-themed anti-drug propoganda known as Latawna, the Naughty Horse, Learns to Say “No” to Drugs.

Read it in its (short) entirety at SomethingAwful.com.

RSS icon Comments

1

I was sure Latoya horse would be joined by Janet, Tito and Jermaine Horse, but, sadly, no. Best line and spoiler alert: "Then Daisy slapped the alcohol and drugs out of Latanya's hoof."

Posted by Dominic Holden | June 1, 2007 11:22 AM
2

Holy shit! The illustrations of the drinking and smoking horses are killing me.

My bet is that absolutely zero kids were in the least bit persuaded not to do drugs after they read this book.

Posted by Matt from Denver | June 1, 2007 11:25 AM
3

oh my effing word. OH MY EFFING WORD. the phrase "smoking drugs" is always a side splitter, and the fact that a horse got the drugs smacked out of her hoof sent me over the edge

Posted by shelbis | June 1, 2007 11:26 AM
4

the faux reviews are also hilarious!

Posted by Bellevue Ave | June 1, 2007 11:28 AM
5

This has to be a joke:

"The author would like to thank God. 'Thank you, God.'"

Too effing much.

Posted by Levislade | June 1, 2007 11:33 AM
6

No, the best line is either "Using drugs will kill. So be for real", or "The author would like to thank God. 'Thank you, God'" or "Let's play a smoking game and a drinking game".

My biggest fear is that this weekend I'm going to play a drinking game that ends with me getting a big tattoo of the horses standing around smoking on my back.

Posted by Fnarf | June 1, 2007 11:34 AM
7

The reader would like to thank Fnarf. Thank you, Fnarf.

Posted by Dominic Holden | June 1, 2007 11:37 AM
8

Kids, stay off Gods.

Posted by seattle98104 | June 1, 2007 11:45 AM
9

hopefully the tattoo of smoking horses would be done in the same air of seriousness as the book about the drug-smoking horses was done. and perhaps the caption "so be for real" could be added to the tat...maybe i'm beginning to consider this for myself

...smoking drugs

Posted by shelbis | June 1, 2007 11:50 AM
10

How do horses light their cigarettes? Just wondering...

Posted by J.R. | June 1, 2007 11:57 AM
11

Fnarf: PLEASE have the smoking horses tattooed on your back. What's your back being used for now? Nothing. Getting this tattoo could be your higher purpose.

Posted by Aislinn | June 1, 2007 12:05 PM
12

Aislinn is right.

(Confidential to the forthcoming drunken Fnarf: This is the best idea you've ever had. If you fail to do it, you'll regret it forever.)

Posted by David Schmader | June 1, 2007 12:11 PM
13

Drugs Are Bad. And If You Do Drugs You're Bad. 'Cause Drugs Are Bad. Mmmkay?

Posted by elswinger | June 1, 2007 12:18 PM
14

I realize Mrs. Gibson's cautionary tale sets itself up as an easy target for ridicule, but seriously, if this tome prevents even a single horse from drinking or smoking drugs, then all her effort has not been wasted, IMHO.

Posted by COMTE | June 1, 2007 12:22 PM
15

Those horses must have some mad joint rolling skills. I have fingers and thumbs and yet I roll terrible joints. those horses could roll some fatties with just their hooves! the part about the horse od'ing (on weed!??!) was pretty damn funny too. that lady must have dome some serious "drug smoking" before writing that shit.

I am totally going to print out those pics of the smoking/drinking horses.... these would make a nice addition to my smoking lounge... muhahaha!
(ahem-- where I only use 'tobacco products' in my 'waterpipe')

Posted by war pigs | June 1, 2007 12:26 PM
16

There's a page at Amazon for this book. The first customer review, courtesy of "beansy:"

i have been living in a neighborhood surrounded by predominantly caucasian (and might i add jewish) horses, and i've found that frequently, my white horses disappear into the neighborhoods of the inner city african american horses in order to do "business deals." prior to reading this book, i was unaware of what my horses were actually doing, but reading about Latawnya and her misadventures opened my eyes to the depravity and corruption of my horses and their hidden drug deals. i now realize that i should have read this book earlier, and educated my horses...i also would encourage owners of black horses to bring education to their communities so that equine drug overdoses can stop happening in our neighborhoods. when i confronted my horses on this matter, they admitted that they were not aware of the risks of drug and alcohol use, and after reading the book together, we had ourselves a good cry. now everyone knows what can happen when drugs are used and abused, and i believe that my horses and i are not only better for it as individuals, but have a closer relationship.

More can be found here.

Posted by Matt from Denver | June 1, 2007 12:48 PM
17

The best thing about that Amazon page is that immediately after somethingawful.com posted that, their readers bought all nine of the copies available used on Amazon.

Schmader: you raise some good points. Alas, my back is already being used to shoulder the burdens of an uncaring world, so unless I'm REALLY REALLY drunk, it's not likely to happen.

Posted by Fnarf | June 1, 2007 1:47 PM
18

Holy fuck! That is hilarious!

I stopped reading about 1/3 of the way through. It was just too painful. But the pictures of the horses smoking and drinking are awesome!

Nice catch, Fnarf. Just how bored are you to find shit like this?

Posted by SDA in SEA | June 1, 2007 2:39 PM
19

I got it from b3ta.com.

Posted by Fnarf | June 1, 2007 5:08 PM
20

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iWB9MfYoSfo

no need to explain the link...i think you already know what it is

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21

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