TV Kathy Griffin—Her Life on my Shitlist
posted by June 8 at 9:57 AMon
My girlfriend and I recently gave into the bored and disaffected bourgeois yearnings of our hearts and had cable TV installed. Since that day, watching television has been a celebrated event in our home.
“Have you been watching TV?”
“Yes, since I got home.”
“Yay! Good work! “
A couple nights ago I was home and, in the grand (if brief) tradition of our household, watching TV. Kathy Griffin—My Life on the D-List was on Bravo in some kind of Kathy Griffin marathon including her standup show and the new season premiere of her series. As much as I want to hate Kathy Griffin (because she’s so obnoxious), she does make me laugh. A few things that bothered me about her have been percolating in me since that night.
1. Doesn’t she closely resemble Lady Elaine from Mr. Rogers?
Seriously, except for Kathy’s hair (which is fake), they could be twins. Same sharp pronounced chin, same bulbous nose, same red and defined cheekbones and scary eyebrows; it’s uncanny. It’s like the more Kathy tries to be beautiful (she’s admitted to having lots of cosmetic surgery) the scarier she gets. Without makeup she looks like a normal (and homely) woman, but with all of that cakey face paint on she becomes some creepy drunk carousel attendant of an imaginary world.
By the way, I don’t feel the least bit guilty about criticizing her looks, and if you’ve ever watched her standup you’d understand why. The woman makes a living being a total bitch to whomever she wishes. It’s hilarious.
2. She claims to have the gay demographic on lock.
She goes on and on about her gays, and gay this, gay that. That bugs me. Who does she think she is… Margaret Cho?! I don’t think so. Like a crack baby with tons of health problems, Kathy Griffin was adopted by the gays because no one else wanted her. She loves us because we’re the only ones willing to give her a chance in this cold, cruel world (gays love an underdog). Will she abandon us when she’s finally upgraded to the C-List? Only time will tell.
This woman has a voice like nails on a chalkboard and tells frantic stories about her brief encounters with celebrities who constantly dismiss and belittle her. She gives off a vibe of dejection and inferiority that makes me want to break her. I think it’s a Darwinian instinct on my part. She’s weak and compromises the integrity of the human race.
I appreciate her standup, but what does she leave you with? A few spent laughs, and that’s it. There’s no sound bite, there’s no catchphrase, there’s no joke that you can pipe up with at a party. It’s just some desperate woman telling her stories of brief encounters with those who are more famous and more talented than she. Her self-esteem is all tied up in price tags, status, and celebrity acquaintances. It’s sad. She’s sad.
And that’s what’s funny.