From the hobbled fingers of Brendan Kiley:

Subject: Questions Answered

Where you been?
Sorry, I forgot to send a note before I left: I flew out last week to southern Virginia for the consecutive funerals of my granddad and great-aunt, who died on the same day. Highlights: Heat, humidity, lukewarm fried chicken at every meal, Baptist church services, and listening to my uncle and another preacher talk out their “game plan” for the exorcism they were going to perform later that night.
What’s with the crutches?
The night before I flew out, I was with my brother, horsing around, and jumped out my apartment window, trying to land on a (parked) school bus.
Were you drunk?
I am embarrassed by how not-drunk I was.
So what happened?
I jumped, landed on the bus, bounced off, and landed on my side in a gravel parking lot.
Are you injured?
On my right side—my ankle and feet are purple and enormous but just sprained. My heel bone is shattered and will require a little surgery. I cracked a few ribs on my right side.
Oh my God. You’re an idiot.
I prefer “swashbuckler.”

Condolences, Brendan. I hope that buckled swash isn’t giving you too much pain.