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Friday, June 29, 2007

I, Anonymous: It’s Elementary—The Bonanza Continues to Continue

posted by on June 29 at 11:00 AM

Welcome to hour three of the I, Anonymous: It’s Elementary day-long bonanza, wherein a new I, Anonymous submission sent in by students at a local alternative elementary and middle school is revealed every hour on the hour.

There’s a new anti-tobacco organization called “no stank you.” They over exaggerate everything in their commercials. Their main target is the smokers themselves. They taught us that smokers are vile, unsocial, disgusting creatures that don’t deserve any form of affection from anybody. They’re the ones that did that commercial about the “smoke buddies,” a few smokers that have the “powers” of embroidered smoking side-affects.

The organization, No Stank You is bitter. They don’t talk about how smoking cigarettes can lead to lung cancer. Instead, they prefer to make fun of smokers, calling them disgusting, poor and “un-dateable”. Most smokers want to, and try to quit, but that is not simple, and No Stank You doesn’t seem to understand that. Smokers and just people who made a mistake, and would quit smoking if they could, and No Stank You just loves rubbing that in their faces.

(All of these are sic, sic, SIC, btw.)

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Posted by Mr. Poe | June 29, 2007 11:26 AM

Are these kids coming up with the topics themselves? The first two I thought were kid-like enough but... what elementary student is angry about the tobacco industry?

Posted by Katelyn | June 29, 2007 11:30 AM

I bet they drilled out topics and the teacher wrote them on the board. How they were assigned, I'm not sure, but one thing I'm sure of is no child would ever voluntarily write about telemarketers (unless they couldn't think of anything and their parents filled them in with a topic).

Posted by Mr. Poe | June 29, 2007 11:37 AM

Exaggerated, yes. But bitter?

I just figured that commercials about dying from lung cancer don't resonate with the kids these days, so maybe the "You'll stink and have nasty teeth" approach will.

It's not so much about getting kids to quit as it is keeping them from starting, right?

Posted by Clifton | June 29, 2007 11:40 AM

I'm soooo watching Thank You For Smoking again this weekend.

Posted by monkey | June 29, 2007 11:41 AM

Re: 2 & 3: The assignment question is a good one. I have no idea idea what the specifics were. The only clue I have is that some of the entries have things like "Home room" and "final draft" in the upper left corner.

Posted by David Schmader | June 29, 2007 11:45 AM

This letter rings of "Quit teasing my mom!"

Posted by Christin | June 29, 2007 11:46 AM


I'm with Katelyn. These are beginning to look suspicious. The first few looked totally legit. But I'm dubious of these last two. Yes, telemarketers are asswipes, and yes, the new anti-smoking campaign is a bit over the top. But neither of these sound like thoughts that would be at the forefront of a 9 year old.

Posted by SDA in SEA | June 29, 2007 12:11 PM

I think the writer should realize that teenagers don't think of long term consequences like lung cancer. Many smokers blow it off with, "You gotta go sometime." By targeting adolescents with immediate social pariah status, it makes the consequences more real, and more present.

And really, smokers are undateable and broke. I won't even go down on a smoker. Their cum tastes bad.

Posted by Gitai | June 29, 2007 12:18 PM

@8: we mustn't forget that the authors include middle schoolers which i believe range from 12 - 14yrs. old? i know at that age, anti-smoking was being drilled into my impressionable mind.

Posted by a_upstairs | June 29, 2007 12:29 PM

The teacher probably gave them the assignment and said pick something on your own or pick something from this list on the board.

Posted by PA Native | June 29, 2007 1:09 PM

David is picking what he thinks are the best ones, and I think most of what we are reading is from the 8th grade, so this one could have been written by a 15 or 16 year old.

Posted by elswinger | June 29, 2007 3:51 PM

I would hope a 15 or 16-year-old wasn't still in 8th grade. 8th graders where I went to school were 13/14 years old.

Posted by Andy | June 30, 2007 11:29 AM

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