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But really, who gets the cheeseburgers? It's all about the Dick's Deluxe, man. Get over your mayophobia and dig in. Spend the nickel and get the onions.

Also, McD's patty's for most of their burgers are up to 40% soy filler, not all beef like Dick's. We like our Dick's to be all beef. (Who can make the worst dick-based pun in the comments? Let's find out!)

Posted by Matt Fuckin' Hickey | June 27, 2007 10:25 AM

Sacrilege! You're not even worthy of "no mayo"! A pox on your digestive tract, sir!!!

Posted by Hernandez | June 27, 2007 10:25 AM

You shoulda gone to Red Mill instead

Posted by SteveR | June 27, 2007 10:25 AM

Ummm - you're high. Or drunk. The meat in a Dicks burger is, well, MEAT. In a mcDs burger it's a brown sponge my grandmother (RIP) could have gummed.

Don't get me wrong, I get a craving for a mcDs burger now and then, but it's definitely not the same as the craving for Dicks.

I challenge you, Mr. Zwickel, to do a side by side taste test.

Posted by potheadUR | June 27, 2007 10:26 AM

I'd rather go to McDonald's than Dick's. Dick's is lame. Their burgers don't fill you worth a shit, and like said, you can't really special order anything. Plus ketchup costs extra, which is a total fucking rip-off.

Posted by Mr. Poe | June 27, 2007 10:28 AM

You're getting well acclimated to Seattle's finest fast food joints (I remember your post on Ezell's a few months ago).

Try Honey Hole next if you haven't yet and get the Chachi or Gooch. Their fries are arguably the best in Seattle as well.

Posted by Lizard | June 27, 2007 10:29 AM

The special sauce is what makes the Deluxe - and the Deluxe is what makes Dick's.

Be a man and get the Deluxe, special sauce and all - I think you'll appreciate it.

Posted by Willis | June 27, 2007 10:30 AM

Why don't you just go back to Russia, traitor...McDonald's my ass.

Posted by Trey | June 27, 2007 10:34 AM

@ Lizard: There's no argument, man. They're the best in Seattle.

Posted by Matt Fuckin' Hickey | June 27, 2007 10:36 AM

Its all about the Deluxe baby! And waiting in line at 1:00 am to get a fix!

Posted by Suz | June 27, 2007 10:37 AM

The bun on a Dicks burger is always slightly greasy. McDonald's can't hold a candle to that.

And Ezell's is a popular favorite, but not the apex of cluck in this city.

Posted by It's Mark Mitchell! | June 27, 2007 10:38 AM

@ Mr. Poe: Booooo! Hissssss!

Posted by Original Monique | June 27, 2007 10:42 AM

I get the cheeseburgers. I've been eating them since I was three. They were here before McD's and they don't taste the same at all. There's no better indication that someone ain't from around here than trying to special-order something at Dick's - usually in front of me in line.

Posted by pox | June 27, 2007 10:43 AM

Nothing satifies late night urges like a big bag of Dick's!

(for matt f'n hickey)

Posted by wisepunk | June 27, 2007 10:47 AM

(Who can make the worst dick-based pun in the comments? Let's find out!) either bad or good, i don't car:

When I was washing dishes for Madison Park Bakery in '94, we were talking about Dick's. I said, "you think Dick's is a funny name - you should hear the name of its 'sister' store in Wenatchee.

Posted by Garrett | June 27, 2007 10:51 AM

A deluxe, a fries, and a shake... perfect way to end the late night munchies. Mmmmm.

I wonder if I can make it to Dicks on my lunch break....

Posted by Phelix | June 27, 2007 10:52 AM

You're friends were right to make fun of you- from you're own words:

I chewed. I swallowed. “Just like McDonald’s,” I said.

Then, at the end:
Which is just fine—I don’t eat Micky D’s, but I’ll go back to Dick’s.
So I take it you're basing this opinion on some distant memory of what McDonald's tastes like? Sounds pretty ignorant to me. Maybe you should, you know, actually TASTE a McDees burger before you make such a crass observation.

Posted by Griff | June 27, 2007 10:53 AM

I love Dick's for their NO SPECIAL ORDERS rule! All you finnicky special order bitches have been getting in my way, slowing down fast food service my whole life. Well no more! Dicks does not tolerate your intolerence! Everyone must eat the mayo! Viva la Dicks!

Posted by longball | June 27, 2007 10:55 AM


Bullshit. I love me some honey hole (speaking of name-based pun threads, shit...) thanks to amazing tempeh-based sandwhiches and great fries, but they're by no means the best. That goes to either the 5 point cafe if you take 'em with mayo + malt vinegar, but more likely the cyclops cafe on 1st + wall. THOSE are the best fries in the city.

Posted by juris | June 27, 2007 11:02 AM

The Delux Burgers at Dick's are one reason I am not a vegetarian. They are that good.

Posted by rich | June 27, 2007 11:04 AM

No, just no. Richard's is wrong.

Posted by yuck | June 27, 2007 11:08 AM

Did you save room for Dick's?

Posted by Soupytwist | June 27, 2007 11:10 AM

I agree with rich (#20) I actually de-converted from a 2 year vegetarian life after returning to Seattle from New Mexico.

Posted by Mary | June 27, 2007 11:19 AM

The meat is also organic, free range.

Posted by jared | June 27, 2007 11:20 AM

I'm sick of Red Mill and their overrated burgers, their consistent fuckuppery with call-in orders, the bad music they play in their store, and the blind allegiance they seem to accrue from people. They're coasting like Weezer.

Posted by davej | June 27, 2007 11:27 AM

dude. i know you're not from 'round these here parts but, for crying out loud, what the hell are you thinking, man?

to compare anything on the menu to mcdonald's is akin to raping the wheedle or shitting upon the grave of bruce lee. there is civic pride in that bag of greasy goodness and you best recognize.

some dick's tips: no special orders separates the boys from the men. don't be fussy. even though they aren't supposed to take tips, you should always try to do so on a late friday or saturday. need bonus points? eat the melted cheese off the wrapper like a local.

it should be noted that dick's has long been one of the top paying jobs for students, with a higher than average minimum starting wage, and they offer all sorts of programs to help their employees with further education and healthcare. they have also long a consistent source of charitable giving. plus, LOCALLY OWNED.

i don't recommend eating there more than once every month or two but, whatever. you do you.

Posted by kerri harrop | June 27, 2007 11:28 AM

Dick's secret sauce is good for the complextion and will cure cravings of all types. Mickey D.'s secret sauce smells funny, is oily, and results in a greasy bloated feeling.

Straight up, Dick's Rock!!

Posted by The Peanut Gallery | June 27, 2007 11:30 AM

Until this past weekend, I've lived in Seattle since 89 and had never been to Burgermaster. Just realized that and stopped off with my son, who was born here, and we both had our first burgers at the one near Oaktree.

Dick's is great too.

You want McD's, go sell your soul.

Looking forward to the Beefalo burgers and shakes on Highway 2 on Friday as he and I drive up to the Kootenays in BC - yum!

Posted by Will in Seattle | June 27, 2007 11:30 AM

Great, a special order pussy. I think it's best that you just don't go to Dicks anymore. I'll order an extra Deluxe to make up for the lack of business.


Posted by monkey | June 27, 2007 11:34 AM

I don't like cheeseburgers and so it pisses me off I can't get a Deluxe without cheese (when I first moved to Seattle the Dick's on Broadway had no problem with "special orders." Now I wind up having to buy two Specials and jam the together.

#7 The ingredients for Dick's sauce is:

1/2 cup Miracle Whip
2 tbsp mustard
1 tbsp relish

Posted by elswinger | June 27, 2007 11:35 AM

I'm sorry, native Seattleites, but what is the matter with you people? Dick's is crap. Were it not for the nostalgia that you all seem to have been imprinted with, the whole franchise would be dead. If I had to get a fast-food burger, I'd go to Kidd Valley.

Posted by tsm | June 27, 2007 11:37 AM

This is a correlary to White Castle. Beastie Boy callouts and late night stoner cred or no, WC burgers taste like greasy shit.

Posted by Big Sven | June 27, 2007 11:41 AM

Dick's DOES taste like McDonald's!!! (from what I can remember McD's tasting like years ago) I have never been to Red Mill or Kidd Valley... I didn't think they were that big of a dealio.

But... I miss In-&-Out Burger!

Posted by Sylvie | June 27, 2007 11:44 AM

@24, their meat isn't organic-it's shipped in from middlesville, USA- the same area that ships to dozens of other fast food chains. it's the love that makes a dick's burger so special.

Posted by brad | June 27, 2007 11:48 AM

you seem like a nice boy, but between the mayo-hating and the solo bagel deli picnic in the bum "park" on 15th, you cannot be trusted to write about food.

Posted by d | June 27, 2007 11:49 AM

Was that YOUR crew hanging out Saturday night, Jonathan? (Or was it Friday night? The liquor has made me forget :P )

I was at the bar when some guys went on a run for hamburgers from Dick's. You guys sounded like you were having fun. Good times.

Also, LOL with all these commenters bickering about fast food.

Posted by Gomez | June 27, 2007 11:56 AM

Okay okay, I'm going to weigh in. I grew up an hour south of here where we had no Dick's (Hi Matt!), but have been in Seattle for over seven years and consider myself native enough. Dick's is good. Dick's is what it is which is cheap, simple burgers for fast. The sauce really does make a difference though. Without it, I could see how you could maybe liken Dick's burgers to McDonalds' burgers based on content alone. The thing is, they don't actually taste the same. If by taste the same you mean they are both cheap burgers that aren't anything to write home about but get the job done, then sure. But, if you add the sauce (I've never had one without sauce, so I don't know about that taste), the actual TASTE of a Dick's burger is WAY better than a McDonald's cheeseburger.

Posted by Callie | June 27, 2007 11:58 AM

Damn. I don't know if I agree or disagree with the premise of this thread (what was it again??) but I'm pretty sure I'm hittin' Dick's on the way to band practice tonight like the cliche Seattle band guy I am... Haven't had me a Deluxe in a while, and this shit is making me hungry!!

Posted by mmmm... | June 27, 2007 12:05 PM

I can't believe nobody has made a Sir-Mix-a-Lot reference yet!

Posted by gillsans | June 27, 2007 12:31 PM

No Mix-A-Lot references because no Slog commenters are swass, and none of them are rich enough to flaunt clout.

Posted by Larry | June 27, 2007 12:51 PM

The correct statement is not that Dicks is just like McDonalds. It is Dicks is just like McDondalds used to be or just like McDonalds should be.

I worked at McDonalds and I can tell you that a Dicks cheese burger tastes EXACTLY the same as the McDonalds cheese burger I made myself there. I toasted the buns and left off the pickle and onion (believe me if you ever saw those things away from a burger you'd do the same). I also didn't microwave it for the requisite few seconds (everything at McDonalds was nuked, even if it was made to order).

Unfortunately, McDonalds doesn't make the burgers with the care that I put into my own. So I eat Dicks.

Posted by Andrew | June 27, 2007 12:51 PM

why are there so many suckers lining up to eat shitty burgers everyday at that Dicks location when the RANCHO BRAVO TACO TRUCK is a block away? ill never understand it!

Posted by kevin jones | June 27, 2007 12:52 PM

Okay... as an outsider who moved here a few years ago, my take on Dick's:

It's a shitty, cheaper, assembly line version of In N Out. And sometimes, it hits the spot. Not being able to customize your burger can be a bitch, but you get what you pay for.

I also like that they're open very, very late, when all else has failed and everything else has closed, there's always Dick's.

Posted by Gomez | June 27, 2007 12:52 PM

For even claiming for a moment of demonic weakness that a Dick's burger is anything close to a McDonald's burger shows you have been possessed by the filth trodden toads of hell's fire. My you suffer in the vestibile of boiling sewage of hell as your inards are slowly fried in the stenchy rancid french fry grease of a billion french fries. I pray this in Jesus' name......

Posted by Pat Robinson | June 27, 2007 12:52 PM


When the revolution starts, you're the first against the wall.


Posted by LT L | June 27, 2007 12:54 PM

kevin jones wins for referencing the Rancho Bravo Taco truck, which is so much better.

Posted by Gomez | June 27, 2007 12:56 PM

Wow, man, you are mean! How dare you not be Nice. Everything in Seattle Is Better. Than. Where. You. Came. From.
Our morals are Better, our transit is Better, and our hamburgers are Better!
Namaste & kumbaya!

So -- Fuck You Transplant!

PS--we are also the Nicest, most "authentic," and polite and friendly people of Anywhere! We will smile to your face and only diss you on a blog! You're welcome.

Posted by Lars Nativson | June 27, 2007 1:12 PM

I am in full agreement. Its all about the Deluxe, and the fries. And get the chocolate shake. Its like an orgy in your mouth.

...In a heart attack kind of way...

Posted by Anthony | June 27, 2007 1:12 PM

So, can you not taste the pickle and onion on a McCheeseburger? That could explain how you might think they're the same; maybe your taster needs recalibration.

Posted by Josh | June 27, 2007 1:20 PM

kevin jones: the voice of reason! viva rancho bravo!

but i do love a special with fries tucked inside. and a fountain coke on the side.

Posted by angela garbes | June 27, 2007 1:23 PM

I totally agree on the in-and-out burgers: they are the world's best.
But Dick's are much greasier and fresher than McDs, so they are A LOT better. McDs are so processed they are almost dead. You never actually taste the meat. And everyone who likes Dick(s) knows, you have to taste the meat! :-)

Posted by calvin | June 27, 2007 1:30 PM

garbles -

angie and i have a little dittie that we like to sing on our car ride to rancho bravo. sort of a call and response thing. sing along.

Its the taco truck.

to the taco truck.

We're gonna go the the taco truck.
We don't go to Dicks CUS IT SUCKS.


btw, if you have never been to Rancho Bravo you are a sucker ... also its open until after 2am, and they you can order anything on the menu however you like it!

oh and, @18 - some people have allergies to eggs that can, well ... cause them to die, thus the ability to order something without mayonaise could save a life or two.

anaphylactic shock - it's a bitch.

Posted by kevin jones | June 27, 2007 1:30 PM

garbles -

angie and i have a little dittie that we like to sing on our car ride to rancho bravo. sort of a call and response thing. sing along.

Its the taco truck.

to the taco truck.

We're gonna go the the taco truck.
We don't go to Dicks CUS IT SUCKS.


btw, if you have never been to Rancho Bravo you are a sucker ... also its open until after 2am, and they you can order anything on the menu however you like it!

oh and, @18 - some people have allergies to eggs that can, well ... cause them to die, thus the ability to order something without mayonaise could save a life or two.

anaphylactic shock - it's a bitch.

Posted by kevin jones | June 27, 2007 1:31 PM

@40- love it.

Dick's fucking rules, but yeah, I'm sure a lot of it is the local nostalgia thing. And yes, Red Mill and Kidd Valley are also delicious, and boo hiss to McDonalds. But Dick's wins with no special order BS, and the burgers are small enough that when you order a special, chocolate shake, and fries, you don't end up feeling like some bloated fuck who needs to lie on a warm rock until the food digests. I never thought that smaller burgers would be a selling point, but it totally is.

Posted by Jessica | June 27, 2007 1:31 PM

Dicks rules.

In n' Out's crappy 1 inch long saltless fries suck. You gotta blanch or soak them things suckas, you can't fry a potato... get it straight!

Posted by Dougsf | June 27, 2007 1:36 PM

As someone already mentioned, the key difference is that McDonalds has those nasty ass pickles and onions on their cheesburgers. Dicks does not, making them better.
Kevie, wanna taco truck it tonight!?

Posted by sars | June 27, 2007 1:38 PM

my old roommate was obsessed with dick's (and dr. pepper), and would buy bags and bags of their cheeseburgers and keep them in the fridge and eat them over the next few days. it was gross but it was also totally awesome.

Posted by Sam | June 27, 2007 1:38 PM

mmm sarsy, lets do it lady!! garbies ... you in? we can throw stuff at people standing in line at Dicks.

Posted by kevin jones | June 27, 2007 1:45 PM

Just wanted to add that Rancho Bravo is open until 2 am only on Friday night and the weekends. On the other weeknights they close up at 10 pm.

Posted by Gomez | June 27, 2007 2:05 PM

Kevin Jones- Most commercial use mayo isn't made with eggs. It's soy based.

At all the Rancho supporters-
Their burritos are terrible. That is all.

Posted by Jonah S | June 27, 2007 2:53 PM

Re: In n' out.

I love Dick's, but when and if an In n' Out makes its way to Seattle, I'm trading up.

Posted by Matt Fuckin' Hickey | June 27, 2007 3:00 PM

I had my first In-N-Out burger a year ago. Oh my god. Those are so good. I will sometimes eat Dick's, but I don't quite get the allure. Basically In-N-Out is what everyone says Dick's is. I wouldn't go as far to say it's Just Like McDonald's -- rather have Dick's by a long shot -- but if you're talkin' in town places, Kidd Valley all the way. But In-N-Out has 'em all beat.

Posted by Rev. Syung Myung Me | June 27, 2007 4:55 PM

Many of you have already waxed far more eloquently than I myself would ever be able to do regarding the merits of a late-night Dick's Deluxe, and for all the obvious reasons, so all I can add to this discussion is this:

If you're ever in Fall City, hit Small Frye's, order a bacon double-cheese burger and a bag of fries. Trust me on this one. You will not be disappointed.

And speaking of burgers: what the Hell happened to CC's in E. Union? Damn, I miss that place!

Posted by COMTE | June 27, 2007 7:40 PM

I really don't think In'n'Out is the best fast food burger. Strangely Burger King Texas Double ROCKS MY FACE!

Posted by Michael | June 27, 2007 7:56 PM

I grew up in the Olympia area and my favorite burger place growing up was Big Tom's. They use the same sauce Dick's does (see recipe post #30) but the burgers were more like what you'd get at the former Dags or Oregon's Burgerville.

I wish Seattle had more walk up places like Dick's. I don't own a car so can't take advantage of 24 hour drive up windows and other than Dick's a lot of fast food close their doors at 10.

Posted by elswinger | June 28, 2007 6:59 AM

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