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Friday, June 15, 2007

A War Between Squirrel and Man is Coming

posted by on June 15 at 10:41 AM

grey_squirrel.jpg

A report from the latest scrimmage skirmish, this time in Germany:

An aggressive squirrel attacked and injured three people in a German town before a 72-year-old pensioner dispatched the rampaging animal with his crutch.

The squirrel first ran into a house in the southern town of Passau, leapt from behind on a 70-year-old woman, and sank its teeth into her hand, a local police spokesman said on Thursday.

With the squirrel still hanging from her hand, the woman ran onto the street in panic, where she managed to shake it off.

(Via Seattlest.)

RSS icon Comments

1

Can we get an editor in here? Skirmish?

Posted by Huh? | June 15, 2007 10:55 AM
2

These barbarians will continue to attack us and our freedoms unless we destroy them. The only thing they understand is force.

Someone call Cheney.

Posted by steve | June 15, 2007 10:55 AM
3

I think human-kind can take the squirrels... crows on the other hand...

Posted by Phenics | June 15, 2007 10:57 AM
4

We would totally lose.

Posted by Gitai | June 15, 2007 11:07 AM
5

Clearly, there is only one thing to be done:

we should invade their trees, kill their leaders and convert them to Christianity.

Posted by COMTE | June 15, 2007 11:10 AM
6

Squirrel Hill is a fine neighborhood in Pgh, PA. Home of Carnegie-Mellon, it was at the SqHll library branch where a friend of mine and his 70 yr old grandmother walked up to retrieve a Nick Drake cassette. My friend recommended it, ordered it, and on a few first listens, I didn't get it, too sappy. "Black-eyed Dog" resonated somewhat. Maybe 2 or 3 years later, I started to dig it. Then a couple a years after that I started seeing Nick's face on Spin, etc.

The point being, about 5 miles north of SqHll is Oakmont, PA. I used to to deliver auto-body paint to a few tidy backwater garages there, and admired the contentment. This moment, now, probably on the Tiger Woods Channel, the PGA U.S. Open is being played there. I pine for the area-- *must get to Beacon Hill Jackson driving range in next few hours!*
Grey skies! Across the board! my 4-iron is lame!

Secretly, and confidential to a certain post, brilliant sadness continues to swish through thses days of unemployment; I'm trying to make the most of it, before having to go back, sell my soul, and fine tune biting the hand that feeds me.

Posted by Garrett | June 15, 2007 11:17 AM
7

I'd totally pay to see Ann Coulter face off with a rabid squirrel.

Posted by NapoleonXIV | June 15, 2007 11:18 AM
8

I first read it as the 72-year old pensioner dispatched the squirrel with his *crotch*.

Posted by smiles | June 15, 2007 11:28 AM
9

You go squirrel!

Posted by elswinger | June 15, 2007 11:28 AM
10

Let's all sing songs in the park for quarters! Go Foamy the Squirrel!

Posted by Will in Seattle | June 15, 2007 12:10 PM
11

COMMUNIQUE FOR MR. BRENDAN KILEY OF THE STRANGER NEWSPAPER PUBLICATION: YOUR DOOM IS AT HAND, MOTHERFUCKER. OUR MEMORIES ARE LONG AND OUR JUSTICE MERCILESSLY HARSH FOR THOSE WHO WOULD DO VIOLENCE UPON OUR BROTHERS. MR. KILEY, WE ARE LEGION AND WILL NOT STOP UNTIL YOUR SKULL HAS BEEN CRUSHED IN OUR MIGHTY PAWS LIKE A TASTY WALNUT. ALL HAIL THE BUSHY-TAILED HORDE OF FREEDOM!

Posted by Squirrel Liberation Front | June 15, 2007 12:13 PM
12

UMMM!! HELLOOO! That exact thing happened to me, age 10, at Matthews Beach Park!!! Complete with "the squirrel still hanging from her hand, [young Lindy] ran onto the street in panic, where she managed to shake it off." I still have a tiny scar. And the squirrel just ran away into the bushes like a total asshole.

Posted by Lindy West | June 15, 2007 12:25 PM
13

The war is over. Slog lost.

You guys never thanked us for the walnuts, by the way.

Posted by j | June 15, 2007 2:02 PM
14

Squirrels know that the bones of the old are peanut-brittle.

Posted by Lloyd Clydesdale | June 16, 2007 9:52 AM
15

Where? Behind the Squirrel? Hey--always pack a little "heat".

Posted by Kristafarian | June 17, 2007 12:11 AM
16

And I welcome our new cute and furry overlords and will offer myself to their fuzzy tailed service to bring the rest of humanity to their knees. HAIL Squirrel!! Praise to your cuteness!!!

Posted by Just Me | June 17, 2007 2:13 PM
17

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Posted by raufgey mwdur | June 25, 2007 4:53 PM
18

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Posted by raufgey mwdur | June 25, 2007 4:53 PM

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