Life A Modest Proposal
posted by June 19 at 14:42 PMon
During my bicycle commute to work this morning, I was nearly crushed into a paste for stopping at a traffic light. ďYou didnít signal you wanted to go straight through the intersection,Ē screeched the helpful driver. (What is the proper bicycle hand signal for wanting to go straight through an intersection? An extended middle finger?) The unfairness of the situation struck me: How long have the Seattle-area drivers been providing educational opportunities like these for pedestrians and cyclists? There really is no better teacher than a deadly weapon, like four thousand pounds of ineptly controlled steel rubber and glass. Itís the vehicular manslaughter of love, a little death threat to discourage any minor inconvenience to car commuters. How dare we deny drivers their own continuing education? Therefore, I propose that all pedestrians and cyclists in the city be required to carry a weapon. A nice handgun or perhaps an Omar Little-style shotgun. Like drivers running cyclists off the road for using part of a lane, cyclists should be required to threateningly wave their handgun at any driver talking on a cell phone while driving. Incompetent parallel parking on a busy street demands an earnest attempt to end a life, just like any cyclists experiences when daring to use Mercer Street to cross Aurora.
Remember, an armed society makes a polite society.