Savage Love Making Up Letters—Why Bother?
posted by on May 28 at 11:04 AM
Every day with the usual “Savage Love” mail I get one or two accusations of fraud: I have to make up the letters that appear in my column, distressed folks insist. People just aren’t that… weird… are they? Usually I point to my own laziness in my defense: Why would I make up the mail? That would only mean more work for me—and I’m busy enough, thanks.
A recent letter in “Savage Love” from a man into ball busting—he enjoys being kicked in the nuts and found himself a nice young lesbian that enjoyed kicking ‘em for him—earned a few dozen accusations of fraud. Being kicked in the balls? Surely no man is into that. I had to be making it all up. (Never mind the fetish websites out there for bull busters and ball bustees.)
Well, they do exist—and for proof I can point to this morning’s newspapers. The AP reports the story of a sad, frustrated Canadian ball-bustee…
Police in Ontario are looking for a man who allegedly approached women and asked them to kick him in the groin. Three women reported similar incidents to police over the past two months, and two of the women reported the suspect was on a bicycle. None of the women reported injuries.Police Sgt. Cate Welsh said Monday the man’s request is not a crime, but they are concerned nonetheless. ”That kind of behavior tends to be a precursor to sexual assault.”
Yes, it is. But a welcomed assault on the ball-bustee, officer.
A "precursor to sexual assault"? Is there really any precedent for that particular claim? I somehow suspect that if any of the women had taken him up on his request, he would not be in a particularly good position to launch an attack.
That's precisely the point isn't it. He isn't getting sexual fulfillment that way, feels emasculated and may go raping as a consequence.
I can see why the officers would consider him potentially dangerous, Dan. He's approaching female strangers in the hope of getting some sexual gratification, even if it is in the form of a kick in the balls. That's creepy behaviour.
Yes, it's creepy. And the police should be made aware of it. But it's not illegal to be a creep. Really.
I didn't say it was illegal. It's obviously not. The police are quoted as saying so in the story. But they're right to be concerned, that's all.
Agreed...
In this day-and-age, with instant online access to the entire spectrum of human sexual experience, anyone with five minutes to spare and a reasonably purient vocabulary can find all manner of examples of extreme sexual gratification that it literally makes one's head swim.
Just the stuff people like British graphic novelist Warren Ellis (www.warrenellis.com) regularly posts to his web site should be enough to convince anyone that: if you can describe it, it can be done, and if it CAN be done, someone, somewhere has not only already tried it, but most likely posted graphic images of doing so.
In short, the best arguement against Dan making stuff up for his column is that there's already so much incomprehensibly extreme genital manipulation out there on the 'net that even the hardiest sexual adventurer would twinge in vicarious pain at the mere sight of it.
It's creepy, and it's also harassment. If it's a sexual fetish, then he's trying to get people involved in his sex life who don't want to be involved. It's not that different than a flasher. The level of violation on the part of the victim may not be nearly as severe, but these women did feel uncomfortable enough to go to police. Think about how they felt in that situation.
It may not be illegal, but it's kind of immoral.
The only letter I ever thought Dan made up was the one with the girl who broke up with her boyfriend because of his foot fetish, which manifested itself in constant free foot massages for the girl. I can believe just about any kink imaginable, but I still don't believe that girl exists.
This one:
I'm a 20-year-old straight girl. For six months, I was dating a guy I thought was nice and normal. One way my boyfriend showed he cared, or so I thought, was by massaging my feet after work (I wait tables to pay my tuition). Then he confessed that he has a foot fetish. He wasn't rubbing my feet to be sweet or tender or considerate, but for his own selfish reasons. I dumped him. He was very upset and is still begging me to take him back.
We had been talking about marriage, but that's over now. I don't want to be with someone who has a fetish. How can I know if he wants me back or just my feet? I know a lot of freaks write to you, and I enjoy reading about freaks, but I don't want to date a freak. Where can I find a normal man?
Freaked Out Girl
That's just NUTS!
Chris: I've known people who've broken up because their SO won't stop doing their dishes, laundry, etc. People get really upset over stupid things.
What ever happened to good ol' fashioned screwing?
Dear Dan,
I'm in to good o' fashioned screwing.
Is that normal?
Sincerely,
Boring Everyone Is Great Entertainment
Kerlyssa: Over DOING their dishes and laundry? Ok, now that I don't believe.
"Dear Dan,
My SO keeps doing my dishes! How can I ever know if he loves me and not my chinaware?"
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