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Monday, May 21, 2007

Jesus Christ Struck by Lightning!

posted by on May 21 at 11:39 AM

Let’s say I got hit by lightning on a Sunday and, oh, it burned my arm off. I’m thinking Christian conservatives would claim it was God’s wrath—you know, just like God sent hurricane Katrina to drown all those little old ladies in nursing homes to express His righteous displeasure with all them gays in the French Quarter. Dan Savage lightning? Well, it looks like God finally had enough of my women-peggin’-men-promotin’, nutty-xtian-fundy-bashin’, dirty-filthy-smut-mouthin’ sex advice column and… zap! He took one of my arms as a warning. Keep writing that sex advice column, Savage, and He’ll take the other one!

Well, a 33-foot-tall statue of Jesus was hit by a bolt of lightning on Sunday in Golden, Colorado, on Sunday afternoon, blowing his outstretched arm clean off. Wrath of God? His righteous anger? No, no—of course not! When lightning hits a sex-advice columnist or porn store or a Prius that’s wrath of God. But when lightning hits a statue of Jesus? What is it then?

Don’t look for any religious symbolism here—it was only a freak act of Mother Nature, says Sister Ilaria.

The nuns at Mother Cabrini Shrine in Golden were thanking God on Sunday that no one was hurt when a bolt of lightning shot out of the sky and struck their 33-foot statue of Jesus.

The lightning bolt broke off one of Jesus’ arms and a hand and damaged one of his feet, sending marble plummeting to the ground during a Saturday afternoon storm.
“There were pilgrims up there on the hill,” Sister Ilaria said. “The biggest miracle is no one got hit with the falling debris.”

Or maybe God was sending those pilgrims a warning about idolatry? What was the Second Commandment again? Something about “graven images” wasn’t it?

Man, I can’t wait to read about this on Jesus’ blog.

Via Newspeak.

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Posted by Fnarf | May 21, 2007 11:40 AM

Doh! Fixing now, Fnarf... thank God typos don't anger God so much. The Stranger's office would be a smoldering ruin.

Posted by Dan Savage | May 21, 2007 11:44 AM

I'm convinced all nuns are into scat.

Posted by Mr. Poe | May 21, 2007 11:52 AM

That reminds me of one of my favorite stories about the University of Notre Dame. I visited the campus in the spring of my junior or senior year of high school. There was a horrible ice storm the night I was there... in the morning, the enormous statue of Jesus next to the Basilica & Golden Dome had been knocked off its pedastel by the storm. It had taken a nose dive and literally had its head buried in the dirt. I'm not one to believe in "signs", but damn, that was funny...

Posted by Julie | May 21, 2007 1:01 PM

But it would be so easy to transmute this into a religious parable! "Just like Jesus died for all our sins, He took the blow from the lightning bolt so that it would not cause grevious harm to any living person. Praise Jesus and Jesus's sacrifice, Amen."
Man, I'm ashamed of those nuns.

Also, the thing about graven images depends on which version of the ten commandments you're using. Roman Catholics, Orthodox Catholics, Protestants, and Jews all have slightly different versions of the ten commandments. They're different because it's possible to translate and to parse the original Hebrew in slightly different ways. Also, at least one of the commandments shows up in different versions in different parts of the bible. Anyway, Jews have "No idols" as part of the second commandment, Prostestants have it as the whole second commandment, and Catholics have it as part of the first commandment.

Yeah, religion's confusing.

Posted by Mika | May 21, 2007 1:52 PM

If, in addition to being an outspoken proponent of homosexual rights, you also happened to be thirty feet tall and made out of metal, you'd certainly be a lot more likely to experience that particular version of God's wrath.

Those graven idols are such lightning rods for controversy!

Posted by flamingbanjo | May 21, 2007 5:36 PM

Nice Shoutout on the Jesus Blog today!

Posted by GW2 | May 22, 2007 1:01 PM

Just to let you know, it was struck on Saturday not on Sunday.

Posted by Matt | May 22, 2007 1:54 PM

Just to let you know, it was struck on Saturday not on Sunday.

Posted by Matt | May 22, 2007 1:54 PM

Just to let you know, it was struck on Saturday not on Sunday.

Posted by Matt | May 22, 2007 1:54 PM

Just to let you know, it was struck on Saturday not on Sunday.

Posted by Matt | May 22, 2007 1:55 PM

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