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Monday, May 21, 2007

Is There a Real Doctor in the House?

posted by on May 21 at 13:57 PM

Let’s say you bought one of those incredibly expensive life-sized dolls—“the most realistic love doll in the world”—you heard about on Howard Stern or read about in “Savage Love.” They’re incredibly expensive silicone sex toys—lady-shaped and life-sized, a “Real Doll” never has to be taken to dinner, never wants go out dancing, and never, ever says “no.” They never say anything—they just sit there, looking all lifelike and horny and ready. Like Stephanie here…

Stephanie6.JPG

A Real Doll costs close to eight thousand dollars when you figure in taxes and shipping—one of the most expensive sex toys in the world. And as a sex toy, a Real Doll is designed to be used. Some come in for hard use. So what do you do when your Real Doll’s breasts flatten out or her jaw falls off or her vagina, uh, splits open?

You go see the Real Doll Doctor, of course. Here’s a safe-for-work picture of a Real Doll’s head being repaired…

head08.jpg

Here are some disturbing, NSFW pictures of breast, vagina, and butt repairs.

Real Doll now makes boys. Real Doll also offers “flat back torsos”—male and female—for a fraction of the price of a full-size Real Doll.

RSS icon Comments

1

Ah.... the repair pictures are a little disturbing. I know it is fake but still.... I feel a little dirty inside. I mean yeah, it is 8 grand for a sex toy so you want to fix it but still, I want to know is what sort of shit is the owner into to do that sort of damage? (Thankfully he had a doll for it)

Okay, I am over it now..

Posted by Andrew | May 21, 2007 2:03 PM
2

You know, I never had a problem with vibrators or those handheld things that's supposed to feel like a vagina if you put your dick in it, but these really creep me out.

Posted by Dianna | May 21, 2007 2:03 PM
3

I'm still waiting for my Stepford Wive or Fembot.

Posted by elswinger | May 21, 2007 2:06 PM
4

wow. look at the eyebrows on the boy doll.

Posted by Blaire | May 21, 2007 2:13 PM
5

Now only if you could put an audio cassette or a cd inside it, ala Teddy Ruxpin from the 80's. That would be awesome. You could have it sing to you or whisper sweet nothings in your ear.

Just kidding, those are pretty fucking creepy.

Posted by dummy | May 21, 2007 2:14 PM
6

Why is the boy doll's pee pee so small?

I honestly wouldn't want to meet the people that buy these kinds of toys. Why do you need to spend that kind of money on a fake fuck? Either you're incredibly hideous (hello, Elephant Man) and even a hooker won't fuck you, or you have absolutely no social skills and can't get a date. Either way, not the kind of person I'd want to meet up with. But I guess at least this way they can get their freak on.

...creepy

Posted by Faux Show | May 21, 2007 2:25 PM
7

Re: The Male Doll

Hey, I think I saw that guy at Purr on Saturday night!

Seriously, that doll is astonishing. The face is weirdly un-natural but from the back? Damn, I’d never leave the house.

Posted by Original Andrew | May 21, 2007 2:29 PM
8

Faux Show @ 6,

I don’t think it has to do with attractiveness or getting a date; some guys just have really high sex drives and want to get off regularly without a fuss (not to mention the fact that the “sex” couldn’t be safer). Sex toys are just another outlet.

Posted by Original Andrew | May 21, 2007 2:39 PM
9

Faux Show @ 6,

I don’t think it has to do with attractiveness or getting a date; some guys just have really high sex drives and want to get off regularly without a fuss (not to mention the fact that the “sex” couldn’t be safer). Sex toys are just another outlet.

Posted by Original Andrew | May 21, 2007 2:39 PM
10

"I honestly wouldn't want to meet the people that buy these kinds of toys. Why do you need to spend that kind of money on a fake fuck?"

Would you say the same thing about a woman who bought an ultra-expensive vibrator? Sure, it's expensive, but people toss money at more banal things. And if these dolls were $50, I bet millions of men would keep one in the closet.

Posted by tsm | May 21, 2007 2:39 PM
11

I got two perfectly good sex toys permanently attached to my body. They're called hands and their good for other things too (after a quick wash of course).

Posted by Giffy | May 21, 2007 2:41 PM
12

this is the greatest gift for the young man or woman on your shopping list who you suspect might have sociopathic tendencies and need something special to push them over the edge into SerialKillerLand...

Posted by michael strangeways | May 21, 2007 2:58 PM
13

Does Gary Sinise get royalties for every boy RealDoll sold?

Posted by NapoleonXIV | May 21, 2007 3:13 PM
14

The creepiest part for me was the pics of the breast repair. The anonymous, hairy male hands/arms refilling the deflated breasts just made me sad... and like I needed an eyewash.

Posted by Jessica | May 21, 2007 3:16 PM
15

They had this male sex doll on HBO's Real Sex several years ago. Three woman were trying him out, since, of course, that's the market for it.

Posted by Big K | May 21, 2007 3:19 PM
16

For really scary people who find real people scary.

Posted by Boomer in NYC | May 21, 2007 3:30 PM
17

@13
Damn you, you so beat me to it.

that thing is so gary sinise it's scary

G

Posted by james27 | May 21, 2007 3:44 PM
18

A documentary exists only about this! And it's totally watchable, regardless of what IMDB might think this week:

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0968743/

Yep, real doll fanatics have too much cash on their hands.

Posted by jackie treehorn | May 21, 2007 4:09 PM
19

My favorite photo is the boy doll just hanging out in the chair with a glass of beer. I can just imagine the lonely housewives and gay men and their role playing fantasies.

Posted by Gary Sinise's clone | May 21, 2007 4:09 PM
20

I was in columbus, ohio on business and i saw a "documentary" about these. it featured three women with one of the "male" dolls. it was kind of interesting in that the women were thrilled with the doll (and seemed to be thrilled with each other). it had a great lesbo quality, like those weird little parties with 5 men and a doll, pretending there is nothing homo erotic going on.

so yeah, three porno babes and a boy doll following by a documentary about girls basketball. i enjoyed both. a lot.

Posted by chuckles | May 21, 2007 4:42 PM
21

This is old, old news. That documentary is years old. I read about it on Salon years ago. Yes, some creeps out there who buy $8k sex dolls and then beat the crap out of them: arms and legs torn off, vaginas cut to shreds, heads bashed in.

Posted by Fnarf | May 21, 2007 4:48 PM
22

"Why spend $8,000 on fucking and destroying silicone when I can do it to a real person for free?"

Says the person who would cause this kind of damage after purchasing such a thing.

Posted by Mr. Poe | May 21, 2007 4:57 PM
23

You want creepy, there are internet newsgroups and websites just for realdoll lovers. People who have parties with their realdolls - I don't mean just orgy parties, so you can screw the redheaded short one instead of the tall blonde one for a change, I mean they like have barbecues where they all get together and shoot the shit, and they bring their realdolls.

Who presumably eat very little and don't talk much, but sit there and look all feminine and stuff.

Posted by Geni | May 21, 2007 5:06 PM
24

I can't consider this kink...its disturbingly sick. I mean, its just bizarre.

Posted by Cameron | May 21, 2007 5:12 PM
25

Indeed, Geni. The ultimate silent treatment.

Posted by Lloyd Clydesdale | May 21, 2007 5:31 PM
26

But... but... they're COLD! Wouldn't it be like screwing a corpse? A remarkably-well-preserved corpse, but a corpse none the less... ?

Posted by Dr_Awesome | May 21, 2007 5:47 PM
27

Heebie, meet jeebies.

Posted by Maggie | May 21, 2007 6:22 PM
28

Wow, I must have stumbled in to the Christian Coalition's chat room.

Sex negative prudes much?

Posted by Original Andrew | May 21, 2007 6:53 PM
29

@26 There are probably some people who enjoy the corpselike feel, and I've read from other more normal people who keep them under electric blankets to keep their temperature high.

Posted by Gitai | May 21, 2007 7:06 PM
30

I would not be just a nuffin'
My head all full of stuffin'
My heart all full of pain
I would dance and be merry
Life would be a ding-a-derry
If I only had a brain

Posted by stilwell | May 21, 2007 7:54 PM
31

@28. Care for simulated necrophilia much?

Posted by THobbes | May 21, 2007 8:14 PM
32

You give 'em a hot bath. Warms 'em right up.

Posted by Fnarf | May 21, 2007 8:54 PM
33

"We can approximate coloring and hair styles from photos."

The idea that someone could unknowingly have a Realdoll copy of themselves at a barbecue somewhere is creepy.

Posted by ijw | May 21, 2007 10:25 PM
34

Note to the Stranger:

If you're going to silence certain commentators (however disturbing they might be) it's probably best to also delete comments like #22 that directly quote said commentators. You obviously haven't learned enough about censorship from Fox News.

And of course, don't forget to delete mine as well.

Posted by Colin | May 21, 2007 10:47 PM
35

I'm confused about the butt surgery image. I cant figure out how exactly someone could manage to break thier sex doll in that way. I was also surprised, because i figured it would be some sort of anus-tearing problem, but the thing has no anus! If I'd spent that kind of cash on an inanimate life partner I'd be really mad if they short changed me on the orifaces. or orifaci... do you have to pay extra for an anus? does the boy doll have an anus at least? So many Questions... Dan Savage... youve blown my mind!

Posted by Carrie | May 22, 2007 2:43 AM
36

I dunno ... why are we so outraged/icked out about simulated necrophilia? Do we prefer people obtain real corpses instead of silicone ones?

Posted by Gloria | May 22, 2007 4:57 AM
37

The worn-out vagina surgery certainly refutes one of my All-Time Favorite Republican Douche Bag Quotes, noted in David Rakoff's hysterical second book Don't Get Too Comfortable. While researching a story on the Log Cabin Republicans -- a sad little bunch of openly gay conservatives trying to, Trojan Horse-like, bring down the anti-gay movement from inside their safe haven of tax cuts and Reagan Worship -- Mr. Rakoff conducted an interview with Conservative Uberdouche Robert Knight, director of the Culture and Family Institute at the right-wing "pro-family" organization Concerned Women for America. When Mr. Rakoff noted, during one of Knight's rants about the Gay Agenda and the spread of AIDS via same-sex intercourse, that HIV is also spread during good old-fashioned vaginal intercourse, Knight responded (and this is such a great quote): "...the vagina is designed to accomodate a penis. It can take a lot of punishment!"

To which the sublime Mr. Rakoff drily responds, if only to we his readers, "My regards to Mrs. Knight."

I heart David Rakoff.

So it appears, from the state of these badly abused pseudovaginas, that they cannot, in fact, take a great deal of punishment before they are in need of repair.

Posted by Wender J. Crinklebank | May 22, 2007 9:11 AM
38

$8,000 does seem outrageously expensive. Where can I get one second-hand? Craigslist?

Posted by Gurldoggie | May 22, 2007 9:17 AM
39

American Girl must grow up to be Real Doll.

Posted by Sheri | May 22, 2007 10:15 AM
40

Carrie @ 35: Those questions are all answered on the website. An anus costs extra, and the boy doll can be made with or without one.

General ethical question: Say you've been cursed with a proclivity for pedophilia. Would getting a child-shaped sex doll be an appropriate way to act out on, and assuage, those urges? Or would approximating the experience only feed into the obsession and intensify the person's desire for (and likeliness to seek out) a child?

Posted by Aislinn | May 22, 2007 10:16 AM
41

Speaking as a parent, I would say there's no such thing as "an appropriate way to act out on, and assuage" the urges associated with pedophilia. And if pedophilia is anything like any other addiction or fetish that must be sated through morally, physically or mentally questionable means, I'd say that giving a pedophile a Child Sex Doll would only feed the obsession and serve as a warm-up for more predacious practices.

Pedophilia is the one issue with which I have Zero Tolerance, even though I'm opposed to the concept of binary states in moral or legal issues.

Posted by Wender J. Crinklebank | May 22, 2007 10:53 AM
42

Those would make FANTASTIC simulators to train ob/gyn residents (like me) Hey, you could even simulate several diseases, pregnancy, cervical dilation...wow.
I don't know what's sicker, but really...

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43

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44

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