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Monday, May 21, 2007

Miss Direction and the Duct-Tape Guy

posted by on May 21 at 11:29 AM

Recent days brought a pair of notable sightings from Last Days’ hot tippers.

First comes Hot Tipper Emma:

I was waiting for the bus and a blue station wagon pulled up with a sign on it that said “Miss Direction, transforming the mundane.” A lady got out of the car wearing a black coat with what looked like compasses sewn to her jacket. She introduced herself as Miss Direction, accompanied by her friend Michelle, and she and Michelle wanted to give me a ride to wherever I needed to go in exchange for my life story and my signature in their guest book. I don’t really relish telling my life story to strangers, but I took the ride anyway, even if it meant being asked questions like, “If you were an animal, which animal would you be?” Miss Direction dropped me off in front of my office, and gave me a little piece of paper that said “abandon desire.”

Even more beguiling than Emma’s Miss Direction sighting is Hot Tipper Todd’s report on the Duct-Tape Guy:

I was in Home Depot to get a key made. As I’m looking around for an employee, I spot a somewhat homeless-looking man wearing a mask. This mask was made entirely of duct tape. It had holes for his eyes and mouth (picture Dr. Doom) and a clear safety shield, which was in the upright position. This guy walks up to an employee and asks, “What aisle is the duct tape on?” Oh my freaking god, am I dreaming this? Apparently I was not dreaming, because that same employee ended up making my key for me, and he wouldn’t shut up about the duct tape guy. Since then, I’ve shared this story with friends and co-workers, and I’ve heard of many sightings. Does anyone know what this guys story is?? I gotta know.

Does anyone know anything about this masked man? Has anyone else encountered Miss Direction (who sounds a little flat-chested, if you know what I mean)? Are we in the middle of a public-art renaissance?

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My girlfriend and I have seen the Duct-Tape Guy outside of two fish-and-chips restaurants (Spud and Ivar's). He's in the U-District quite a bit, too. He's one of the more intimidating crazies I've seen in this city. If he gets struck by lightning or dropped into a vat of radioactive waste, we're all toast!

Posted by Matthew | May 21, 2007 12:06 PM

Duct Tape Guy is also known in some parts as The Chrome Sheriff. The Hopscotch Boys have a song about him.

Posted by Jason Josephes | May 21, 2007 12:07 PM

Awesome. I want a ride from Miss Direction and I want her to take me directly to Duct-Tape Guy!

Posted by Stephanie | May 21, 2007 12:29 PM

Holy crap! I've seen that guy too. He came into Hardwicks on Roosevelt about a month ago, wearing the disturbing duct tape mask and stinking to high heaven. Wonder what his story is?

Posted by seralata | May 21, 2007 12:55 PM

no, flat-chested is all grey right now.

Posted by bob. | May 21, 2007 1:18 PM

Everyone: Meet the Bee-Keeper.

It's spring so he's taken off the plastic shield that used to cover his entire face, but rest assured, he lingers around the Jack in the Box on 50th and University, scaring off small college freshman with deep Darth Vader-like gasps for air, as heinous as the duct-tape chinstrap he attaches to his jaw.

Last summer, the bee-keeper got his name because instead of the plastic shield he donned this winter or the duct-tape chinstrap he's wearing now, he had a mesh, bee-keeperesque hood surrounding his entire head with a duct-tape lined hole for eating (babies) near his mouth.

This is the scariest homeless man on the Ave. Duct-tape is only half the story. It's only half his costume. God help us all when the summer comes, with its bees and bugs, and he covers his head in mesh once again to become: The Bee-Keeper!

Posted by Meet the Reason the Bees are leaving. | May 21, 2007 1:22 PM

Wow. How intimidating do you have to be to be the scariest homeless guy in the U District? Terrifying!

Posted by keshmeshi | May 21, 2007 3:57 PM

I see Duct Tape guy all the time, and notwithstanding his appearance, he's quiet and polite and a threat to nobody (and if you think he's scary - you should see his car).

For a bunch of "big city" wannabees, y'all are a bunch of chickenshit candy asses when it comes to mentally ill homeless people.

Posted by Mr. X | May 21, 2007 8:38 PM

His car must look like Lucifer then.

It's all in the scary appearance. It's terrifying when you're at Jack in the Box at 2 am and suddenly you feel you are not alone. Then, dread takes over. You turn and the Bee Keeper is upon you. Swarming with his voodoo bees.

Posted by Meet the Reason the Bees are leaving | May 21, 2007 11:40 PM

My first encounter with Tape Man was on Mardi Gras, which is Pancake Day. A friend and I went to the now-closed IHOP to bask in pancakey goodness. Foresight lacking, we had not realized that the free pancake campaign had converted the place into Seattle's ritziest soup kitchen. All but two employees had abandoned their post; the management itself was afraid to enter the building. We waited a short time before deciding it was a bad idea to stay, but right before we left, we saw him.

From behind, he's rather unassuming: just a tall man in a large heavy overcoat and hat. Except that the coat had a sleeve torn off and a tshirt wrapped around the arm as a replacement. I noticed his right hand had a band of duct tape around it. He turned to face us, if it can be called that, and only then did I see the horror of his face, with only one spectacled eye peering wildly from behind the tape.

After escaping, we looked back to see the man behind the window. Although he was wearing a coat, the waist of his pants were sitting at half-thigh, and below the hem of his shirt and his mottled and somewhat distended stomach skin hung his genitals, loosely bound in duct tape as well, but imperfectly so, such that bits of scrotum and penile flesh peeked through. Some people describe things that induce a moment of what feels like maddness. They have no idea.

Posted by Ford | May 24, 2007 5:46 PM

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