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Wednesday, May 23, 2007

American Idol: Blake the Butcher

posted by on May 23 at 11:08 AM

Last night was yet another blood bath on American Idol, but this time? It was beatboxing Blake who did the butchering. Oh yeah… SPOILER ALERT!
It was the last night of singing for finalists Blake and Jordin (neither of whom deserve to be there, but who gives a flying flip? It’s American Idol, not the electoral college). And while Blake got kudos for his tiresome fakey-ass beatboxing remix of “You Give Love a Bad Name,” he MURDERED (and subsequently was murdered by) the final original song given to both contestants entitled, “This is My Now.” How bad of a song was it? Here are a few of the lyrics. You be the judge.

This is my now, and I am breathing in the moment / But I look around / I can’t believe the love I see / My fears behind me, gone are the shadows and doubts / That was then, this is my now.

WOW. That’s really terrible. On the upside, Jordin excels in singing terrible songs, and even shed a few crocodile tears on the final bars, thereby clinching her victory tonight. Blake on the other hand, unable to fall back on his junior varsity mouth rhythms, decapitated the song, set it on fire, and then extinguished the blaze via urination. In other words, NOT SO GOOD. Hand Jordin the trophy now, please, and let’s forget this season ever transpired.
EXCEPT FOR ONE CONTESTANT, the memorable SANJAYA. And get this! According to a new video just released, it’s been revealed that perhaps Sanjaya isn’t really who he says he is! In this clip, Sanjaya reveals his true name and intentions: He is Bill Vendall, a grad art school student who entered Idol as part of an art project to fulfill his graduate thesis! Whether truth or bullshit, now I really wish he had won!

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yeah i wish he won too...if what he said in the video is true that is

god i hate that show. i hope its the last season...

Posted by shrubbysteve | May 23, 2007 11:19 AM

Sanjaya needs to work on those acting skills. But I am looking forward to his upcoming reality show. Only to use as a drinking game, of course.

The final song sucked, no matter who sings it, it sucked. And the writers? Two guys from Seattle. Well they suck! The lyrics were incredibly cliche and sappy and the melody was dull as hell!

blake wont win, but that's fine. neither are great. but neither was taylor hicks or ruben studdard, and they won. this show just needs to die!

Kelly clarkson was the only idol worth being an idol. all others pale in comparison and they should just stick to their day jobs

Posted by Faux Show | May 23, 2007 11:24 AM

Sanjaya means "one who is victorious," "one who wins or conquers," or "one who bestows or gives victory to others".
from wikipedia of all places...

Posted by shrubbysteve | May 23, 2007 11:24 AM

I think at this point Blake is wondering what the hell he got himself into, and he's glad it's over.

That last song sucked. It deserved butchering.

Posted by phil | May 23, 2007 11:29 AM

Shedding crocodile tears will get you anywhere!

Posted by hunh? | May 23, 2007 11:39 AM

That Sanjaya video is poorly acted and not funny. It's clearly what a seventeen-year old from Federal Way thinks a 25-year old would act like. Someone also pointed out the the blond girl in the video looks like Lauren from Shenanigans.

I like Blake the best, because he seems honest and nice (like how he won the coin toss, but asked Jordin what she wanted - of course she picked second, everyone but Blake apparently knows you want to leave the last impression). He's not a terrible singer, and like Simon kept saying, he's a better performer. Jordin has a tolerable voice, but I don't think it's nearly as good as they give her credit for, and her songs are boring regardless of if she's on-key. Plus, the whole anti-abortion/myspace thing makes me wish that she would NOT receive a major recording contract. But, whatever. If I really cared, I probably would have voted.

Posted by Aislinn | May 23, 2007 11:47 AM

Blake still has a chance of winning. Young teenage girls hit redial hundreds of times, for the entire X hours they're allowed to vote. That's the sort of thing you do when you're 13 and see a cute boy on tv trying to win a popularity contest. (Not saying he's the cutest boy ever, but he's the only boy left in the competition and he does have a vague Simon LeBon vibe going on.)

Posted by Kristi | May 23, 2007 1:12 PM

maybe sanjaya has been reading the slog conversations about andrew wk and his being an alter ego

Posted by erin | May 23, 2007 1:53 PM

I want Blake to win, because it will be totally ridiculous, and it will make me laugh.

Posted by Maggie | May 23, 2007 3:00 PM

AI is much easier to take when you're Tripping on the Chiuaua.

Posted by Boomer in NYC | May 23, 2007 5:07 PM

i cheat every week to see who goes home by going to and checking their idol blog. blake goes home this week. which i think is a very very good thing! no shitty ass contract to deal with! maybe a local label will pick him up!

Posted by morgana | May 23, 2007 7:57 PM

Ok I happened to catch the last bars of Blake destroying the Bon Jovi song and this was like the second time I'm seeing Idol - that was the WORST singing I've heard in years. Who the fuck sits and watches this shit every week? you've got to be fucking kidding me that people like watching this.

Posted by loser | May 23, 2007 8:03 PM

gee thanks #11. next time say SPOILER ALERT. That sucks, but it's no surprise.

I, for one, am enjoying this show. It's good tv. And Blake was great with the rapper (sorry, don't know his name). They cut loose and Blake finally got a chance to be himself.

Posted by phil | May 23, 2007 9:03 PM

just watched the African Children's Choir, and they were nothing short of wonderful. Me and this glass of wine just want to take one more opportunity to say a hearty FUCK YOU to #11.

Poor Paula. Girlfriend needs help.

Oh, Green Day is on now, singing John Lennon's Working Class Hero. Another wonderful song and performance.

Posted by phil | May 23, 2007 9:23 PM

as this is my first year, and likely only year, watching this show/extravaganza, I will say that I am not at all impressed with the previous winners tonight: Kelly
clarkson, taylor hicks, and that other one were all underwhelming. but they were all better than the second worst performance of the evening, Tony Bennett, and the worst, most embarrassing thing I have seen in years: bette midler doing that god awful wing beneath my wings waaaaaaaaaaaaay out of tune.

check it out check it out dawg it was way to pitchy for me.

Posted by phil | May 23, 2007 10:02 PM

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