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Things You Will Never See in Seattle…

…a breakfast with not one, but TWO, count ‘em two strips of bacon, two sausage patties, one biscuit, two eggs, a pile of grits, and a cup of coffee for $3.50…

nekbonz.jpg

…a barbecue smoker, that smells like hickory wood and pure heaven, in the shape of a giant gun…

big-guns.jpg

…or a strip club filled with gays, straights, oldies and punks, all getting piss-drunk together while aging strippers tell knock-knock jokes and pole dance to ‘Rosanna’ by Toto…

clermont.jpg

ATLANTA GEORGIA, I LOVE YEE

Comments (28)

1

Salutations! Yeah, fuck "how was it?' in Seattle. kelly o, travel the country and enjoy yrself (i'll give ya my personal email for some righteous pics like that smoker), smoke out sister!

Posted by feed the punks, not trolls | April 9, 2007 12:53 PM
2

Mmm... cheap-ass, factory farmed sausage, bacon and eggs and a crappy cup of Folgers. No thanks.

Posted by DOUG. | April 9, 2007 1:01 PM
3

Mmmm, grits. They weren't nearly as scary as I had imagined.

Posted by gfish | April 9, 2007 1:09 PM
4

gfish..
i had grits twice last week ( cause i'm too lazy to cook grits at home.. and besides if don't clean a grit pot right away it'll be one sumbitch to clean later) for breakfast at kingfish
( there's a joint in portland - utopia - that serves fried grits and maple syrup for breakfast ) and at dinner at marjorie's..the dinner grits was particularly tasty cause they snuck some bacon in em.. and for real they rilly ain't no more scary than a pile of polenta..

Posted by riz | April 9, 2007 1:19 PM
5

Correction. You will never see that in White Seattle. The Silver Fork on Rainier has the early bird special special for 3.50 which has that with the exception of the 2 links,you can choose links or bacon. But you get the grits, two eggs, coffee and toast. No biscuit. Not that you ever see the white settlers from Columbia city at the Silver fork.

Posted by SeMe | April 9, 2007 1:20 PM
6

Wrong. Wrong. Wrong. Wrong.

Just in Wallingford - as white as you can get - at the Varsity Restaurant at 35th, just north of Gasworks Park (about one block up the hill) you can get this from 7-10 am every morning.

Tsk.

Do your research before posting untruths about breakfast.

Next thing you'll tell me is that China First's lunch special doesn't exist in the U Dist with it's fine hot & sour soup.

Posted by Will in Seattle | April 9, 2007 1:29 PM
7

You're not still here, are you? If you are, you might try for Ann's Snack Bar out Decatur-ward and get yourself a Ghettoburger. It can be cross-referenced with all the cholesterol-themed posts lately, even!

Fair warning, though: It was recently named Best Burger In America, so they're distressingly impossible to get anymore. I've been enjoying them on occassion for five years, though, and they really are amazing.

Posted by Christin, loyal reader in Atlanta | April 9, 2007 1:37 PM
8

the silver fork on rainier won't SEAT white customers (at least not this white customer on that particular morning).

you don't seat, i don't eat, i don't return.

a shame, too. i heard such good things about the silver fork.

Posted by Max Solomon | April 9, 2007 1:55 PM
9

...oh god, I cannot believe y'all went to the Clermont Lounge.

Posted by Sweeney Agonistes | April 9, 2007 1:57 PM
10

max ans SeMe is straight up trippin.. max may not have been seated but certainly not because he was white.i've seen plenty of white folks at the silver fork by themselves and in groups. and - have had breakfast there with white folks myself..
i stopped going there because more often then not the grits would be cold. cold grits is nasty

Posted by riz | April 9, 2007 2:33 PM
11

@ number 8...

I went to the silver fork on recomendation from a friend of mine at 11 on a sunday, just in time for the post church rush. After seven other groups where seated who came in after us we left. I think it may have more to do with seating regulars than not seating whites (I'm brown). However, I DID have my honkey-ass boyfriend with me....

Posted by tis true | April 9, 2007 2:42 PM
12

Doesn't Linda's still have a breakfast like that? Maybe not $3.50, but I do remember paying less than five dollars for my tasty/greasy breakfast.

Posted by silver | April 9, 2007 2:42 PM
13

Little Pat's Place on Ambaum, just a coin toss south of 136th SW. Greasy and cheap as it gets. Grew up on this kind of breakfast. I sneak down there when the gf is sleeping in. The one time she went, her "tea" cup (coffee cup with tea bag in it) had a ring 'o stain in it. Whaddaya expect. It's kinda a hole in the wall. Classic bfast diner.

Posted by Lloyd Clydesdale | April 9, 2007 3:24 PM
14

riz i agree cold grits are nasty, but i gotta be honest man, i have not had cold grits there once, theyre warm and the butter melts in them, and im not trippin bro jus' clowning, and truth be told the early bird special is 3.50. i dont know what max is talking about, ive seen white folks there. and brown folks being one myself and a long time patron. but white folks in columbia city prefer that place across from lotties which is whiter than anything in wallingford.

Posted by SeMe | April 9, 2007 3:34 PM
15

ya'll, Calumbo City in the house. Silver Fork is a little weak on savory taste sensations, but it's an occasional nice place (white girl w/ family) for a cup of joe and some leggo my eggos. the place across from lottie's is Geraldines, and it's what you'd expect: quaint, mostly white, overpriced pretty good chow (also occasional visit). There are a few tucked away choice spots that I'd be crazy to tell about, but you may want to start at the butcher shop.

Posted by little girl | April 9, 2007 3:54 PM
16

I have to assume this Clermont Lounge served as inspiration for the song on Outkast's Big Boi's Got Purp? mixtape?

Posted by colin | April 9, 2007 4:00 PM
17

Great post - nice to see that there are some cities that haven't been taken over by the smug and pretentious. WTF do you think goes into your designer "turkey/apple sausage" there, Snobby McSnobberson? The same basic fixins that are in the factory stuff.

Posted by Chupacabra | April 9, 2007 4:20 PM
18

@17: You mean cities full of fat, unhealthy citizens who have no clue where their food comes from?

Posted by DOUG. | April 9, 2007 4:42 PM
19

well, i waited a half hour with my caucasoid buddy who swore by how awesome the silver fork was, there were plenty of seats & other parties were seated in front of us. i go out for breakfast about 5 times a year & i live up in NE seattle so its easy to write off.

if they didn't seat me because i'm white i'm acutally ok with that. because they're incompetent? not ok.

Posted by Max Solomon | April 9, 2007 4:59 PM
20

#16 - you're right - it is on that mix!

"...I'm fittin to meet this b*tch up at the Claremont Lounge -
The money's low, but I dare not scrounge -
Cause I'll be right back and the money'll follow -
It's cloudy today, it'll be sunny tomorrow..."

Atlanta was one of the most UN-pretentious, friendliest places I think I've ever been. All sorts of different people - all mixed up together - getting along just fine. Super inspired. Even at the airport - "Whaddya Have? Whaddya Have?" - all with smiles and friendliness.

Ugh. I forgot. ALSO at the airport, on the way home, I overheard a a super pretty young African-American woman, standing with her super hip young son, tell a souvenir shop clerk (also an African-American woman) that "the ONLY reason the white Final Four 2007 coffee cup was MORE expensive than the black Final Four 2007 coffee cup, was because it was WHITE." The clerk looked at her, with the saddest, confused frown EVER, and pulled both coffee mugs under the counter. The lady then spun on her heels, dragging her also-confused son away (who probably didn't care if his mug was black or white) and loudly stated, "I can't WAIT to get back to Oregon."

Posted by KELLY O | April 9, 2007 5:24 PM
21

Actually, I don't think cold grits are nasty - provided they were cooked right in the FIRST place.

Some of my favorite memories from childhood involve cold grits in the morning.

And management always reserves the right not to seat anybody ... don't you read the signs?

Posted by Will in Seattle | April 9, 2007 5:25 PM
22

while Atlanta may be less pretentious and still have some precious slums, it sucks to have people try and hit you as you walk across the street or stare at you like a fucking hooker because they've never seen a white girl wait for the bus. yes, the food is fucking awesome and cheap! but the violence is real, not some stupid drunk hipsters on the hill. and the homeless people will gut you if you don't give them at least a dollar (then they'll cuss at you for more). i miss the homeless in seattle - with half of them, if you were hungry they'd share.

Posted by sweet-t | April 9, 2007 6:56 PM
23

So your $3.50 doesn't include nekbonz?

Posted by Paulus | April 9, 2007 10:44 PM
24

I escaped Atlanta a couple of years ago. It's a truly loathsome place to live and I do not miss the traffic, slums, pollution, crime, heat, sprawl, etc.

I do, however, miss the Clermont Lounge! May that place outlive us all. Did Blondie crush a can for you?

Posted by ex-atlantan | April 9, 2007 11:06 PM
25

#24, I too escaped the ATL three years ago. Things changed dramatically with the post-Olympic sprawl. The traffic, pollution, and entitlement became unbearable. Loved the heat though, did not love the concrete and McMansions.

Seattle is pretentious as hell, but there are plenty of ATL neighborhoods that are the same. No place is perfect, and the grass is always greener.

The clubs from the South would cause riots in Seattle! Oh, Blondie!

Posted by C-G | April 10, 2007 7:04 AM
26

Indeed, when quantity above quality is your goal, Seattle squarely loses.

Posted by Narf | April 10, 2007 7:28 AM
27

I'll take civil rights over bacon, thanks.

And I like bacon a lot.

Posted by Matt | April 10, 2007 7:53 AM
28

# 24 and 25 - Watch the Drunk of the Week column, this Thursday, for a picture of the one and only Blondie crushing a can of Pabst Blue Ribbon! It's my new favorite photo.

Posted by KELLY O | April 10, 2007 10:24 AM

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