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The Greatest Fat Joke of All Time

In the comments Leeerker asks

If someone lit Rush Limbaugh on fire, how long would his bloated corpse burn?

William Shakespeare gives us the best estimate, I think. In Comedy of Errors, Dromio of Syracuse has to fight off the advances of Dromio of Ephesus’ BBW girlfriend.

Marry, sir, she’s the kitchen wench and all grease…. if she lives till doomsday, she’ll burn a week longer than the whole world.

Comments (16)

1

Heh - you just love riling up the "fat acceptance" folks, Dan, don't you? (Not that I can blame you.)

Posted by tsm | April 30, 2007 10:05 AM
2

Hey, I used "BBW" to describe DoE's girlfriend. That's respect.

Posted by Dan Savage | April 30, 2007 10:07 AM
3

GOD DAMN, BEING SLOGGED ABOUT MAKES MY FUCKING MONTH!

I was thinking how long would a giant gasbag filled with hateful arrogance take to burn up.

I don't hate on the overweight, just the people who should be removed from existence.

Posted by Leeerker | April 30, 2007 10:24 AM
4

Didn't the Nazi's turn fat people into lamp oil or candles?

Posted by elswinger | April 30, 2007 10:26 AM
5

Dan, you magnificent bastard.

"BBW" is outrageously duplicitous 99% of the time.

As somebody who routinely enjoys having an insensitive laugh at the expense of the corpulent (from a safe distance, of course), I thank you for this post. Time will now be calculated based on chub tonnage per hour burned, and chub tonnage will similarly be estimated based on approximate cooking time.

"Wow, would you look at that glorious tribute to American sloth and indulgence (and arguably, thyroid problems)? I bet if we lit him on fire now, he'd still be burning next April, just like one of those cliche 'burns forever' tire fires that we don't know how to extinguish so we tolerate the presence of noxious burning rubber indefinitely (rendered fat arguably smells way tastier). His rascal scooter with modified suspension will be incinerated long before we cook off the first 25% of the carcass.

*"He" could easily be "she" or "it" depending on circumstance. I'm equal opportunity.

Posted by jackie treehorn | April 30, 2007 10:33 AM
6

Fat Bashing: Still considered politically correct and okay. Sad.

Posted by Suz | April 30, 2007 10:39 AM
7

I'm getting it in while I can; I'm well on my way at tipping the scales myself. In some ways it is not dissimilar to making fun of the aged in that it is a fate that awaits us all (or many of us). Therefore, what comes around goes around, and I know my karmic reward or whatever is waiting for me at the end of the buffet rainbow, just like for everyone else.

Posted by jackie treehorn | April 30, 2007 10:45 AM
8

thyroid problems occur AFTER you become overweight or obese. stop using it as an excuse for gluttony. stop eating shitty food, lessen your portions, and get up off your fat ass and DO SOMETHING active. duh.

Posted by jameyb | April 30, 2007 1:33 PM
9

Thyroid problems occur independently of weight gain, Jameyb, and in fact hypothyroidism can cause mild weight gain.

I share the desire to shoot down the 'oh, my thyroid is to blame for why I'm 400 pounds' rationale, but it works a lot better when you don't get your facts wrong.

Posted by Megan | April 30, 2007 2:12 PM
10

Suz:

Politically correct: a phrase that never meant anything, still doesn't mean anything, and is a catch all to dispute the role of language in the fomation of worldview (and anything else you don't like.) Sad.

Also see Dickens' Bleak House for human beings burning like tallow candles. Linbaugh would make a beautiful vigil (un)taper for the next inevitable terrorist attack.

Posted by lauren | April 30, 2007 3:44 PM
11

JameyB....you're vitriol is constant.

Must be nice bein' perfect.

Posted by fatass | April 30, 2007 4:33 PM
12

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13

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14

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15

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Posted by Bill | May 12, 2007 4:07 PM
16

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