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“Savage Love” Letter of the Day

I loved your answer to HELP, the person who’s roommate is into BDSM porn. You actually helped me realize something about my own porn proclivities. Like any decent, upstanding, patriotic American, I like a little light bondage but I’d never been particularly interested in anything too hardcore or complex, usually finding it kind of silly. However, I just recently started looking into some BDSM porn sites and was surprised to find how much I enjoyed it. I think you put your finger on two reasons why. 1: Almost without exception, the models on BDSM sites are clearly actually getting off. That almost never seems to be the case with regular porn. While my suspension of pornographic disbelief is often enough to make even the most rote, passionless sex seem real enough to get the job done, there’s nothing like the real thing to get me really turned on.

2: All of the BDSM sites I have happened to check out bend over backwards (pardon the pun) to show that the sex is consensual. There’s always the conspicuously posted consent documentation you find on a lot of sites, but I often find that they’ll do things like show “after” footage of the models hanging out with their tormentors proving not only that it was consensual but also talking about how much they got into it.

I find that regular porn is often ironically far more degrading to women in general than the BDSM stuff I’m seeing. A lot of the time when I’m watching regular porn, there’s an underlying conflict going on in my feminist head as I imagine the circumstances that drove the poor model into the porn industry. I’m sure there are plenty of exceptions and I may even be deluding myself but I’d go as far as to say that the BDSM porn I’ve seen is somehow empowering for the models. Sure, the sex is degrading but it’s clearly a fantasy acted out under established and very protective circumstances that respect the boundaries and rights of the people involved. To me that’s hot.

Ain’t Nothing Like the Real Thing

Comments (1)

1

Uh-huh.

Posted by Boomer in NYC | April 13, 2007 1:56 PM

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