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Monday, April 16, 2007

The Best Show on Television

posted by on April 16 at 11:09 AM

The comedy continues…

Mitt “Morman Underpants” Romney flip-flops on gay rights, can’t remember when exactly he went small-game hunting but he distinctly remembers shooting something somewhere sometime and he absolutely loves, loves, loves guns, even if he doesn’t own one and has never gotten a hunting license. John McCain, like George “Embraceable You” Bush, has no “Plan B” for Iraq. Newt Gingrich is a serial adulterer, has been married three times, and is certifiably crazy. Rudy Giuliani has been married three times (and so has his wife!), does drag and makes out with men, is pro-gay rights, pro-gun control, and thinks the GOP base should just get the hell over the whole abortion issue. The actor Fred Thompson has cancer and is “not a Christian,” according to Rev. James Dobson. Tommy Thompson of Wisconsin is dogged by rumors of marital infidelity and bad plastic surgery. Crazy religious nut Sen. Sam Brownback is such a tool that not even his crazy religious nut pals are taking his candidacy seriously.

Oh, and for the first time ever Democratic presidential candidates are raising money at a faster rate than GOP presidential candidates.

Could it get any worse? Don’t see how… unless Mitt Romney attempted to up his pro-gun cred by, say, shooting a gay fetus. The GOP base woudn’t know what to do with that. They love them guns and they hate them gays—but they love them fetuses too. But they hate them gay fetuses. In fact, the religious right hates them gays so much that they’re prepared to stop insisting that homosexuality is a choice and accept evidence of a genetic basis for homosexuality—but only if they can genetically engineer the gayness out of them fetuses.

The race for GOP presidential nomination is the most entertaining thing on TV at the moment—better than The Office, better than Entourage, better than reruns of Seinfeld.

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You had to know that somebody would get the bright idea of genetically engineering the gay out of their offspring as soon as the possibility of identifying a gene sequence for homosexuality presented itself. The dude's argument is seriously convoluted, though. It's basically that God has punished man for original sin by writing homosexuality and other "defects" into our genes, and so now it is our duty to use technology to reverse this to greater glorify God. Huh? How come tampering with nature "glorifies God" when it's practiced in the name of this sort of eugenics but not in the case of, say, stem cell research? And if God inflicted homosexuality on man for original sin, doesn't erasing that punishment (and in the process messing around with the sacred fetus) amount to open defiance of God's will?

Sorry, I know. Trying to apply logic to crazy people is a losing proposition. But still.

Posted by flamingbanjo | April 16, 2007 11:27 AM

The other unspoken problem with Giuliani - too many vowels in his last name for southern conservatives, if you know what I mean.

Enjoy the good times while they last.

Posted by Sean | April 16, 2007 11:52 AM

I love that Brownback, who is on paper the obvious choice for the tight, is barely an afterthought. A Christian, pro life, anti gay dude from KANSAS is trailing a New York trice divorced fag lover, a mormon, & that old fuck McCain.

Posted by Mike in MO | April 16, 2007 12:02 PM

I don't know - going *purely* by your summary, Giuliani doesn't sound half bad, I'm sure you could apply about the same description to several Seattlites I've dated ...

And re #5, "Giuliani" isn't half bad compared with "Tommy Thompson" (sounds like a wrinkly ancient rock star to me) or, well, "Newt". Really.

Posted by SeattleExile | April 16, 2007 12:47 PM

The current collection of misfits running for the Republican nomination is EXACTLY the reason I think now is a perfect time for the Democrats to run a woman or minority.

In a tight race, a woman or minority would be fighting an uphill battle. There are still too many people around that simply would not vote for a woman or minority, now matter what. But the current field of Republican candidates is a mess, Bush is doing everything he can to ruin any chances of a Republican successor.

In a general sense, the Democrats have a strong advantage right now. I say it is the perfect time to end 200+ years of old white guys as president.

Posted by SDA in SEA | April 16, 2007 12:55 PM

hey, 2008 would be a safe election for ralph nader to run in without being a spoiler for the dems. and where is he? or is it no fun if you can't be spoiler, ralph?

Posted by ellarosa | April 16, 2007 6:23 PM

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