Myths of the “Holy Day”
posted by April 20 at 9:30 AMon
Holy hemp-huffin’ hippies… Friday is 4/20, the official day to get stoned. I know what you might be thinking—it’s stupid to recognize a holiday for stoners who already get stoned all the time to sit around and get stoned some more. But consider this: We have lots of alcoholidays, such as New Year’s Eve, Cinco de Mayo, and St. Patrick’s Day for drinkers to get drunker. And they’re awesome. So let the stoners have their fun.
If you’re one of them, please take note as we correct a few myths about 420:
Myth #1: “The term ‘420’ originated from some police code for ‘pot smoking in progress.’”
Fact: That’s totally bullshit, just like these other half-baked theories. The real answer is that 420 started in the ’70s when a bunch of high-schoolers in San Rafael started referring to getting high as “Four-Twenty Louie.” Boring but true.
Myth #2: “420 is only celebrated by hippies who crawl into moldy basements and wallow in their own filth while passing around greasy chillums.”
Fact: You don’t need to be a basement hippie to wallow in your own filth (gone to the Comet lately?) or to hit the hobbit leaf. In fact, millions of fastidious soccer-mom types smoke pot just so they can chill the fuck out. Keep it up, filthy hipsters and stony neat freaks!
Myth #3: “An underground Nazi police force named April 20th a holiday so they could take over the free world on Hilter’s birthday, when we’re all too incapacitated to resist.”
Fact: That’s fucking insane, you paranoid hippie.
Myth #4: “The best place to celebrate is in the City Attorney’s Office at City Hall, because Tom Carr is totes into your funky junk.”
Fact: Not so much.
Myth #5: “The 4/20 munchies can only be cured by consuming megadoses of Cheetos and strawberry Fanta.”
Fact: Pot could make dog shit delicious, but you’ll still feel like crap after eating it. Best to prepare in advance by ordering pizza. Please note, über-stoners that have to get stoned at 4:20 on 4/20, Hot Mama’s won’t deliver before 5:00 p.m. Harsh toke, I know.
Now go forth, informed readers, and enjoy your pot holiday however you see fit—as longs as you do so safely and responsibly.
Originally posted on 4/18, moved up to 4/20 for all the obvious reasons.