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In Other Saturated Fats

N = C + {fb (cm) • fb (tc)} + fb (Ts) + fc • ta
N=force in Newtons required to break the cooked bacon, fb=function of the bacon type, fc=function of the condiment/filling effect, Ts=serving temperature, tc=cooking time, ta=time or duration of application of condiment/filling, cm=cooking method, C=Newtons required to break uncooked bacon.

It sounds like bullshit but that, according to the BBC, is a formula scienticians at Leeds University invented in their quest to create a perfectly, objectively crispy bacon butty:

800px-Baconbutty.jpg

(A bacon butty, a kind of sandwich favored by the British, can also be expressed in a formula: Bacon Butty = BLT — [L+T].)

Comments (16)

1

How come the portions are so small? I'd have to eat 4 or 5 before I felt that old familiar chugging in my chest.

Posted by diggum | April 9, 2007 1:12 PM
2

Grossest British Food - Chip Butty. A chip (french fry) and butter sandwich. Come to think of it, I saw Paula Deen go to a restaurant for the sole purpose of ordering one of these on a Food Network special. Hmmm...

Posted by Joey the Girl | April 9, 2007 1:22 PM
3

Please not that by using Newtons you make this not useable on our Mars and Moon bases, or by visitors by another planet.

Posted by Will in Seattle | April 9, 2007 1:27 PM
4

how can cooking time and cooking method have the same units - but they must if they are both arguments of the same function - similarly the brits must measure temperature in seconds or time in degrees farenheit

finally note that the final term must be convertible to Newtons and since it's the product of the condiment function and the time of application, the condiment function must be convertible to kg*m/s^3 so it's something like Watts/meter - surely the amount of work per meter rather than the amount of power per meter is a more likely description of the relevance of a condiment to the frisability of bacon

Posted by kinaidos | April 9, 2007 1:44 PM
5

Actually..

BLT - (L + T) != B, necessarily, since a BLT is not merely the addition of bacon to lettuce and tomato, but the multiplication of the three. It's bacon by a factor of lettuce and tomato.

So, BLT/LT = B.

Posted by Symbolic Logic | April 9, 2007 1:44 PM
6

this blog has never made me vomit so much in one day

Posted by jamier | April 9, 2007 1:52 PM
7

A Bacon Butty and a side of deep fried butter. For desert I'm gonna try the sausage grease ice cream.

Posted by monkey | April 9, 2007 2:08 PM
8

Don't forget to top that with some chocolate gravy.

Posted by COMTE | April 9, 2007 3:09 PM
9

Sounds like a bacon and egg sandwich minus the eggs.

Posted by elswinger | April 9, 2007 3:32 PM
10

That's actually a bacon sarnie.

Posted by Mo | April 9, 2007 5:10 PM
11

Bacun butties are delicious. Chip butties are also delicious. These are facts.

Deep-fried butter, I acknowledge, is a bridge too far.

Posted by Tina | April 9, 2007 5:14 PM
12

but that bacon in the pic is NOT crisp. it's limp and greasy. gross! (and i love blt s.)

Posted by ellarosa | April 9, 2007 5:51 PM
13

Conversation with my British husband:

Me: Bacon Sarnie and Bacon Butty are the same thing surely?

Husband: No. Bacon Sarnie is a bacon sandwich. Bacon Butty is on a roll.

And just for the record, he likes the Chip Butty.

Posted by D. | April 9, 2007 8:33 PM
14

I understand dismay at the softness of the bacon. Don't think of it as bacon, is my trick with that sort of English bacon. Think of it as bacon-esque ham. Hacon. It's hacon. Floppy, but not totally hammy. Bacon-ish.

Crispy bacon makes some people sad. My husband is Australian, and crispy bacon keeps his frown right-side-up.

Me, I am a friend to all bacon. Floppy, crispy, hey baby. There's room for all of us in this hot tub.

Posted by Tina | April 10, 2007 12:43 AM
15

I don't have a problem with the bacon, or ham, or whatever that meat is. However, the bread looks disgusting. How could anyone possibly enjoy that?

Posted by lawrence clark | April 10, 2007 1:32 AM
16

Don't forget a Jam Butty or a Crisp Butty. Crisps are potato chips and yes a sarnie is just another name for a sandwich just like a butty. Chips are French Fries, Tea is dinner or supper, "Tea" is also just "Tea" as in a "cupa Tea" or "cupa Cha". So if you have a Jam Butty and a Cupa Cha for Tea. The you would be having a jam sandwich with some tea for dinner/supper. There are just as confusing food names in the US too. The most obvious is a hamburger (no ham) but I have herd some call it sandwich.

Posted by -B- | April 10, 2007 9:49 AM

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