Attention talented freaks and those who love to gawk at them: On Thursday, April 12 at the Crocodile Cafe, The Stranger will be presenting its first-ever Gong Show, hosted by yours truly.

In advance of the show date, we’re looking for any and all unique and entertaining acts hungry to strut their stuff before a panel of drunken judges for fabulous prizes. This means jugglers, magicians, yodelers, strongmen, stand-up comics, clog dancers, air bands, contortionists, jug bands, sword swallowers, vaudeville acts, and anyone else with an act that’s under four minutes long and doesn’t involve fire or minors. (The Croc is a bar.)

For more info and to sign up for the competition, go here. (Talent may also sign-up at the door the night of the show.)

And if you just want to gawk/cheer/heckle the drunken celebrity judges (including Sarah Rudinoff, Kerri Harrop, Dave Meinert, On the Boards artistic director Lane Czaplinski, and Stranger music editor Jonathan Zwickel) show up at the Crocodile on Thursday, April 12 for the fabulous and totally free freak parade kicking off at 9pm.

In the meantime, please enjoy this archival footage of an orginal Gong Show legend: the Unknown Comic. I’m hoping for an array of unknown talent at the Stranger Gong Show (all it takes is a paper bag and some chutzpah), including but not limited to the Unknown Burlesque Dancer, the Unknown Tuba Soloist, and the Unknown Mime. I also have a fantasy about perfectly replicating whatever blend of cocaine, scotch, valium, and CIA amnesia drugs give host Chuck Barris the magical charisma he displays in this clip.