Arts Today in Curses
posted by on March 22 at 15:04 PM
So it all started with me writing this column about Faye the Tattooed Psychic which got this outraged response from the sensitive soothsayer.
This is the sentence that caused the most trouble:
She is loud and exuberant and says she is an ex-biker (divorced from a Bandido), a heavy-metal fan, and a recovering boozer.
She says she never said anything about being a boozer. Says she isn’t a boozer. And I am so, so, really, genuinely sorry if I fucked that up. Because that is a big, bad way to fuck up.
But I could’ve sworn she said she was a recovering alcoholic. And how she “had to hit bottom” and how she turned her life around and learned to love herself (and, along the way, talk to the dead). Her whole schtick is the back-from-the-brink-with-a-message-of-hope persona. (Anybody else see the show? Can anyone back me up here?) It’s even in the notes I took while she was talking:
ex-biker. married a bandido. drugs, alcoholic.
I don’t know how I got that wrong, but I apparently did. And I’m sorry for that.
Lady laid a curse on my head! An actual, factual blood-line gypsy laid a fucking curse on my fucking head! From yesterday’s letter:
you my friend just opened a door to shit you may one day look back on and say “oh shit that fat tattooed psychic lady was right…my life is fucked!” Curses suck!
Today is the first day of the rest of my curse: I woke up ten minutes late for an interview. I dropped my keys—not once but twice today. And when I ordered my chow mein for lunch I asked for three stars. And it wasn’t even a little bit spicy.
Man. Curses suck.
Interview? Are you leaving?
No, don't get your hopes up. It was for a story.
Dude, your life is totally about to become an Allanis Morrisette song.
Ohhhhh, right, being a journalist and all.
Maybe your notes were indicating that her ex was an alcoholic?
I've just laid down the Catholic double whammy anti-curse on that gypsy harlot's evil eye. Gratis! That's how the Holy See rolls, my friend. Representing the 011+39+66982, Yo!
That no-spice thing is fucked UP, bra. This bitch has POWERS, I'm tellin' ya.
Maybe it was the Bandido who was a drunk.
What did your fortune cookie say?
I ate his fortune cookie.
Brendan, my grandma says that to remove a curse or evil eye you should roll a raw egg (still in its shell) back and forth across your forehead. Put it back in the fridge overnight, then break it in a bowl of water the next morning and look at it (I guess you can tell something from looking at it but I don't know what) and then throw the egg and water away. As far as curse-remedies go, it's pretty no-hassle.
Sounds like you opened the door to some shit.
Brendan,
You're going to be transformed into a pigeon.
Oh boy, keep us updated for as long as you can. I expect to have you typing it in with a stick gripped in your teeth by April.
Hey, if you want a Turkish magical charm I got at the midway for $3, it's yours! I have had no curses stick since I bought it.
Like I said before, curses suck only if you let/make them suck.
Don't watch that Stephen king movie 'Thinner' it'll creep you out even more after this situation.
@13 first, sucking is a good thing. Second, I would be careful of curses. Jimmy Marks put a curse on the city of Spokane years ago. It seems to be working quite well. Rain on every parade. Wind during all fireworks. Jim West. And our serial killers and the lack of response to them beat yours anytime. It's a curious thing that black magic. I wouldn't scoff too much.
Does her blatant homophobia bother anyone else at all? I mean, how childish is it to use homosexuality as an insult? And for a supposedly spiritual seattlite she sure sounds more like a conservative redneck.
http://blog.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=blog.view&friendID=70408115&blogID=244177589&MyToken=979010f0-7606-40a6-b6fd-0e153d31ee06
I can remove that curse for $100 and a bottle of tequila.
...and to top it all off, you're now wearing reading glasses... (sigh)
Comments Closed
In order to combat spam, we are no longer accepting comments on this post (or any post more than 14 days old).