Sex The Great Satisfaction
posted by March 2 at 14:12 PMon
I heard it again last night, and I have heard it before from my boss, Dan Savage, and also read it in a post by Andrew Sullivan: gay men have it better than straight men because getting it is easier for them than it is for us. Meaning, women need it much less than we do and so there is an imbalance. This imbalance frustrates straight men and we look at the equilibrium of gay men with envy. They get it whenever the desire arises. I will not argue my point on this ground. I want to take it to another level.
Granted, access to sex is easier for you guys, but with this ease comes a loss of sexual narrative, sexual heroism, sexual agony (in the Greek sense of that word). I believe that in the sexual society of gay men there is little or no sexual aristocracy (heroes, nobles, knights) because it is so damn democratic. For straight men, we have the mission of satisfaction. We must satisfy a woman. To not satisfy her is to fall for her pity, for her pat on the back. If you cant satisfy a woman, you are less than a man.
Let me quote Isaac Babel: “Imagine for one second that you are…a tiger, a lion, a cat. You can spend a night with a Russian woman and leave her satisfied.” A rabbi is saying this to a boy, the period is early 20th century, the city is Odessa, and Benya Kirk is the crime boss who can “leave her satisfied.” You must understand, Sullivan, that we prefer this challenge, this effort, this work toward a woman’s bliss. It is not easy, and those who fail, they go down in their own embarrassing orgasm. But because sex is so accessible for you, what does it matter if you fail or not? Who needs to be a hero when there is always more to be had elsewhere at any time? For us there is just once. If you fail, then there are months of nothing coming your way.
Making love to a woman is like standing on the beach of a warm sea, and her happiness is an island in the misty distance; we dive into the sea and swim to that island, swim against the warm sea, swim against that sinking feeling. This is the great adventure of the straight man. It is our narrative and we are proud of it.