Slog News & Arts

Line Out

Music & Nightlife

« Hooray! Another Bridal Magazin... | The Morning News »

Thursday, March 22, 2007

The Atheists Worst Nightmare?

posted by on March 22 at 19:25 PM

According to this dude, it’s the banana.

This atheist’s worst nightmare? Not the banana. It would be sitting next to this guy on a long flight.

But… hmm… what else has a point at the top, for ease of entry, and is just the right shape for the human mouth? And is sometimes curved toward the face to make a whole other process even easier?

Via Newspeak.

RSS icon Comments


I love this intelligent design/creationist bullshit. These people might as well promote belief in the Gnomes of Zurich, MJ12 and the Elders of Zion while they're at it. And what kind of fucked up god spends his/her time developing sophisticated "all natural" fruit packaging? Why not produce packages of carpi sun while he's everyone's time?

Posted by JMS | March 22, 2007 7:43 PM

If only he knew the subtle irony that the banana's current form evolved quickly from human selective forces- becoming bigger, sweeter and brighter to take better advantage of the seed-spreading apes we are. Of course, we've since selected for bananas with no seeds at all.

Its all God's plan.

Posted by thomas | March 22, 2007 7:48 PM

Jen Graves slogged about this awhile ago.

Posted by Rielle | March 22, 2007 8:00 PM

Actually I think the atheist's worst nightmare is that people are actually trying to get this rubbish taught in the supposedly secular schools of this country.

Posted by Tiffany | March 22, 2007 8:03 PM

indeed...and isn't that KIRK fucking CAMMERON or whatever from GROWING the fuck PAINS or whatever sitting next to him?

of course it is.

Posted by adrian! | March 22, 2007 8:04 PM

yeah, this is old shit, but they did do an entire 30 minutes on how homosexuals are sinners in the eyes of god.

Its the most manipulative show I have ever seen. They take what people say, who they ambush on the street unprepared, out of context and then cut there own commentaries with it to make this narrative that proves all of their points. You'd think this shit would be on Fox News, but the fact that this is a show about the warped bastardization of spirituality is even more infuriating.

Posted by Brandon H | March 22, 2007 8:13 PM

A cashew?

No, cashews are so small the curved shape isn't really relevant.

A Coke bottle? They have an hourglass curve, and they fit in your mouth, right?

I know! A turkey neck! They are just the right size and that curve, and people love to eat them. Is it a turkey neck? It it? What did I win?

Posted by elenchos | March 22, 2007 8:21 PM

You might as well point to the myriad breeds of dogs as proof of god's hatred for fire hydrants. We've been selectively breeding things for a long, long time.

Posted by gfish | March 22, 2007 8:22 PM

Here is the homosexual episode. When it starts, it sounds like the Aussie guy is saying "SIN francisco"

Part 1-

Part 2-

Part 3- is located in the "Related" box on the right hand side, Slog won't let me post more than 3 URLs, lest I be seen as spam.

Posted by Brandon H | March 22, 2007 8:23 PM
Posted by Brandon H | March 22, 2007 8:25 PM

I like how you can hear "Kurt" giggle in the background when the guy mentions that the banana doesn't "squirt all over your face." Priceless.

Posted by Jerod in Oly | March 22, 2007 8:27 PM

Actually, you're supposed to open the banana from the bottom. This way, you can avoid the bending and squashing of the banana that occurs when opening it from the top.

This is, after all, how our closest evolutionary relatives, the chimps, eat thems.

Posted by johnnie | March 22, 2007 9:03 PM

That's actually child star Kirk Cameron on the right side.

Posted by Michael | March 22, 2007 9:52 PM

This is the kind of post that separates the true bloggers from the dabblers. This was covered long ago in the blogosphere.

Posted by Whiner | March 22, 2007 9:58 PM

Another bit of irony here: REAL bananas in nature DON'T Actually look like this. (Ever been to Hawaii and seen a banana plant that's not pumped with chemicals and genetically altered?) They are much smaller, much browner, and their "wrappers" aren't nearly so plastic-like and convenient. How did commercial bananas, like the one this genius is holding, get that "perfect design?" By God's creation? No - agricultural industry's creation! It's the same reason tomoatoes are "perfectly red," have a subtle square shape that makes them fit so conveniently into a box, and fit so neatly into the human hand. Asshole.

Posted by Patrick | March 22, 2007 10:09 PM

Its cock isn't it. Always thinking about cock you gays are. Not like us evanGELicals. We think about about the wholesome godly banana. No cocks here yes siree.

Posted by Giffy | March 22, 2007 10:11 PM

Also note the miracle of the navel orange. It contains no seeds for man to choke on. It signifies it's seedlessness by a navel for the convenience of shoppers, and as attested by Sunkist, it is almost flawless round, orange and uniformly sized.
The banana is a cultivated crop. Note that the bananas you eat are seedless. They are clones of a small number of cultivars, just as most fruits are. Fruits grown from seeds aren't close enough to the parent to be usefull commerically. So nature had little to do with this.
It is astonishing however that something cultivated so carefully by man for his eating pleasure is also so well adapted to vaginal masturbation. That truly is miraculous.
(Sunkist by the way is a trademarked grade, not a brand, that signifies a particular size, color range and roundness for oranges.)

Posted by kinaidos | March 22, 2007 10:54 PM

You have got me on this one, Dan. I can't think of anything shaped like a banana and is just the right shape for the human mouth and is sometimes curved toward the face to make the whole process even easier. Uhhh, wow, this is beyond me! Great fucking question!

Posted by lawrence clark | March 22, 2007 11:14 PM

I saw this the first time at least 6 months ago or so. In fact, I think you guys had it here before.

Still, could this clown be any more retarded? The common grocery-store banana he's peeling looks nothing at all like the original wild natural banana before man started fucking with it. What a douche bag.

Posted by SDA in SEA | March 22, 2007 11:32 PM

Please excuse me @19, but what exactly does a wild natural banana look like? Is it edible? Is it shaped to fit a human mouth perfectly? Would I want one in my mouth, and if I did, where could I find one?

Posted by lawrence clark | March 23, 2007 12:41 AM

Ever been to Hawaii and seen a banana plant that's not pumped with chemicals and genetically altered?

There are over three hundred varieties of banana, and none of them are native to Hawaii. None of them have been genetically altered, either -- no, not even that nice big Chiquita you're holding -- unless you consider selective breeding to be "genetically altered"... in which case you also have to include lots of other things like corn, and dogs, and us people too. Many of the other commercial varieties of banana are smaller and darker, but that doesn't make them any more (or less) natural than the Cavendish, the variety commonly sold in the US. They've all been subjected to selective breeding too.

Posted by Joe | March 23, 2007 3:42 AM


now what do *I* win?

Posted by Mike in MO | March 23, 2007 5:55 AM

I fear for my future

Posted by monkey | March 23, 2007 6:58 AM

South Carolina passed an ammendment to the state constitution banning gay marriage.

Kirk will be so pleased.

Posted by monkey | March 23, 2007 7:37 AM

@23: Monkey, as a monkey and what this guy wants to do with bananas, so would I.

Posted by Dave Coffman | March 23, 2007 7:37 AM

And BTW, I sooooo had the hots for Kirk Cameron when I was a teenager. My disappointment has been huge.

Posted by Dave Coffman | March 23, 2007 7:40 AM

Dave @ 26-
From what I have seen of Kirk Cameron and if past evangelical actions determine future results, there is no need for you to be disappointed. You need only be patient.

Posted by Katie | March 23, 2007 8:02 AM

Yeah, I've watched this before. You should see the episode where Kirk Cameron preaches that you shouldn't single out gays for abuse, because all people are sinners, and gay sex isn't worse than unmarried sex.

Posted by Kat | March 23, 2007 8:33 AM

Between being obsessed with GodTube (and having my home IP address banned from the site for comments I made discrediting an anti-Muslim video) and watching Jesus Camp last night, my quality of sleep has been deteriorating and every time I close my eyes I see images of crazy fucking Christians... and I think I'm going crazy.

I'm scared... I'm so scared.

That said, the logic in the banana video is flawless.

Posted by Carollani | March 23, 2007 9:02 AM

So God fucked up all the rest of the fruit? or were they practice?

One hit wonder.

Posted by DJSauvage | March 23, 2007 9:10 AM

OMG do these people have nothing else better to do then talk about the shape and texture of a Banana?

Posted by Leo | March 23, 2007 9:30 AM

Clearly, the gentleman has never eaten a mango.

Posted by Lithium | March 23, 2007 10:23 AM

If God is so great, why hasn't He come up with a seedless pomegranate?

Posted by keshmeshi | March 23, 2007 10:28 AM

I am allergic to bananas, what does that mean?

Posted by AdifferentDan | March 23, 2007 10:41 AM

Selective breeding IS genetic modification. Humans have been doing it for tens of thousands of years, indeed all plant-eating animals have been, for MILLIONS of years, though there's a school of thought that says humans aren't using plants to selectively breed for the traits they want, but rather the plants are selectively producing the traits that are attractive to humans. We're been "used" every bit as much as the plants are.

Cavendish bananas were not just discovered one day growing in da jungle; they were bred to look like that. Likewise, the wild corn plant has, or had, ears that were a fraction of an inch long and resembled wheat more than they did today's gigantic cattle fodder. That breeding work was done by American Indians long before any white person ever saw a tortilla.

None of this has fuck-all to do with "God's perfect design", since God didn't design it; people did, or the plants did, take your pick.

Kirk Cameron, on the other hand, WAS designed entirely by God, which tells you all you need to know about His amazing skills, or lack thereof. Sheesh.

Posted by Fnarf | March 23, 2007 10:49 AM

Lemme guess. They aren't acutally targeting athiests with this. If they are, then they need to come up with an argument that's not completely made of fail.

Posted by Shea | March 23, 2007 11:19 AM


That has to be the most pathetic attempt at an intelligent design argument I've yet seen.

Posted by Ferinoch | March 23, 2007 1:20 PM

Carollani at #29 said "crazy fucking Christians".

Sshhhhh! You're going to make me miss Studio 60 on the Sunset Strip!


PS--"And sometimes a banana ISN'T just a banana"--S. Freud.

Posted by pgreyy | March 23, 2007 4:01 PM

Evolutionary theory has many flaws and can probably never be proven in the standard scientific sense of the term, but it seems to provide a reasonable framework for understanding various biological processes.

You might be interested to know that the vast majority of Christians, Jews, Muslims, and Hindus accept evolutionary theory. None of the major religions has expressed disapproval of the theory, though disapproval has been expressed by some small groups and (often very vocal) individuals. Scientific discovery is embraced by the major religions and such discovery is generally the result of the long-term historical support by the major religions and adherents of these religions for scientific inquiry (despite what you may have heard, a reading of the historical records overwhelmingly and directly supports this). What the major religions have consistently opposed is the position that there is no God. Classical and modern evolutionary theory (even the versions which have been generally discarded) do not conflict with the presence of God.

Undertake scientific research into the actual stated positions of the major religions as well as the adherents of these religions and you'll discover this for yourself. It seems that nonbelievers are often very surprised (and sometimes shocked) at how compatible evolutionary theory is with the tenants and historical documents of the major faiths. The believers generally aren't.

Francis Crick (credited with codiscovering the DNA helix), after reviewing the body of information regarding DNA, stated "An honest man, armed with all the knowledge available to us now, could only state that in some sense, the origin of life appears at the moment to be almost a miracle, so many are the conditions which would have had to have been satisfied to get it going."

Gene Myers of the (now famous) Human Genome Project stated the following: "What really astounds me is the architecture of life The system is extremely complex. It's like it was designed There's a huge intelligence there."

Regarding the basic "code of life" (DNA), Werner Gitt of the German Federal Institute of Physics and Technology, has stated the following: "A code system is always the result of a mental process It should be emphasized that matter as such is unable to generate any code. All experiences indicate that a thinking being voluntarily exercising his own free will, cognition, and creativity, is required There is no known natural law through which matter can give rise to information, neither is any physical process or material phenomenon known that can do this."

Anthony Flew is known as a leading philosopher and defender of atheism. He has been a professor over the last 5 decades at major UK universities (including Oxford and Aberdeen). Regarding his espousal of atheism, he has now publicly announced, "As people have certainly been influenced by me, I want to try and correct the enormous damage I may have done." Anthony now holds that God exists and proof of this is found in DNA.

Posted by 506kelvin | March 25, 2007 3:19 PM

Comments Closed

In order to combat spam, we are no longer accepting comments on this post (or any post more than 14 days old).