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Friday, March 30, 2007

Sweet Jesus

posted by on March 30 at 10:45 AM

An New York City artist plans to display a life-sized, anatomically-correct, bare-ass-nekkid Jesus H. Christ on a Crossmade entirely of chocolate. People that make their living being outraged are, surprisingly enough, totally outraged.

“It’s an all-out war on Christianity,” fumed Bill Donohue, president of the Catholic League for Religious and Civil Rights.

Really? Chocolate is all it takes to declare all-out war? So, like, for decades now Easter has been an all-out war on bunnies?

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Best part: the sculpture is named "My Sweet Lord".

It is wrong that I want to start a candybar line that includes, in addition to "My Sweet Lord", a "Sweet Baby Jesus" made of milk chocolate stuffed with nougat? And then maybe "Holey Mother of God" that is a crispty, crunchity Choco-dipped Virgin Mary?

Am I a bad man?

Posted by el ganador | March 30, 2007 10:55 AM

Wait. That's genius. Someone call Corianton and get him to design the packaging, quick.

What other candy bars would be in the Catholic-fatwa inducing line?

Posted by el ganador | March 30, 2007 10:57 AM

I read this story and wondered: Is it the chocolate that bothers them, or the nekkidness? Or perhaps they are afraid that people are going to be licking Jesus in innapropriate places?

Posted by Cori | March 30, 2007 11:02 AM

Oops. "Inappropriate".

Posted by Cori | March 30, 2007 11:04 AM

Jesus doesn't look properly tempered.

Posted by A in NC | March 30, 2007 11:05 AM

Perhaps a frankincense-infused truffle called the "Holy Ghost"?

How is this weirder or worse than eating wine and crackers while pretending it's the blood and body of your prophet/savior?

Also, they're a little hard to find these days but there are churches that used to hang life-sized, anatomically-correct, bare-ass-nekkid Jesus H. Christ on a Cross -- they just weren't made of chocolate. So is it the chocolate that makes this "war"? Or the location outside of a church? Or what?

Posted by Joe | March 30, 2007 11:05 AM

Perhaps his testicles are actual, you know, walnuts. Or almonds. I'd prefer almonds...maybe in caramel goop.

Posted by el ganador | March 30, 2007 11:05 AM

I really hope Tom Waits performs "Chocolate Jesus" at the unveiling.

Posted by Levislade | March 30, 2007 11:06 AM

What exactly are they reading into this? You'd think that most interpretations of this sculpture would see it as a comment on the commercialization of Easter, and mainstream culture's focus on the chocolate-and-eggs (Pagan?) aspect of Easter rather than the Jesus-worshipping aspect. So what exactly are they reading into this? Is it because the Jesus isn't white?

Posted by nick | March 30, 2007 11:09 AM

I've only found images of the chocolatey ass of this Jesus sculpture. Is it possible that from the front he's standing at attention in his best "Mr. Goodbar" imitation?

Posted by el ganador | March 30, 2007 11:11 AM

Hahaha - this is hysterical! Christians are probably upset with the eating jesus part - but ya know, this would make receiving holy communion both tastier and a little more realistic.... I mean if I'm going to eat the body of Christ, shouldn't it look like Christ? And if jesus is supposed to be God, couldn't he make himself taste like chocolate?? Chocolate has always seeemed heavenly to me... Oh and wouldn't this also help bring more people to church?? I mean really, the hell with abortion rights, gay rights, and birth control - we're talking FREE chocolate here!!!

Posted by Cate | March 30, 2007 11:21 AM

PLEEEEEASE wrap it in pink celophane and place it a lard woven basket with plastic fake filler grass.

Posted by monkey | March 30, 2007 11:22 AM

I can't wait to stick my tongue into His chocolately stigmata. As Homer Simpson would say, sacrilicious!

Posted by giantladysquirrels | March 30, 2007 11:36 AM

the artist wants to point up the reality that it is possible to overindulge in jesus.

Posted by ellarosa | March 30, 2007 11:47 AM

What do they have against chocolate.

Here, Crazy Christians, some math for you:

If Jesus = good, and chocolate = good, Chocolate + Jesus = ?

Unless you're lactose intolerant, I think some calming down is in order.

Posted by Rebecca | March 30, 2007 11:54 AM

Actually, after seeing the photos of the ChocoSavior, I was a left a little disturbed- He looks more like a splayed burn victim than Christ.

Posted by Colin | March 30, 2007 12:04 PM


(And if a flat, bland, stale wafer can stand in for "the body of Christ", why NOT delicious milk chocolate? I mean, do we know for certain there wasn't any desert served at the Last Supper?)

Posted by COMTE | March 30, 2007 12:07 PM

Mr. Donohue is offended so free expression goes out the window. The First Ammendment trumps the ten commandments in this country. Free speech includes the right to say anything about religion that we choose to say. Those who don't like the chocolate Jesus should just not go and see it. State your objections by all means, but leave the rest of us alone.

Posted by Pleasure Seeker | March 30, 2007 12:13 PM

You gays are trying to destroy christianity, aren't you?

Posted by Mike in MO | March 30, 2007 12:18 PM

Bill Donohue's dismay aside, I think we've seen this sort of thing before (Andre Serrano's Piss Christ, and the Virgin Mary covered in elephant dung). In addition, I don't expect more than verbal protests.

If the artists really wanted to show how brave and avant garde they are, they would consider making a chocolate Mohammed.

Posted by chunkstyle | March 30, 2007 12:30 PM

Wait for his next creation : "A Life Sized White Chocolate Prophet Mohammad. Yum yum!!!

Posted by Andrew | March 30, 2007 12:35 PM

Take, eat, this is my body which is given to you.


So who are these heathens who object to it? And why hasn't God burnt them into cinders yet?

Posted by Will in Seattle | March 30, 2007 12:54 PM

@17 - I prefer dark chocolate, with mint flavor for the beard, personally.

Posted by Will in Seattle | March 30, 2007 12:56 PM

The show has been canceled due to death threats.

Posted by elswinger | March 30, 2007 12:59 PM

I think you have to bite the head first. In keeping with tradition and all.

Posted by ky | March 30, 2007 1:00 PM

Gawker has an absolutely hysterical thread going about this. My favorites are Twixmata and Sermon on the Mounds.

"War on Christianity"? Bring it on!

Posted by Karla Marx | March 30, 2007 1:00 PM

Gawker has an absolutely hysterical thread going about this. My favorites are Twixmata and Sermon on the Mounds.

"War on Christianity"? Bring it on!

Posted by Karla Marx | March 30, 2007 1:01 PM

The crucifix lollipops look really good, actually.

Posted by matthew fisher wilder | March 30, 2007 1:05 PM

Ah, Jesus Of The Week, I love thee

Posted by matthew fisher wilder | March 30, 2007 1:08 PM


There's only 696,000 search results or so. Have fun!

Posted by matthew fisher wilder | March 30, 2007 1:10 PM

Hey, I did this a few years ago right here in Seattle - with no media fanfare. I made a life-size, naked, anatomically correct Jesus egg salad sandwich on a crucifix, dressed myself like Christ, and served the sandwich to the homeless at Victor Steinbrueck park on Easter Sunday. The only outrage I received was from another artist - not even a Christian - who harshly denounced me as an iconoclast. But the three dozen bums I fed were quite happy with it.

Posted by Ivan Cockrum | March 30, 2007 1:26 PM

-- i love yummy christ sculptures and making christians mad... rad.

Posted by Aaro)))n Edge | March 30, 2007 1:44 PM

Wait, hold on a sec:

"It's an all-out war on Christianity," fumed Bill Donohue, president of the Catholic League for Religious and Civil Rights. "They wouldn't show a depiction of Martin Luther King Jr. with genitals exposed on Martin Luther King Day,...

Yep, it appears to be the nekkidness that offends Donohue the most.

Posted by keshmeshi | March 30, 2007 1:53 PM

@24 - they killed Christ too. I'd be willing to die for seeing that show, provided I could get a take-home limb or two ...

Posted by Will in Seattle | March 30, 2007 2:17 PM

That whack job is only upset because they aren't using WHITE chocolate.
Praise the Lord, Jesus Christ of Latterday Saints, Good God

wish these idiots would pick a better cause.

Posted by Matthew | March 30, 2007 2:30 PM

No, no, no. It isn't milk chocolate. It's delicious, scrumptious, dare I say heavenly dark chocolate. Mmm... 200 pounds of dark chocolate. The very thought of it has my tongue twitching.

Oh, Chocolate Christ, I shall gladly bathe thy *delicious* feet... with my tongue.

But Colin @16 is right. If they didn't say anything, you'd never know it was supposed to be Christ. No hair, no beard, no genitals, the cross is below it on the ground in chalk. The body is sort of emaciated looking and lumpy. It looks like a burned corpse.

A delicious dark chocolate burned corpse.

Posted by SDA in SEA | March 30, 2007 2:55 PM


Posted by Will in Seattle | March 30, 2007 5:10 PM


Did you know chocolate's Latin name is Theobroma, meaning "food of the gods"? Pretty appropriate, I think.

Posted by Chocodile | March 30, 2007 6:45 PM

Sorry, I meant Greek and not Latin. That was bugging me.

Posted by Chocodile | March 30, 2007 6:51 PM

Bill Donohue has as much credibility on Catholicism as Jack Thompson on legal matters.

Posted by Aexia | March 31, 2007 9:51 AM

I'm with Levislade @8
Tom Waits singing Chocolate Jesus.

Posted by treacle | April 1, 2007 5:08 PM

#29, that Jesus of the Week site is hi-lar-i-ous. That weird pop-up baby Jesus kicking the donkey ... I'm hypnotized.

Posted by etchasketch | April 1, 2007 8:01 PM

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