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Friday, March 9, 2007

Required Reading

posted by on March 9 at 10:40 AM

Paul Constant on The Secret in this week’s Stranger.

They call this the Law of Attraction, under the pretense that the universe wants to shower you with abundance and beauty. Again, Byrne: “The only reason any person does not have enough money is because they are blocking money from coming to them with their thoughts.” The Secret protects you from cancer and other diseases: “You are also inviting illness if you are listening to people talking about their illness… If you really want to help that person, change the conversation to good things, if you can, or be on your way.” It will even help out that pesky Peak Oil problem: “Belize has become an oil-producing country because an extraordinary team of people believed in the unlimited power of the mind.”

A reasonable person might ask: What about starving children in Somalia and elsewhere? What about genocide? What about people who hate America precisely because of its ridiculous abundance and smugly stupid material-spiritualism? The Secret has the answer for that, too: “When I discovered The Secret I made a decision that I would not watch the news or read newspapers anymore, because it did not make me feel good.”

I repeat: This is an Oprah-endorsed bestseller.

And do you know to whom The Secret is dedicated? That’s right: You. And can there be any wonder why? “The Earth turns on its orbit for You… Every beautiful thing you see, every wondrous thing you experience is all there, for You… You are the master of the Universe… You are the perfection of Life… the time to embrace your magnificence is now.”

And also: You are a lemming, and if You follow the directions in this book, You will be an Asshole of the Highest Order.

RSS icon Comments

1

Dear Paul Constant, Everyone I know is reading this damned book like it's some holy text. Thank you for making me feel less alone.

Posted by Kate | March 9, 2007 10:48 AM
2

I'm good enough.
I'm smart enough.
And gosh darnit, people like me.

Posted by monkey | March 9, 2007 10:55 AM
3

Man, it is so gross when people try to spread the gospel of metanoia, especially when they have clearly misunderstood what it is, how it works, and why it is not something to be apprehended or used as a tool for attaining material goods.

Posted by Nick | March 9, 2007 10:55 AM
4

Thank you! This book set off my bullshit detector at 50 yards, but I didn't want to go to the trouble of actually reading it be able to explain to people why it was such bullshit. Now I'll just point to Paul Constant's review and say "SEE?!"

Posted by Cate | March 9, 2007 10:57 AM
5

It is not that the book is bad; it's just that Paul Constant's thoughts are blocking it from being good.

Posted by Nick | March 9, 2007 11:00 AM
6

now I want to read it - the newest version of the power of positive thinking

what is the big deal - folks disagree that positive attitude can yield for some folks?


or is there really a mold for all? the stranger mold? molds suck

Posted by Freddy | March 9, 2007 11:02 AM
7

Salon.com had a good feature on 'the secret', too. At least 'the secret' doesn't involve being 'audited' and telling a 'church' your problems you can be blackmailed with if you ever decide to leave.

Posted by Some Jerk | March 9, 2007 11:06 AM
8

The secret to happiness is to write a selfhelp book that everyone will just gobble up and you can make a load of money.

Posted by mr. designer | March 9, 2007 11:31 AM
9

When I heard about this book my first thought was: Oh, f@#k that right in the eye.

I guess my permanent sarcastic pessimism is blocking this book from sucking $29.95 off my debit card.

Posted by Leeerker | March 9, 2007 11:31 AM
10

Hey, I'm all down with the power of positive thinking and all that S. But if had leukemea and some JO told me I had to think happy thoughts, I would use the last of my remaining strength to kick the living S outta him.

Posted by Mike in MO | March 9, 2007 11:53 AM
11

Y'all need to spend more time in the Business and/or Self Help and/or Christian sections of the bookstore. This "Jeebus wants-a you-ta be RICH" stuff is par for the course. Ever heard of Zig Ziglar? Also, the New Age angle is old news as well. Remember when everybody was reading "A Course In Miracles" 25 years ago? Wishful thinking never goes out of style.

Personally, I think this kind of thing is related to times of crisis and loss of faith in our legitimate institutions -- like having a retarded asswipe and his gang of criminals and war-profiteers in the White House. What? War ISN'T always the answer?

Posted by Fnarf | March 9, 2007 11:55 AM
12

Also, good point #7. $29.95 is cheap compared to other forms of bull S.

Posted by Mike in MO | March 9, 2007 11:55 AM
13

Maybe thinking positively and, you know, ignoring reality, will turn that stack of bills on my kitchen table into a few million dollars in cash.

Posted by pickleberry | March 9, 2007 12:01 PM
14

Ever heard of Zig Ziglar?

Any relation to Dirk Diggler?

Posted by keshmeshi | March 9, 2007 12:03 PM
15

Remember, the best way to attract money is to steal the book from someone else.

Posted by Will in Seattle | March 9, 2007 12:38 PM
16

Yes, the power of positive thinking angle is old, old news. But I like the "power of denial" angle too -- maybe the reason all these bad things are happening in my world is because I pay attention to them. So if I don't read the papers, nothing bad can happen!

I'll bet our president would love this book. He should have one of his staff read it, write up a summary and read it aloud to him.

Posted by flamingbanjo | March 9, 2007 12:40 PM
17

This was a much better idea when Scott Adams wrote about it six years ago and called it "Affirmation Theory." It actually made sense, in a "focusing on positive goals makes you work towards them more" kind of way. The Secret (there's a hideously retarded video available somewhere about it, too, with plenty of "historical" scenes and high production value) is a fucking cop-out. IF YOU THINK GOOD THOUGHTS YOU WILL GET WHAT YOU WANT.

Bullshit.

If you THINK about what you want, it makes you more likely to PURSUE it, or more intent on pursuing it, or whatever. That's the only thing that does anything. Thinking a thing doesn't make it true.

Posted by Jeff | March 9, 2007 12:42 PM
18

Cynicism does nothing for anyone. What do you all really have to be so negative about? It's pretty much guaranteed that all of you and anyone reading this blog -- and certainly Dan Savage -- are in the richest 10% of the world's population. You live in one of the most beautiful cities on Earth, none of you are starving, being sent off to fight in Iraq or being tortured for information. The liberal Seattle 'intelligencia's' tormented-existence crap is so tired. If this 'The Secret' made even just a few people happier or more hopeful, it's done its job. How about contributing a little optimism once in awhile instead of verbally destroying everything that isn't some angry liberal indie art rag? None of you have any real reason to be so miserable.

Posted by JudithBjini | March 9, 2007 12:50 PM
19

Yes, let's all praise The Secret for providing stupid people with placebos for their lives.

The point is that this book isn't going to get them what they want, or make them happier - it's going to make the author rich, a lot of gullible people even more deluded, and it's going to fuel a bunch of stupid goddamn new age crystal-hippies into getting punched in the motherfucking mouth. Probably by me.

Posted by Jeff | March 9, 2007 12:52 PM
20

Judith: I'm all for positivity. People should do all they can to make the world a better place. But this sort of thing basically tells that same privileged 10% to which you refer (i.e. middle class Americans) that privilege is a sign of God's love or cosmic forces working on their behalf or whatever, and never a result of avarice or just pure dumb luck (if I'm born to wealthy parents is that because as a fetus I was thinking happy thoughts?) It's also telling them that it's actually a good thing to insulate oneself from any aspect of reality that is unpleasant, thereby conveniently giving people a green light to ignore the suffering of others, even in such cases where that suffering is directly related to the me-first consumerist lifestyle books like this venerate as the only proper Way of Being. If I have an affluent lifestyle because of all my positive thinking, what about the poor chumps working for slave wages who make that lifestyle possible? Are they just victims of their own negative thoughts?

Hence the "Asshole of the Highest Order" comment. This encourages people to be utterly self-involved jackasses.

Posted by flamingbanjo | March 9, 2007 1:23 PM
21

thanks jeff - #19, above

your contributions to the collective good are awesome

while you are punching them "in the mothefucking mouth'
", please yell loudly, see mom I am the man you wanted me to be

fuck head

your energy is horrid and has caused most of the misery of the modern era - ie, wars, and constant violence

by the way, one of them might believe in self defense and slash your belly wide open - beware

Posted by eric | March 9, 2007 1:26 PM
22

The fundamental purpose of the universe is getting better parking spots for assholes at the mall. Right? Am I right?

Posted by Fnarf | March 9, 2007 1:26 PM
23

Customer: "Can you direct me to the Self-Help Section?"

Clerk: "No, sir. That would defeat the purpose."

Posted by Original Andrew | March 9, 2007 1:51 PM
24

Jeff-- Not only is there a retarded DVD to accompany this book, my grandmother bought everyone in the family a copy of it for Christmas. From what I understand, it's sitting on everyone's shelves still in the wrapper. At least every other year, she gets in on the next "get rich quick" idea. Never a scheme so much as some sort of seminar you're supposed to listen to as you sleep/drive/bathe/masturbate that will magically deliver you into the lap of new money. So when she handed them out to all of us, we all kind of knew what it was going to be about. Didn't realize she was so ahead of the curve.

Posted by Jessica | March 9, 2007 2:22 PM
25

I am glad to see that sarcasm is alive and well in these comments - thank you, Eric, for taking me at face value. So few do these days.

Posted by Jeff | March 9, 2007 3:00 PM
26

Skepticism != cynicism, Judith.

Questioning this kind of bullshit doesn't mean you're a negative person or a cynic. It means you're a--waddayacallit--smart person.

Oh, and most of us are probably in the richest 5% of the world's population, many the top 1 or 2%. If you make $5000/year, you're in the richest 15%. $25K gets you into the top 10. 50% of the world's population makes less than $850/year, but I guess those people just aren't thinking positive.

Posted by Tone | March 9, 2007 4:12 PM
27

I made my millions with my Microsoft Stock options. That proves I have smarts, pluck, and determination. It has nothing to do with luck and privilege. It's my personal worth and intelligence. I deserved it because of who I am.

But if a poor person watching Oprah claims to be good enough, smart enough - that's just stupid positive thinking nonsense.


It's fine if rich people brag about their snow boarding vacations and I-pods because they have those things because they worked hard and deserve them!


Positive thinking is good for the privileged because they really are good enough, smart enough. But when the poor start talking like that they are idiots.

Posted by Microserf | March 9, 2007 5:05 PM
28

I loved the full review in print. I think this is the first time I ever laughed out loud at a book review. Great stuff. I hate self-help books anyway, so this was very satisfying reading. Taking shots at Oprah made it even better. Thanks!

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29

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