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Monday, March 19, 2007

Overheard in My Inbox

posted by on March 19 at 14:22 PM

scaled.b_leopard_9.jpg

From invaluable Stranger writer Cienna Madrid comes this earwitness report from an unnamed downtown Seattle cafe:

There’s a woman at a table next to me, and from what I’ve overheard, she’s on her first date in five years, and she’s explaining to her date why she’s in the process of a divorce: “He’s a giraffe, and I’m a leopard, and I’m never gonna be a giraffe. I’ve tried and tried, but my destiny is as a leopard, you see? I can fake being a giraffe for awhile, but eventually I’m gonna have to rip his throat out and feed on his entrails. It’s in my nature. The only alternative is divorce.” How can I get work done when the conversation beside me is so stimulating??

RSS icon Comments

1

Eva Longoria is in town?

Posted by monkey | March 19, 2007 2:23 PM
2

Has this woman's date fled in terror yet?

BTW, It's good to know Cienna is still around. We almost never hear from her.

Posted by elswinger | March 19, 2007 2:25 PM
3

I have had dates with guys like that before. They never turned into second dates. As a matter of fact, I did not even want to have quick meaningless sex with them either.

Posted by Andrew | March 19, 2007 2:28 PM
4

Anyone here ever been to port townsend? This sounds like every other woman there.

Ouch. The horror!

Posted by catnextdoor | March 19, 2007 3:13 PM
5

this sounds more like something from a fay wheldon novel than a real-life utterance...i think i'll try to forward it to fay and maybe she could use it.

Posted by ellarosa | March 19, 2007 3:17 PM
6

I don't know who the hell Fay Wheldon is, but if she's ever said anything along the lines of: "If you're into cats, you'd really like my therapist--he's like a jaguar, all dark and fierce. Maybe next time [ON OUR SECOND DATE] I can introduce you."

Then I have two new heroes.

Posted by cienna | March 19, 2007 3:28 PM
7

@3: the WOMAN was saying that shit.

guys don't say shit like that.

that jaguar needs a new therapist. he sounds like the Uptight Seattleite. my shrink doesn't sound like that.

WTF is a 'giraffe', metaphorically? giraffes regularly kick the asses of puny jaguars.

Posted by Max Solomon | March 19, 2007 3:43 PM
8

this is why you had to stop IMing me?

Posted by ben | March 19, 2007 3:45 PM
9

it's "weldon" oops--typo. she wrote "confessions of a she devil," made into a movie with meryl streep and roseanne barr, shortened to "she devil." fyi.

Posted by ellarosa | March 19, 2007 4:00 PM
10

I am so jealous of that woman. I LIVE for overhearing conversations like that.

Posted by Carollani | March 19, 2007 4:09 PM
11

Oh, wow, Rhonda Byrne is in town -- the gal who wrote The Secret...cool.

Posted by David K. | March 19, 2007 4:13 PM
12

Oooh. Animal analogies.

I lose their numbers quick.

Posted by Will in Seattle | March 19, 2007 5:19 PM
13

Jaguars and giraffes are native to different continents. Shouldn't she be calling herself a lion, or a cheetah, or some other African big cat?

Posted by Matt from Denver | March 19, 2007 7:20 PM
14

Oh shit, she called herself a leopard, not a jaguar. Please consider my last comment withdrawn.

Posted by Matt from Denver | March 19, 2007 7:21 PM
15

"rip his throat out and feed on his entrails" -- That's what I want to hear on a date!
Nicely vivid scenario though..

Posted by treacle | March 19, 2007 7:24 PM
16

@#7

Uh, have you met any of the gay guys in Seattle??? I just wish some were as creative as the psyco lady. But yeah, plenty of gay guys say crap like that.

Posted by Andrew | March 20, 2007 7:41 AM
17

She must have been Otherkin.

Posted by spencer | March 20, 2007 9:15 AM

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