City Overheard in My Inbox
posted by March 19 at 14:22 PM
onFrom invaluable Stranger writer Cienna Madrid comes this earwitness report from an unnamed downtown Seattle cafe:
There’s a woman at a table next to me, and from what I’ve overheard, she’s on her first date in five years, and she’s explaining to her date why she’s in the process of a divorce: “He’s a giraffe, and I’m a leopard, and I’m never gonna be a giraffe. I’ve tried and tried, but my destiny is as a leopard, you see? I can fake being a giraffe for awhile, but eventually I’m gonna have to rip his throat out and feed on his entrails. It’s in my nature. The only alternative is divorce.” How can I get work done when the conversation beside me is so stimulating??
Comments
Eva Longoria is in town?
Has this woman's date fled in terror yet?
BTW, It's good to know Cienna is still around. We almost never hear from her.
I have had dates with guys like that before. They never turned into second dates. As a matter of fact, I did not even want to have quick meaningless sex with them either.
Anyone here ever been to port townsend? This sounds like every other woman there.
Ouch. The horror!
this sounds more like something from a fay wheldon novel than a real-life utterance...i think i'll try to forward it to fay and maybe she could use it.
I don't know who the hell Fay Wheldon is, but if she's ever said anything along the lines of: "If you're into cats, you'd really like my therapist--he's like a jaguar, all dark and fierce. Maybe next time [ON OUR SECOND DATE] I can introduce you."
Then I have two new heroes.
@3: the WOMAN was saying that shit.
guys don't say shit like that.
that jaguar needs a new therapist. he sounds like the Uptight Seattleite. my shrink doesn't sound like that.
WTF is a 'giraffe', metaphorically? giraffes regularly kick the asses of puny jaguars.
this is why you had to stop IMing me?
it's "weldon" oops--typo. she wrote "confessions of a she devil," made into a movie with meryl streep and roseanne barr, shortened to "she devil." fyi.
I am so jealous of that woman. I LIVE for overhearing conversations like that.
Oh, wow, Rhonda Byrne is in town -- the gal who wrote The Secret...cool.
Oooh. Animal analogies.
I lose their numbers quick.
Jaguars and giraffes are native to different continents. Shouldn't she be calling herself a lion, or a cheetah, or some other African big cat?
Oh shit, she called herself a leopard, not a jaguar. Please consider my last comment withdrawn.
"rip his throat out and feed on his entrails" -- That's what I want to hear on a date!
Nicely vivid scenario though..
@#7
Uh, have you met any of the gay guys in Seattle??? I just wish some were as creative as the psyco lady. But yeah, plenty of gay guys say crap like that.
She must have been Otherkin.
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