Homo Hey, Does This Striped Couch Make Me Gay?
posted by on March 15 at 12:04 PM
Welcome to my apartment. Have a seat on my—ohwaitdon’tsitonthat! Unless you’re… you know. That’s the thing that lets people know I’m… you know. Pretty much nothing on the Garrison Keillor Index of Gayness applies to me—no small dog, no polka dots, not flamboyant—except this couch. That Mary McCarthy collection of essays you can see in the bookcase? That map of the world? That typewriter? None of those are exactly rainbow windsocks.
But this couch is so striped it’s immoral. Even more immoral, I had a dream about this couch before I saw it—and who ever dreams about couches except… you know? In the dream it was an old-timey sort of couch with orange and gold stripes. Woke up and thought, Weird, because it was the kinda thing I would never buy. Then a day or two later I walked into Dixon’s Used Furniture—this was back when Dixon’s Used Furniture was still in business—and in the back room, crammed with mattresses and broken chairs and great stacks of cushions, there was this old-timey sort of couch with orange and gold stripes. Weird! It was cheap and it had problems. (You know, like gay people.) It was all torn up, and still is, but oh man it’s comfortable.
Yesterday, Annie Wagner and Jen Graves sat next to each other on this couch for an hour. By the time they left my apartment I’m pretty sure they’d secretly decided to leave their boyfriends, braid each other’s hair, and live like Gertrude and Alice. You have to be careful about these couches with stripes.
Just looking at your couch made me gay. Call me.
I think this should be a regular feature. Couches of Stranger staffers. Mr. Mudede, show us your couch!
Our apartments look exactly the same. Except mine ain't gay.
Your apartment might not be gay, Ari, but I bet your closet is in the closet.
Books make you gay, Christopher. And typewriters make you, geez, I don't know, crazy? Do you use it to type grammatically incomprehensible religious screeds that you then surreptitiously slip into library books? You should.
Yes, and watching 300 made you gay too. Less competition for us straight guys! Woo Hoo!
But what we all want to know is what have you DONE on the couch Christopher? What stories could the couch tell us? That is what makes it a gay couch....
If possible, I think I might now be gayer than I was before seeing that couch. Yep. Pretty sure.
That is an exceptionally hideous couch.
No, no, no. The couch doesn't make you gay. Having homoerotic encounters on the couch makes you gay. Silly.
I have a chair (with matching pillow) that looks to be striped in that same pattern. Maybe it will make me bi.
the glare from the US Bank sign reflecting off the sheen of your couch, makes it VERY gay...
I think I spy that bathroom door that we tried to kick down one night, long ago.
Kicking down a door is hard.
homoerotic encounters ???
is that related to hard core butt fuckintg, which is what Eli likes
Or sliming all over the couch from the many shooter blow jobs which crate tons of jism....
Homoerotic encounters....honey...go get some dick.
Hi, sorry for this ad again, but you have to see it
Premature ejaculation
Good site
Comments Closed
In order to combat spam, we are no longer accepting comments on this post (or any post more than 14 days old).