Life God Bless this Mess
posted by March 23 at 13:26 PMon
Did you know that Evangelical Christians are not funny? No, I’m serious. You should watch this video and not laugh. It is not funny in the least.
Here we have the commencement ceremony at a public university in Texas. This young woman, the valedictorian, was allowed to give the (religious) benediction. Ah, but not your standard peace-be-with-you prayer. No, this benediction comes in two acts. Act two is what happens when Christians stop being polite and start getting epileptic. If you’ve never seen what Texas is like, what Evangelicals mean by “witnessing,” or what a for-real Pentecostal freakout entails, then please partake:
You see, when I first watched this video, I had that familiar adrenaline-induced queasiness. I was an Evangelical Xtian once. I did my fair share of witnessing. I recognized the breathlessness and the ballsiness of such a public stunt. Of course that feeling turned into one of sheer awe and disgrace as I realized toward the end (when the school’s president calls for an ambulance) that I recognized that dusty old curtain in back. And that seal on the podium, that looked familiar. Oh, shit; that is Dr. Rodriguez.
This was the university I graduated from. This was my hometown. AND [HORREUR!] I KNEW THAT BITCH. Mary Goddamn King and her fake-tongues-speakin’ ass.
Don’t worry about me, though, y’all. I got saved. I now regularly engage in the eucharist (of my boyfriend’s dick), and it is now I who am regularly blessed with the gift of tongues (guess where!).