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Friday, March 23, 2007

God Bless this Mess

posted by on March 23 at 13:26 PM

Did you know that Evangelical Christians are not funny? No, I’m serious. You should watch this video and not laugh. It is not funny in the least.

Here we have the commencement ceremony at a public university in Texas. This young woman, the valedictorian, was allowed to give the (religious) benediction. Ah, but not your standard peace-be-with-you prayer. No, this benediction comes in two acts. Act two is what happens when Christians stop being polite and start getting epileptic. If you’ve never seen what Texas is like, what Evangelicals mean by “witnessing,” or what a for-real Pentecostal freakout entails, then please partake:

You see, when I first watched this video, I had that familiar adrenaline-induced queasiness. I was an Evangelical Xtian once. I did my fair share of witnessing. I recognized the breathlessness and the ballsiness of such a public stunt. Of course that feeling turned into one of sheer awe and disgrace as I realized toward the end (when the school’s president calls for an ambulance) that I recognized that dusty old curtain in back. And that seal on the podium, that looked familiar. Oh, shit; that is Dr. Rodriguez.

This was the university I graduated from. This was my hometown. AND [HORREUR!] I KNEW THAT BITCH. Mary Goddamn King and her fake-tongues-speakin’ ass.

Don’t worry about me, though, y’all. I got saved. I now regularly engage in the eucharist (of my boyfriend’s dick), and it is now I who am regularly blessed with the gift of tongues (guess where!).

RSS icon Comments


That was just freakin' creepy. I'm never around these type of people, and it is just too bizarre that they seem to see God as some mercurial demon whose wrath needs appeasing. I am so grateful I was not raised in that type of cult.

Posted by John | March 23, 2007 2:22 PM

I wonder if John Ashcroft had fits during his daily meetings in the DoJ? What a way to inspire confidence in your leadership!

Posted by Tlazolteotl | March 23, 2007 2:43 PM

What's interesting, to pattern off of John's comments, is the difference in the behavior of those who approach their God with respect but joyfully, versus those who approach their God with fear and terror, always begging for justice to be stayed and mercy, mercy, mercy.
I was raised Catholic, and I'm mostly glad for it, much as I disagree with many/most of the social justice positions of today's Church, but never on my worst day of religious instruction did I feel the type of fear that this woman seems to have integrated into her very existence. Sad.

Posted by torrentprime | March 23, 2007 3:03 PM

She was just feeling really guilty about her abortion.

Posted by The_Pope_Of_Chili_Town | March 23, 2007 3:25 PM

I love the aplomb with which the old guy just moves on. "Someone call an ambulance. Now let's begin the processional." Now there's a guy who's unimpressed with the Lord.

Posted by brie | March 23, 2007 3:28 PM

Aroint thee, bitch!

Posted by Broderickles | March 23, 2007 4:31 PM

And to think one of those freaks might sit in judgement or try to make laws that the rest of us would be expected to follow. I can't think of a better reason to fortify the wall between church and state.

Posted by Sargon Bighorn | March 23, 2007 6:51 PM

Wow, if this moron was the valedictorian the school must be full of complete fucking idiots. Spiraling down the drain this country is.

Posted by Giffy | March 23, 2007 9:43 PM

I've always found it fascinating how blatantly sexual these fits seem to be. She called on the lord like she was about to get there...and the supposed spiritual attack really just seems like an orgasm.

I guess if you're raised in repression, you gotta get your ya yas out somehow.

Posted by Sandy | March 23, 2007 11:52 PM


Shit, if being a Christian met I could orgasm, in public, at a moments notice, I would convert in a heart beat. Who needs masturbation, Viagra, etc, just (ahem) fill, your self with the holy ghost.

Posted by Giffy | March 24, 2007 8:05 AM

That made my day. I am proud to have filled myself with all forms of humanism. Humanism of the mind and the filling fullness of a human cock. I only worship what the mind can know and what the body can feel. Praise knowledge and praise sensation!

Oh wait.....that is not what she was enjoying. I wonder if the ignorant little lady knows that the Humanism she is attacking has it roots in the Greek and Roman worlds and was brought back in the later middle ages by.....hold on to you hats.... CHRISTIANS!!!! But that would require reading books filled with facts which is humanistic at it's very core.

And I hope she realizes that it is humanitic science that is going to take care of her at the hospital.

Posted by Andrew | March 24, 2007 10:48 AM

My buddy John and I originally posted that video of the Christian religious fit at the graduation. It's part of a series of videos I call "When Christians Misbehave." I have more on my YouTube site:
I'll be posting more such videos soon. If anyone has any video of Christians misbehaving to the degree shown in my videos, please let me know, and I can re-edit them and post them. I'm finding lots of this stuff, all real Christians, no actors, no scripts, and no logic. It's quite abundant, though the media doesn't show much of it.

Joe Zamecki aka aajoeyjo
Austin Atheist Activist

Posted by Joe Zamecki | March 26, 2007 11:35 AM

thanks, joe. thanks be to joe, joe who fills us with hope that people like him are doing what he does in this world of repressed lunatics and ignoramuses. may you live long so that you may keep on spreading the word, joe. amen.

Posted by ellarosa | March 26, 2007 1:08 PM

So ... speaking in tongues is a cross between a dry-heave and the female orgasam? Hrmmm ...

Posted by Ray | March 27, 2007 1:09 PM

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