Life Bitter Herbs
posted by on March 30 at 10:20 AM
I’ve been a bad Jew. My family was killed in the Holocaust, less my grandmother and her sister. Then my father, after being born and stuff, married a Catholic woman who carried her faith through the maternal line. So I’m only Jewish by genealogy. I was baptized and took Communion; I didn’t get circumcised or have Bar Mitzvah. I never once brought home a nice Jewish girl.
However, in a desperate attempt to connect with my ancestry, I attended my first Seder last year. Adding insult to long-standing injury, I even fucked that up – I got stoned before the feast.
Getting high during Passover didn’t seem like an offense at the time. But as Brendan slogged yesterday, my pot-activist brothers in Israel made the dour announcement that pot is on the “no” list for Passover. Harsh. If my fellow rope-smokin’ rabble rousers can even consider the inappropriate times to toke – with shells exploding around every corner – then skipping the dummy pipe for however long Passover is (I told you I’m a bad Jew), is some serious shit.
Forgive me, Y*****; I knew not what I did.
As for this year, unspoken one, I promise to stay in the clear. I will lay off that bitter herb indefinitely, and during the Seder feast I’ll be in heaven, or some place. I’ve always been more a friend of the vine than the stalk anyway. And the Seder is packed with lectures about morals, punctuated by slugging glasses of wine. That’s my kind of party, err, ceremony.
Is palm sunday on April 1 this year? That would be funny.
If you are throwing any herb away, throw it my way!
I didn't realize that pot rises when you cook it.
Jesus H Christ! What do you think the "H" stands for anyway?
It's nice to know you're uncut, Dominic. I've always wondered.
I've only been to two Seders, but I'd been under the impression that being stoned was a requirement.
I have pretty much the same background, and I have had an interest in learning about my Jewish background. I'm not giving up pot for it, though.
You've never brought home a nice Jewish girl? Dude, you're missing out. Jew chicks are the hottest!
Nope, Mike, I haven't. A few nice Jewish boys, though...
i'm a jew and i'm here to help. throw an extra * in "Y****." yahweh, if that's to what you're referring, is six letters.
See, I'm the wurst. It's fixed now.
The jewish fixation on orthopraxis has always seemed odd but amusing to me. Of course, orthopraxis is better than orthodoxis, if you feel you must subjugate yourself to some form of religious discipline.
I thought Hebrew used ideograms for letters ... guess my Jewish grandfather was lying, huh?
Besides, Jesus got high.
I don't know if your grandfather was lying; he might just have been confused. The glyphs in Hebrew are definitely part of an alphabet, and thus can be correctly termed letters; they certainly aren't the ideograms found in logographic systems like Chinese. But if you like, you can use "grapheme" for both.
nicely done, mr. holden. good stuff.
I'm of a mind that part of being a good Jew is being a bad Jew and feeling guilty about it.
Yay, another Cathwish! It gets so damn confusing this time of year, but hey, between Lent and Israel's abstinence, now you can kill two birds with one, um, toke. I mean, with no toke. Maneschewitz ain't that great, but each year it gives me hope people will get buzzed enough not to notice when I accidentally cross myself during the Seder...
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