TV American Idol: Sanjaya’s Appeal
posted by March 20 at 16:54 PMon
Okay. I don’t watch American Idol. I’ve only seen one episode of the epoch-defining reality show, and only because it was playing in the bar near my mom’s house in McHenry, Illinois. If I’d had the remote, I would’ve switched over to Olberman or something. Because I’m a freak. So I haven’t heard much about this guy—Federal Way’s Sanjaya Malakar—until I read Hump’s post earlier today about a woman going on a hunger strike until Sanjaya’s booted off the show. (Hmph. And some people thought I overreacted to Garrison Keillor’s idiotic column. I only wrote a couple of blog posts, people. I didn’t skip any meals.)
Anyway, I thought, the guy must be bad. A bad singer. Really bad—otherwise, like, why would this woman go on a hunger strike? And then… I picked up the paper, The Seattle Times, and saw Sanjaya’s photo on the cover of the arts section.
I don’t have an opinion about Sanjaya’s singing. I’m not going to run home and watch the show or vote to keep him on it. I don’t care if he gets booted off the show or not. I don’t care if that woman dies of starvation. But, um… gee. I’m ashamed to say it but I kinda can’t help myself: I wanna to fuck the shit out Sanjaya. Is that wrong? Am I alone? Okay, it’s wrong. He is just seventeen, if you know what I mean, and so it’s totally wrong, wronger, wrongest. And I’m a marriedish man. Husband, kid, poodle. But… Christ… shaggy-haired pretty boys with huge mouths? They give me migraines—the good kind.
I mentioned to Nipper that I felt like a dirty old man. He graciously admitted that he would do Sanjaya too—if you put his head on the body of a girl. Two other straight guys walked up and agreed. They would do Sanjaya too—provided he was provided with girl bits.
So perhaps the reason Sanjaya has survived on the show so long—he’s escaped past elimination rounds, I presume—is because Nipper and I are not alone. Maybe we’re not the only ones out there that wanna fuck this guy. Maybe there are lots of guys, gay and straight, who look at that face and think… well, I’m not going to say what I think, in case Sanjaya’s parents read this blog.