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Wednesday, February 7, 2007

Prince: He Wasn’t Masturbating… OKAY?!

posted by on February 7 at 12:59 PM

Just so you know, CBS and the NFL have had very few, if any, complaints about PRINCE masturbating behind a sheet during Sunday’s Super Bowl. During one part of his AWESOME performance (how DID he stay so dry??), he was allegedly performing a guitar solo behind a gigantic backlit sheet, which caused this effect:

princepenis.jpg

Here’s what the NFL spokesman had to say today to the few bloggers who accused Prince of masturbating:


“We respect other opinions, but it takes quite a leap of the imagination to make a controversy of his performance,” Aiello said. “It’s a guitar.”

Actually, Mr. Aiello, you’re wrong. THAT ACTUALLY IS PRINCE’S PENIS. The poor man has been deformed since birth, and it really hurts his feelings when you call it a “guitar.” I mean, C’MON! That doesn’t look anything like a guitar! (But it does look A LOT like Satan’s penis. Not that I would know anything about that.)

BTW! Here’s a ripped mp3 of Prince’s Super Bowl performance for those who want to relive the magic again and again. Thanks, Idolator!

RSS icon Comments

1

man, I know those 7th day adventists have stranger undergarments, but they deformed his unit THAT much?

Posted by Will in Seattle | February 7, 2007 1:14 PM
2

I blame those amazing silhouettes of Sgt. Rigsby.

Posted by COMTE | February 7, 2007 1:34 PM
3

Their just arguing semantics. Playing guitar like that IS masturbation, and just like masturbation, it is AWESOME.

Posted by Dougsf | February 7, 2007 1:43 PM
4

Best halftime show ever! Prince is still a freak!

Posted by Say Hello To My Little Friend | February 7, 2007 2:26 PM
5

It was a fabulous performance! And of course it was simulation of masterbation, HELLO! I was with a crowd of 30 people in my living room and all of us thought the same thing. Long live Prince!

Posted by Suz | February 7, 2007 2:37 PM
6

Ugh. Guitar solos should be against the law.

Posted by Fnarf | February 7, 2007 3:01 PM
7

Fnarf, Prince's guitar solos would be an exception to that law.

Posted by Amy Jo | February 7, 2007 3:28 PM
8

No, Prince's guitar solos are just more fire on Lenny Kravitz's bloated corpse.

Posted by Fnarf | February 7, 2007 3:57 PM
9

This was, without question, the best halftime show ever. It's the rare artist that can actually stick around for 30+ years, play 20+ year old songs, and still come off sounding so totally new, powerful, and amazing. At the Twilight Exit, where I was watching this projected onto a 6' x 8' screen, everyone was fucking dumbstruck, with people saying things like, "You just can't fuck with that man..." At the end of the show, it was like, "Fuck the game, let Prince play some more." (I'm sure the Bears fans would have preferred that, huh?)

Posted by Bookworm | February 7, 2007 4:04 PM
10

You're less of a Prince fan than me, Fnarf, but not by much. But I'd argue that Lenny Kravitz is like that Space Shuttle that broke up on re-entry, and Prince is like the Apollo mission that NASA had no radio contact with during re-entry, then they did and everyone cheered.

Prince had his little career brown-out, but he's managed to make something out of himself again and the people say hooray!

The sheet thing was snot-shoot dopey -- I'm glad I was largely stupified by halftime.

Posted by Lloyd Clydesdale | February 7, 2007 4:15 PM
11

During his career "brown out" he made some great music and did an incredible small-venue tour that was by far the best live performance I've ever seen from a musician.

I'm a little afraid that this whole Super Bowl thing will mean more fuckin' Key Arena in my future, but hey, glad people are noticing that he's still the best thing going.

Posted by Violet_DaGrinder | February 7, 2007 4:34 PM
12

I have no problem with classic Prince--I'm partial to "Dirty Mind" and "Controversy", but anything with gobbets of slurry synth is more than acceptable--but I wish he'd stick to the posing and leave the guitar noodling alone. To tell the truth, I'd rather see a reunited Gap Band than Prince any old day.

Posted by Fnarf | February 7, 2007 5:24 PM
13

On The Rise!

Posted by Lloyd Clydesdale | February 7, 2007 5:36 PM
14

Besides, isn't "best halftime show ever" up there with "mildest bird flu outbreak" on the list of compliments? Was it better than 93-year-old Mick 'n' Keef wobbling their jowls, but it wasn't as good as Paul McCartney's boring-but-workmanlike clumping through his garden of hits. There really isn't much to choose from, is there? I say bring back the marching bands. Have a battle. Grambling versus LSU. Kick some fucking ass for a change.

Next year I hear it's going to be Janis Joplin's embalmed corpse.

Posted by Fnarf | February 7, 2007 6:01 PM
15

Well Fnarf, you ARE right, ultimately. All these things are lame -- you're just surprised when someone (cough, like Prince) jumps up and gits ya. But, yes, the classic marching band stands up well over time and comes from that exciting well of effusive energy and latter-day innocence: College.

Still though, Fnarf: Look, a pinwheel! Now they're SPELLING something! You can't win. Let's see some javelin throwing one year maybe.

Adding to the funnier-as-they-age Halftime Show list, check out this mind-rape from Super Bowl XXXIV (2000 -- a mere seven years ago).

The "Show" and the musical performances are intertwined -- Phil Collins, Christina Aguilera, mimes, minstrels, etc, and whoever the christ the woman is at the end who is so obviously lip-syncing that the cameras won't go anywhere near her mouth again till the very end and za-zing! what the hell is she doing?!! Goddamn you Year 2000.

http://youtube.com/watch?v=xVBVJNex8co

Posted by Lloyd Clydesdale | February 7, 2007 6:37 PM
16

Will @1:
He's a Jehovah's Witness now, not a 7th Day Adventist. Easy mistake.

Posted by Tiz | February 7, 2007 6:39 PM

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