Sex On Bunnies and Toilet Trolls
posted by on February 14 at 15:27 PM
Frederick R., in the comments thread attached to Brendan “Heartless” Kiley’s suggestion on what to do about the poor widdle Woodland Park wabbits, agrees with Brendan on the bunnies issue. Kill ‘em, kill ‘em all.
But Frederick suggests two other targets for extermination…
Open Woodland Park to hunting. Dogs, rabbits, gay toilet trolls, etc. All game.
Yes, yes—kill the gay toilet trolls. Because men seeking consensual sex with other men in public places deserve to die.
Right?
Look, I don’t like the toilet trolls anymore than Frederick does. In fact, I may like them less. (I’m assuming Frederick is straight.) As a gay man, there are certain parks that I will always feel uncomfortable walking into. Because if you’re there and you’re gay, well, then you’re presumed—by straight people and other gay people—to be out there trolling for sex in toilets or bushes. Even if you’re not trolling for sex, you and your kind are “part of the problem.” For African Americans, “driving while black” is a crime. For gay, “walking in park while gay” is seen as somehow criminal.
And me? I don’t have sex in parks. But I would like to be able to walk my kid’s dog—a poodle, if you must know—in the park near my house—Volunteer Park, if you must know—after dark without getting dirty looks and/or offers. It creeps even me out, if you must know.
But toilet trolls aren’t harming anyone—they don’t rape people, and they’re pretty subtle. You usually can’t spot toilet trolls unless you’re looking for ‘em or obsessing over ‘em.
And if men on the prowl for sex are so offensive that they should be shot on sight, Frederick, then I suggest we begin by executing the far more numerous and far less subtle straight guys trolling Pioneer Square, Pike/Pine, Bellevue, and Belltown on Friday and Saturday nights.
Or is trolling for sex in public only okay when straight guys do it?
I think snooty people walking miniature* poodles are MUCH more detrimental to society than toilet trolls, and even they have a right to safety.
*Standard Poodles on the other hand ROCK.
Bunnies don't rape people either.
Hey, I did not pick this dog. I hate dogs. My kid picked it -- he wanted a toy poodle. Because a friend of his had one.
We're hoping this is the worst thing he does to us.
Sure Dan...blame it on your son...you would NEVER pick a poodle. After a public admission of liking show tunes, that argument is right up there with OJ's defense.
Oh, and on the "worst thing he does to us" front? You. Wish.
Yeah, 'danger, that's what we figure. One day he'll break our hearts. We don't doubt that at some point he's going to come home and announce that he's a born again Christian conservative--and that he just go an internship at the Weekly. But until that day comes, I'm going to pretend that the poodle is the worst he'll do to us.
wow, slow news day.
very slow news day
I pray that is true. The worst would be if he became a sex columnist. Pray he becomes a Catholic priest instead...
Gay Toilet Troll On a Stick
marinade
4lb deboned gay toilet troll backs and legs cut into small cubes
4tbl spoons olive oil
5cloves garlic minced
2tbl spoons rosemary
3tbl spoons parmesan cheese
salt and pepper
Place gay toilet troll cubes in combined marinade and let marinade over night
Place gay toilet troll on skewers {small portions} roll skewers in flour then in egg then in seasoned bread crumbs.
Heat a cast iron frying pan with oil and brown skewers in oil place browned skewers in roasting pan standing vertical and roast at 400 degrees for 40 minutes enjoy serve with a nice Niagara merlot
I'm not for killing (or cooking) anyone, but I hear your point on how gay park-sex cruisers make those parks especially inhospitable for other gay men. I live near the Arboretum and take my dog on his daily walks therein. However, he and I generally avoid the peninsula of land down by the water (bounded by the Lk Wash Blvd on- and off-ramps to 520) because we don't want to deal with the numerous gay men who walk that area (and its bushes) looking for a quick fuck. I also don't want my dog encountering their used condoms (if they even use them) or the cast-aside needles of some meth-addled bug chaser while he's looking for his tennis ball. I've thought about ways to combat this activity, such as starting an anonymous blog filled with the license plate numbers or even photos of these men, but frankly, I have better things to do. And why is this worse for me as a gay man? For the very reason you cite, Dan - if I go to that area, anyone driving by could rightly assume that I'm on the cruise, too. And I just don't want to be thought of that way...even though that peninsula provides both a nice big grassy field to chase the ball in, and immediate water access! My dog would love it.
Straight guys don`t follow you into the bathroom or girls into the bathroom for that matter and ask if they can suck your cock! I have gay friends and they have enough class not to proposition some one in the toilet. So yes Death to fucking toilet trolls!!!
Wow. This blog entry served, in the end, to do little more than establish that Dan has no clue how many worse things (than owning a toy poodle) his darling son can and will do to him in the course of his young & precious life - and to travel in a complete circle, as evidenced by the sentiment contained within pat's comment above.
FWIW, I agree that comments which advocate murdering people whose behavior is mostly just annoying and uncouth is entirely too angry.
Killing, no. I really am at a loss to address this issue. I agree that trolling creeps me out , but I know that it is pervasive in certain areas. I guess more policing in those areas would curtail trolling, but for the life of me... I wish it would just stop on its own. (Like that's going to happen). This has been my most frustrating post ever. Killing, No. Any suggestions?
I will sign up right now for volunteer corps duty to executing people in Bellevue.
#12: I'm sure Dan wasn't being ironic about the poodle. I'm sure of it.
Your analogy is weak because straights in Pioneer Square aren't having sex in the toilets or bushes if they score.
I'm not saying straight men are above that kind of thing; I'm saying women are above that kind of thing.
Anyway, that's why people don't hate straights trolling for sex: it isn't really the looking or the finding. It's when it gets to the actual fucking that it grates on some people's nerves.
Go figure.
AND the "toilet trolls" don't run back and forth in the outfield by the dozens while there is a baseball game on at the 90 foot diamond in Lower Woodland.
(It's a funny picture though. And if visiting youth baseball teams from Spokane or Yakima think the rabbits running back and forth are strange, imagine what they would think of "toilet trolls" running back and forth in the outfield as they were trying to SHAG fly BALLS....)
Elenchos, straight people never have sex outside? Women are above having fun out of doors?
Have you heard of this place called Lookout Point? If you google-map it, you'll find that it was there even back in the 1950s, in EVERY TOWN IN AMERICA. Obvs.
And what if straight people trolling for sex gets on *my* nerves?
politely decline and keep walking people. don't ruin this for everyone.
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