Hetero Got the Right Stuff?
posted by on February 6 at 9:42 AM
Well, that depends on your definition of “right stuff.”
A NASA astronaut who drove hundreds of miles to confront a romantic rival, wearing diapers on the journey so that she would not have to stop to use the restroom, appeared in court today facing charges that included attempted kidnapping, and was ordered released on $15,500 bond.The astronaut, Lisa Nowak, 43, who flew on a shuttle mission last summer, mostly kept her head down during the preliminary appearance in an Orange County, Fla. court….
The Orlando police allege that Mrs. Nowak drove 950 miles from Houston to Orlando—wearing adult diapers—and disguised herself in a dark wig, glasses and trench coat to confront Ms. Shipman in the parking lot of Orlando International Airport, according to a police affidavit. Mrs. Nowak considered her a rival for the affections of a fellow astronaut, Bill Oefelein, according to the affidavit.
The Orlando police said that Mrs. Nowak followed Ms. Shipman to a parking lot at the airport, where Ms. Shipman entered her car. Mrs. Nowak approached the car window and tried to open the door. When Ms. Shipman would not open the door, Mrs. Nowak began to cry, the police said. Ms. Shipman cracked the window, and Mrs. Nowak sprayed pepper spray into the vehicle.
Sadly, the adult-diapers-wearing astronaut has three children and a husband back at home—good luck at school, kids—and her husband isn’t the man she peed her pants or pepper sprayed her rival over. What really gets me about this story, though, is the diaper detail. She drove almost a 1000 miles in adult diapers? Wouldn’t a long drive like that, particularly in a puddle of your own urine, give you some time to think things over? And come to your senses?
In addition to diapers and pepper spray, Nowak brought along a BB gun, a steel hammer, a 4-inch folding knife, rubber tubing, and rubber gloves. (Oh, and some love letters) All the right stuff, I guess, if Nowak was planning to reenact that scene from Apollo 13 where they build an air filtration system out of spare parts—perhaps using spare parts carved out of her rival?
On the bright side, Mrs. Nowak is definitely 100% heterosexual.
Astronauts are used to this. From the Canada in Space website:
Q. Do astronauts wear diapers?
A. By Pauline Landry - School Programmes Officer at the H.R. MacMillan Space Centre in Vancouver
Astronauts wear diapers during lift-off, reentry, and while on spacewalks. As soon as the spacecraft reaches orbit astronauts remove their orange survival suits (diapers included) and put on regular clothes for the rest of the mission. Because astronauts sit on the launch pad, strapped into their seats for over three hours, they all have to wear diapers. Astronauts also wear diapers when they are working in space during spacewalks which normally last 5-8 hours. In both cases, changing out of the spacesuit to go to the bathroom just takes too long.
Well, that depends on your definition...
Insert groan here.
Literally, a real space cadet she is.
You cynical jerks. If you've never left your spouse and children, pissed on yourself, cried uncontrollably, pepper sprayed a rival, tried to disembowel that rival, or traveled in to space... YOU'VE NEVER BEEN IN LOVE!!!
So, that means she can get married and have kids, right?
I still want to be an astronaut. Nothing like having hot astronauts fighting over you ...
this is my favorite news item of the day, i even tuned in to the today show for detail.
i really wish she would have had a thermos of tang by her side, though. it would have really put this story over the edge.
this deserves to be a movie.
maybe a made-for-tv movie.. but a movie nonetheless.
Well, I can cross "astronaut" off my career aspirationas list. I plan to avoid diapers until there are no other options...
#7: no way, this has art-house black indie comedy written all over it.
Best part of this story? The man she flipped her shit over is ugly as sin.
The LA Times article lists items found on Nowak during her arrest: a steel malet, a four-inch folding knife,a BB gun, 3 feet of rubber tubing and plastic garbage bags.
The Times also lists Nowak's hobbies: running, playing the piano, and collecting African violets.
They should probably add "jealously hacking people up into bits".
I say that drugs were involved, perhaps meth. It wouldn't surprise me to hear that they give astronauts the stuff to keep them going, and she kept up the habit.
What exactly makes a person decide to throw on a diaper and sit in piss for a 1000-mile long-distance haul instead of pissing into a bottle?
Gatorade bottle and a funnel: look into it, it will keep your ass dry. Ask a trucker.
Didn't she have to stop for gas anyway? How long does it take to piss on the ground next to the car as you're filling the tank? Puhlease. There was no need for diapers OR a gatorade bottle.
no time for gas...must kill...
Gillsans @13:
FWIW, that's basically how boy astronauts used to "go" before the vacuum-suction toilet they have nowadays. But in any case I think pissing into a bottle - even with a funnel - while driving might be somewhat more problematic for the ladies.
Since she is 100% heterosexual I am sure that Pastor Hutch is perfectly fine with all of this. I mean at least she was not a lesibian!!!
Q: What does oral sex with a asrtonaut taste like?
A: Depends.
how many times do any of you pee or go #2 during a 1000 mile road trip?
3 or 4? 5 or 6?
Kim @ 7,
Coming soon to the Lifetime Movie Network: This woman stole her husband and/or baby to blasted off into space!
Meredith Baxter Birney to star!
David Bowie's Major Tom has been running in my head all morning.
While she is unquestionably batshit crazy, I'm more perplexed by NASA. I thought they screened the hell out of their astronauts before letting them anywhere near a space shuttle (or Apollo rocket, or whatever). How did this lunatic ever manage to get through the screening process?
roger that
http://www.spacefacts.de/bios/large/astronauts/nowak_lisa.htm
Seriously gang, I don't know why you-all find this so shocking - individuals in far lower-pressure jobs than Capt. Nowak lose it all the time. I challenge any one of you to put yourself in her shoes and convince the rest of us it couldn't potentially happen to you.
I mean, think about it: this is a woman who has voluntarily allowed herself to be strapped to the back of a machine capable of generating roughly 8 MILLION POUNDS of explosive force. One that pretty much everybody on the planet knows can blow you up real good due to the slightest miscalculation or error.
The question isn't, "why did she go bat-shit crazy", but rather, "why don't more of them go bat-shit crazy?"
Absolutely hilarious..., bat-shit crazy or perfectly sane, where did she tell the kids she was going? On a space mission for NASA in Fla.? My kids lose their little minds if I step outside with my hair a mess, let alone putting on an DIAPER, dressing up and going to beat up my illusion of a boyfriend's girlfriend. Uh? I mean how long did it take for her to go from oooohh, I like him - to - must get rid of the competition at any cost? I am very much in tune to the poster who thought that NASA rigorously tested the people that were going to be in the most challenging of positions as only going into outer space can be. What the hell..., I am use to the idiot customer service reps with little or no training, I am occasionally nonplussed by the nepotized non-specialists that exist in some fields where know-how is a plus like say..., I don't know FEMA but this is too much.
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