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RSS icon Comments on Gay Man Fighting His Late Partner's Family--For Control of Partner's Remains

1

It's funny how they want their son now ... after he's cold and dead. Does death straighten (pun intended) him out somehow?

Posted by Gloria | February 6, 2007 5:46 PM
2

This is heartbreaking. I've been to several gay Quaker weddings, and to have their union be so horrifyingly disrespected...that sucks.

Posted by quakergirl | February 6, 2007 6:22 PM
3

It's almost like it's not about the union at all, just about some parents deciding to pretend their son doesn't (or didn't) exist as an individual. I mean, what legal basis could they possibly have for ignoring his will? If they win, it'll be a bit broader than a gay rights thing, wouldn't it?

Posted by Lythea | February 6, 2007 6:46 PM
4

Dan - please send a note out to your readers to pledge money to Kevin-Douglas for help with his legal and life fees. This sounds like a very important case that could very easily win support. You have the platform and it will only take up a few lines of your column!

Posted by tera | February 6, 2007 7:00 PM
5

It seems a good argument for marriage in ANY committed relationship, not to lessen the point that gay marriage should be legal. If your parents are shits, it just seems like the kind thing to do, to protect your loved one from them.

Posted by Heidi | February 6, 2007 7:07 PM
6

Unfortunately, I've seen this happen a few times, and not just over internment issues: Sometimes they aren't even home from the funeral before the family comes in and strips the house.

And they say gay marriage would be immoral....

Posted by catalina vel-duray | February 6, 2007 7:37 PM
7

my uncle died unexpectedly this past summer, at the criminally young age of 53. he was a huge part of making me the person i am today. he was also my godfather.

i have long admired my grandparents (strict irish catholics) for accepting his homosexuality. my uncle was with his partner until the day he died -- a total of 32 years.

there was never a question about their acceptance within our family; with eight kids, my grandparents pretty much covered all ground and everyone was loved unconditionally.

my sister and i helped our surviving uncle get through those miserable first few weeks. each day was filled with a new sadness and it made me truly understand mourning.

my grandfather has now buried his wife and three of his children. at 87, he is a tough old guy and keeps his emotions in check. i've never seen him look older than the day we had to go to the house to collect his signature for my uncle's death certificate and various other legal matters.

there are a number of religious icons hanging in the house he shared with my nana. it did not stop him from using the lord's name in vain when telling me this:

32 years together and still [my surviving uncle] has no legal rights. it's a god damn shame.

my uncle did not have a family filled with hate. but, still, the fact remains: without a legal union, there is plenty of room to contest a will or ignore a dying person's last wishes, no matter how much time has been spent together.

to echo catalina above, that is immorality.

Posted by kerri harrop | February 6, 2007 7:56 PM
8

So, Dan, how about giving an address of a fund set up to help this guy pay his legal bills?

Posted by woodward | February 6, 2007 8:07 PM
9

If you click on the link in the first sentence, there's a PayPal link on that site to donate funds.

Posted by jforrest | February 6, 2007 9:23 PM
10

http://www.blogactive.com/2007/02/another-activist-headed-to-streetnot-by.html

This site linked by Dan for its article also has a PayPal link to help the surviving spouse fight off the awful homophobe parents' evil schemes.

I've given a tiny tiny amount. But if we all do, it can add up to a lot.

Posted by mirror | February 6, 2007 9:26 PM
11

my deepest sympathies go to kevin-douglas for his loss. when my husband died, there were several individual opinions, but as his wife... the only opinion that mattered to the funeral home director, was mine. i knew what he wanted, and his wishes were carried out... yes, there was drama from the opinions that didn't run in tandem with my husband's personal views. a troubled relationship with my in-laws was only amplified in the loss of their son. i wish the best possible outcome for this sad scenario, but experience tells me this family disagreement isn't isolated to this life moment. it sounds like this has been building for years. what is especially galling is the family of vultures who left this man to die, only to swoop in post-mortem and create a cruel drama for the one person that really did have their son's best interests at heart. good luck to you kevin-douglas, i'm on your side.

Posted by bijoubaby | February 7, 2007 1:10 AM
12

During the most horrible years of the AIDS death saga, this body snatch game by ofter long estranged family was common. And, I think compounded by the pervasive stigma of dying of AIDS back in the early years.

They were called the vultures. Often preaching repentance to the dying Queer in his last days hospital bed. Horrible shit...

This guy certainly deserves some help to fight off the vultures.


I witnessed it many times.

Posted by George Bakan | February 7, 2007 1:16 AM
13

His parents are trying to re-write history. If their son is buried next to his gay partner, he will be "gay" for the ages. If he is buried with the family, well...who will know the difference in 50 years?

I'm definitely giving $ to this cause.

Posted by libbertine | February 7, 2007 9:06 AM
14

This makes me so sad. I'm glad that the internet can be used, in this day and age, to so easily and conveniently donate to people in need.

Posted by Baxter | February 7, 2007 9:30 AM

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