Slog - Comments on From the Archives of The Onion http://slog.thestranger.com/2007/02/from_the_archives_of_the_onion In honor of Ted Haggard's being 100% heterosexual... Why Do All These Homosexuals Keep Sucking My Cock? By Bruce Heffernan Look, I'm not a hateful person or anything—I believe we should all live and let live. But lately, I've been having a real problem with these homosexuals. You see, just about wherever I go these days, one of them approaches me and starts sucking my cock. Take last Sunday, for instance, when I casually struck up a conversation with this guy in the health-club locker room. Nothing fruity, just a couple of fellas talking about their workout routines while enjoying... Copyright 2008 Tue, 06 Feb 2007 08:19:56 -0800 Tue, 06 Feb 2007 17:34:49 -0800 http://www.movabletype.org/?v=3.34 http://blogs.law.harvard.edu/tech/rss Comment by kinaidos I was going to remark that the Reverand Ted must have been helped by the patron saint of homosexuals. But it turns out that in spite of homosexuality's disease status among Catholics, there is no clear patron saint of homsexuality-as-disease, at least not in this (obviously definitive) list:

http://www.catholic-forum.com/saints/indexsnt.htm

The best I can come with is St Benedict Joseph Labre, the Beggear of Perpetual Indulgence (I didn't make that up). In fact his being listed as the patron saint of bachelors, unmaried men, people rejected by religious orders, and the insane. I'm guessing that combination is meant to be code for *homosexual*:

http://www.catholic-forum.com/saints/saintb09.htm

So perhaps the the Reverend Ted can think the Begger of Perpetual Adoration for his cure (no doubt effected by burying a statuette in his ass).

]]> kinaidos http://slog.thestranger.com/2007/02/from_the_archives_of_the_onion#c615186 http://slog.thestranger.com/2007/02/from_the_archives_of_the_onion#c615186 Homo Tue, 06 Feb 2007 08:47:56 -0800 Comment by Jessika Hey Dan, I keep meaning to email, or even call into the podcast, and ask your views on either the The Kinsey Scale or The Klein Sexual Orientation Grid.

Those just make way more sense to me. We humans are very complex, and sexuality hardly ever falls neatly into what we call heterosexual, homosexual, or even bisexual. Not to mention all the other types that are out there!

I just think if we start saying that it's perfectly normal for a person to be attracted to a person of the same sex and still consider themselves heterosexual, maybe there wouldn't be as much homophobia?

But then maybe I'm just too hopeful. There is the whole SnickerSuperbowl Ad.

]]> Jessika http://slog.thestranger.com/2007/02/from_the_archives_of_the_onion#c615233 http://slog.thestranger.com/2007/02/from_the_archives_of_the_onion#c615233 Homo Tue, 06 Feb 2007 09:03:14 -0800 Comment by Boomer And speaking of 100% heterosexuals:

http://www.nytimes.com/2007/02/06/us/06cnd-astronaut.html?hp&ex=1170824400&en=71a9bbaa8c20eb8a&ei=5094&partner=homepage

Maybe it's 'cause I'm trapped in bed with a whopper of a cold, but any story invovling both astronauts and adult diapers is aces by me.

]]> Boomer http://slog.thestranger.com/2007/02/from_the_archives_of_the_onion#c615248 http://slog.thestranger.com/2007/02/from_the_archives_of_the_onion#c615248 Homo Tue, 06 Feb 2007 09:20:03 -0800 Comment by Boomer And speaking of 100% heterosexuals:

http://www.nytimes.com/2007/02/06/us/06cnd-astronaut.html?hp&ex=1170824400&en=71a9bbaa8c20eb8a&ei=5094&partner=homepage

Maybe it's 'cause I'm trapped in bed with a whopper of a cold, but any story invovling both astronauts and adult diapers is aces by me.

]]> Boomer http://slog.thestranger.com/2007/02/from_the_archives_of_the_onion#c615247 http://slog.thestranger.com/2007/02/from_the_archives_of_the_onion#c615247 Homo Tue, 06 Feb 2007 09:20:03 -0800 Comment by Mr. Bill I suspect the good Revs methods of proving Ted NOTGAY look something like this:
http://www.bolt.com/lilbran/video/815552
And thanx for that blast from the past from the Onion...
Bruce is a hottie, no?

]]> Mr. Bill http://slog.thestranger.com/2007/02/from_the_archives_of_the_onion#c615338 http://slog.thestranger.com/2007/02/from_the_archives_of_the_onion#c615338 Homo Tue, 06 Feb 2007 10:21:40 -0800 Comment by Gitai Please, please, please find the article entitled "Church Offers Homosexuals New Life in the Closet," or something similar.

]]> Gitai http://slog.thestranger.com/2007/02/from_the_archives_of_the_onion#c615661 http://slog.thestranger.com/2007/02/from_the_archives_of_the_onion#c615661 Homo Tue, 06 Feb 2007 12:37:37 -0800 Comment by lee http://www.theonion.com/content/node/28799

]]> lee http://slog.thestranger.com/2007/02/from_the_archives_of_the_onion#c615680 http://slog.thestranger.com/2007/02/from_the_archives_of_the_onion#c615680 Homo Tue, 06 Feb 2007 12:52:01 -0800 Comment by Martin The question is, does Dan get letters like this to his sex advice column? Are there guys out there this deep in denial?

]]> Martin http://slog.thestranger.com/2007/02/from_the_archives_of_the_onion#c616245 http://slog.thestranger.com/2007/02/from_the_archives_of_the_onion#c616245 Homo Tue, 06 Feb 2007 17:34:49 -0800