Celeb The Ongoing Mystery of Anna Nicole’s Body
posted by on February 21 at 9:29 AM
The drama continues: According to Florida’s Local 6 News, the Broward County medical examiner has warned that Anna Nicole Smith’s remains are decomposing more quickly than expected, potentially jeopardizing a public viewing.
The speedy decomposition is fascinating enough—is that what happens to bodies made primarily of methadone and silicone?—but the ongoing mystery of the urge to gawk at Anna Nicole’s body is what really seizes my cerebral cortex.
After Anna Nicole Smith was found unconscious with a mouthful of vomit and soon pronounced dead, I was surprised by the number of straight men—smart, interesting straight men—who shared memories of “pulling one off” to images of Anna Nicole during their formative years. I remember when Anna was a gorgeous Guess model/Playboy Playmate, and I remember when she was a walking corpse with a sizey rack. Her reputation as an object of lust straddled both periods. Even when her insides were revealed to be muddled garbage, her basic shape—blonde locks, huge boobs—seemed to keep a measure of its allure. Which brought up a fascinating question: How empty, messy, and pathetic can a “sexy shape” be and still retain some sexual appeal?
Yesterday I got something of an answer, thanks to this video, slogged yesterday by Wm. Steven Humphrey, which proves once and for all that eroticizing Anna Nicole is the sexual equivalent of executing the retarded. The motives behind such an act may be understandable, but there’s simply no way to do it with a clear conscience.
Video was already slogged.
Did you hear the Broward County judge in the cadaver case is angling for his own TV show? Was I correct when I predicted this will drag on for months or years?
Is there such a thing as a filth magnet, a person who turns every person who comes within a thousand yards of her into a scumbag who should be killed? Is that type of person always a titty-heavy white girl?
Anna Nicole on her best day was less sexy than a blowup doll. That mouth! She was a parody of the Texas Gal.
She was a parody... period.
Really, David? You're surprised by the fact that people can still find someone sexually attractive even knowing they're a complete mental trainwreck in real life? I wouldn't think this was such a revelation.
Anna was beyond a mental trainwreck--Marilyn Monroe was a mental trainwreck--but Anna Nicole was a brain-dead sex clown. That her schtick still worked as erotica on some people does indeed surprise me, especially after reading the responses of Fnarf and Monkey above.
Didn't they say they don't know how she died? I thought the vomit thing was just a rumor.
where's the evidence of this vomit thing i've only been hearing about from "the stranger?"
Re: vomit. Official cause of death is indeed to be determined. But the maid who found Anna Nicole unconscious in the Hard Rock hotel told authorities about Anna's "mouthful of vomit."
Yeah, well, last time I checked, Floridian maids were the furthest thing from medical examiners.
Fine. I'll change it to the more precise "found with a mouthful of vomit."
But only because I admire your name so much, pamelasittstaineddrapes.
"Itt stained"?
Actually, I think the furthest thing from a medical examiner is a Florida medical examiner, not a maid.
Zing! Nice one, Fnarf.
Maybe the drapes were stained by graduates of ITT Technical Institute? I dunno.
Pamela Sitt writes about watching television for the Seattle Times. Stained drapes are arresting. Together, magic.
But God knows what it means.
The mystery could be cleared up with an apostrophe and an S, but no....
Straight guys got off on her image? Straight people are fucked up. Now if you'll excuse me, I have an image of Daniel Radcliff naked in front of a horse to masturbate to.
David, your analogical powers are superhuman. What would be the equivalent of sexualizing a bald Britney Spears?
Raping a homeless mental patient.
Bald Britney is ten times hotter than trailer-hair Britney, trust me. And, you know, those chicks in rehab are so, you know, vulnerable. Grrarrr.
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