Slog - Comments on A Comment Masterpiece http://slog.thestranger.com/2007/02/a_comment_masterpiece For the post Death and the Maiden, the man that is a mind called Fnarf provided the definitive statement on the woman that was a body called Anna Nicole Smith. Mocking the misfortunes of rich, talentless celebrities is the biggest form of entertainment there is. Anna Nicole's function in life was to be a continuous train wreck. There was no other reason to pay attention to her. There are millions of dumb, pretty girls out there, but only Anna Nicole was able to turn that into a riveting moral and physical collapse. That's the show. That's all there is.... Copyright 2008 Fri, 09 Feb 2007 11:07:56 -0800 Fri, 09 Feb 2007 15:41:49 -0800 http://www.movabletype.org/?v=3.34 http://blogs.law.harvard.edu/tech/rss Comment by Morgan And apparently she choked on her own vomit, which makes the trainwreck of her life a masterpiece in isself.

]]> Morgan http://slog.thestranger.com/2007/02/a_comment_masterpiece#c623795 http://slog.thestranger.com/2007/02/a_comment_masterpiece#c623795 Sex Fri, 09 Feb 2007 11:30:35 -0800 Comment by dwb I think "Whores Must Be Punished" would have been a more apt heading. Charles, I thought this comment stream was dead, can we please get back to some more serious Stranger issues like reinstating the burning of witches?

]]> dwb http://slog.thestranger.com/2007/02/a_comment_masterpiece#c623804 http://slog.thestranger.com/2007/02/a_comment_masterpiece#c623804 Sex Fri, 09 Feb 2007 11:40:31 -0800 Comment by Eric F At times like this, I google one of my favorite Frank O'Hara poems, which is helpfully posted at several sites.

Poem
by Frank O'Hara
(1964)

Lana Turner has collapsed!
I was trotting along and suddenly
it started raining and snowing
and you said it was hailing
but hailing hits you on the head
hard so it was really snowing and
raining and I was in such a hurry
to meet you but the traffic
was acting exactly like the sky
and suddenly I see a headline
LANA TURNER HAS COLLAPSED!
there is no snow in Hollywood
there is no rain in California
I have been to lots of parties
and acted perfectly disgraceful
but I never actually collapsed
oh Lana Turner we love you get up

]]> Eric F http://slog.thestranger.com/2007/02/a_comment_masterpiece#c623831 http://slog.thestranger.com/2007/02/a_comment_masterpiece#c623831 Sex Fri, 09 Feb 2007 11:53:54 -0800 Comment by Reverend Foot Take that, Chuck Klosterman.

To the rest of you, this is one of the first truly operatic pop culture deaths of the brand new century. Can we have our moment of asphixiating silence, please?

-Reverend Foot

]]> Reverend Foot http://slog.thestranger.com/2007/02/a_comment_masterpiece#c623848 http://slog.thestranger.com/2007/02/a_comment_masterpiece#c623848 Sex Fri, 09 Feb 2007 11:56:50 -0800 Comment by jameyb can you spell "asphyxiating" correctly?

]]> jameyb http://slog.thestranger.com/2007/02/a_comment_masterpiece#c623872 http://slog.thestranger.com/2007/02/a_comment_masterpiece#c623872 Sex Fri, 09 Feb 2007 12:06:29 -0800 Comment by kasa That is a fucking fantastic poem... thanks, Eric.

]]> kasa http://slog.thestranger.com/2007/02/a_comment_masterpiece#c623880 http://slog.thestranger.com/2007/02/a_comment_masterpiece#c623880 Sex Fri, 09 Feb 2007 12:08:45 -0800 Comment by Mike in MO I hate to say it, but that IS the perfect epitaph for ANS. Well written, fnarf.

And choking on her own vomit is the most appropriate way to end this disaster. Too bad no pics haven't surfaced. (yes, I am evil)

]]> Mike in MO http://slog.thestranger.com/2007/02/a_comment_masterpiece#c623931 http://slog.thestranger.com/2007/02/a_comment_masterpiece#c623931 Sex Fri, 09 Feb 2007 12:20:58 -0800 Comment by pretty please! Link to Fnarf blog?

]]> pretty please! http://slog.thestranger.com/2007/02/a_comment_masterpiece#c623935 http://slog.thestranger.com/2007/02/a_comment_masterpiece#c623935 Sex Fri, 09 Feb 2007 12:21:59 -0800 Comment by Eric Grandy Can we just publish this in next week's paper already?

]]> Eric Grandy http://slog.thestranger.com/2007/02/a_comment_masterpiece#c623953 http://slog.thestranger.com/2007/02/a_comment_masterpiece#c623953 Sex Fri, 09 Feb 2007 12:27:59 -0800 Comment by Jensen Interceptor FNARF via MUDEDE Wrote:
"Nobody wants to watch Courtney Love “sing” or “act”; we want to watch her fall off her shoes and scream curses at the....."

Gentlemen, on this one point, I believe you are wrong. I enjoy listening to Courtney Love's songs and her singing, and I hardly find her private behavior entertaining. I also thought the same of Jimi Hendrix and Jim Belushi, and wonder if you would be as critical of their artistic abilities versus their private failings as you have of Love's
or others you mention. If I am not incorrect, I do believe Hendrix and Belushi choked on their vomit too.

---Jensen

]]> Jensen Interceptor http://slog.thestranger.com/2007/02/a_comment_masterpiece#c623959 http://slog.thestranger.com/2007/02/a_comment_masterpiece#c623959 Sex Fri, 09 Feb 2007 12:38:57 -0800 Comment by Jensen Interceptor CORRECTION:

10: WHOOPS. Jim Belushi is very much alive. My sincere apologies, Jim.

The reference in No.10 should be
JOHN BELUSHI


---Jensen

]]> Jensen Interceptor http://slog.thestranger.com/2007/02/a_comment_masterpiece#c623967 http://slog.thestranger.com/2007/02/a_comment_masterpiece#c623967 Sex Fri, 09 Feb 2007 12:44:31 -0800 Comment by DOUG. Does Fnarf realize that Smith replaced Claudia Schiffer as the Guess? jeans model? To claim that she "never seriously... modeled" is factually incorrect, like many of Fnarf's ramblings.

]]> DOUG. http://slog.thestranger.com/2007/02/a_comment_masterpiece#c623970 http://slog.thestranger.com/2007/02/a_comment_masterpiece#c623970 Sex Fri, 09 Feb 2007 12:48:48 -0800 Comment by Eric Grandy Jim Belushi does not deserve your apologies.

]]> Eric Grandy http://slog.thestranger.com/2007/02/a_comment_masterpiece#c623982 http://slog.thestranger.com/2007/02/a_comment_masterpiece#c623982 Sex Fri, 09 Feb 2007 12:56:32 -0800 Comment by nomie malone @#10,11 The difference is, Jimi Hendrix and John Belushi will forever be hailed as troubled heroes, while Courtney Love and Anna Nicole, as well as most ladies who misbehave, will be remembered as tragic punchlines.

]]> nomie malone http://slog.thestranger.com/2007/02/a_comment_masterpiece#c623984 http://slog.thestranger.com/2007/02/a_comment_masterpiece#c623984 Sex Fri, 09 Feb 2007 12:58:42 -0800 Comment by Fnarf Oh, Jensen. Yes, yes, a thousand times yes, I have attacked Hendrix and Morrison and Janis and Kurt and all the other dead ones in a similar tone. Partly because I'm a contrarian bastard, and partly because I like to smash icons. I do think that the obsession with personality over performance is a problem; so that the dead icon is in part revered and obsessed over for his or her manner of death, when really it's the work that matters. And in the case of Hendrix et al. I'm not a fan of the work. For decades now it's been normal to treat pop stars as if they were deities, and dropping dead is one way to make that extra step towards deityhood. But I think deityhood is a harmful thing to want or to achieve. In MY view, which is contrarian, a figure like Hendrix is greatly reduced by his lifestyle and manner of death; whereas in most people's eyes, those things glorify him.

But Anna Nicole is a bit different, and more modern, because she didn't have an act. There isn't any "work" to criticize. I'm not a Hendrix fan, but he did have some skills and actually made some records and so forth. Courtney Love, I can give only part credit for; she's got some records, but they are friggin' awful garbage for the most part, ranging from third-rate Patti Smith ripoffs to Production Rock that is the responsibility more of the people she worked with rather than herself. And, of course, the vast majority of the people who avidly watch her antics have never heard her records. But still, she's a bit pre-modern, in her insistence on actually producing things; she's on the cusp. Anna Nicole stands proudly on the other side, even in death. But my point that hating celebrities is a more important form of entertainment now than music or acting or dancing or whatever still holds.

John Belushi I don't really have an opinion of. His humor didn't really reach me much, as it was mostly a celebration of vomitously gross excess. Funny at first, but increasingly rote and embarrassing as time went on. I think by dying young he spared his audience the spectacle of his continued decline, a la Chevy Chase. But, you know, it's not choking on your own vomit or even dying that is the center of my argument; it's the spectacle of celebrity brutality, and the rise of not just the occasional Zsa Zsa, but a whole generation of them, who have nothing to offer except their potential for generating scorn.

Pretty please: this is my blog, for better or worse. My other efforts can be found here and there around the internet -- you should hear me tear the intestinal lining out of Stevie Nicks on the indiepop list! -- but I'm not creative enough to have a blog. I react.

]]> Fnarf http://slog.thestranger.com/2007/02/a_comment_masterpiece#c623985 http://slog.thestranger.com/2007/02/a_comment_masterpiece#c623985 Sex Fri, 09 Feb 2007 12:59:34 -0800 Comment by Mike in MO Hendrix & Belushi were not famous for how they died or being jokes. Hedrix was famous for his incredible talent & Belushi was famous for how he lived, SNL & Animal House. Chokeing on their own puke was an ignominous end for them.

Anna Nichole was famous for 1) screwing and 89 year old, 2) having huge jugs, & 3) putting her trainwreck life on TV. Choking on her own puke was too dignified for her...

]]> Mike in MO http://slog.thestranger.com/2007/02/a_comment_masterpiece#c623989 http://slog.thestranger.com/2007/02/a_comment_masterpiece#c623989 Sex Fri, 09 Feb 2007 13:02:52 -0800 Comment by keshmeshi But my point that hating celebrities is a more important form of entertainment now than music or acting or dancing or whatever still holds.

It may be a more popular form of entertainment. I'm not convinced that it's more important.

]]> keshmeshi http://slog.thestranger.com/2007/02/a_comment_masterpiece#c623990 http://slog.thestranger.com/2007/02/a_comment_masterpiece#c623990 Sex Fri, 09 Feb 2007 13:03:28 -0800 Comment by BB Courtney Love was, for a time, a talented singer and actress. She is now—and has been for many years—a celebrity. The number of people who heard her sing “someday you will ache like I ache” or saw her in Sid & Nancy is nil compared to the number of people who know and appreciate her only as a fuckup celebrity.

]]> BB http://slog.thestranger.com/2007/02/a_comment_masterpiece#c623991 http://slog.thestranger.com/2007/02/a_comment_masterpiece#c623991 Sex Fri, 09 Feb 2007 13:03:59 -0800 Comment by Geni The parallel to Jayne Mansfield is kind of unnerving to me - another woman with very limited talent (although Jayne did make one funny movie) who got by mostly on displaying her mammaries, dying in a spectacularly tabloid fashion. Jayne Mansfield did leave behind a daughter who appears to have rather more talent than either of her parents. Time will tell for Anna Nicole's infant, I suppose.

And I have to beg to differ on Courtney Love. I know it's all fashionable and hip to rank on Courtney, but she's been quite good in a couple movies and made at least one excellent album, which is certainly more than I can say myself, and I'd venture to guess is more than most of her critics can say as well.

]]> Geni http://slog.thestranger.com/2007/02/a_comment_masterpiece#c623998 http://slog.thestranger.com/2007/02/a_comment_masterpiece#c623998 Sex Fri, 09 Feb 2007 13:17:43 -0800 Comment by dwb I love the piousness on here. I find it hard to judge Smith when I can't honestly say that I wouldn't marry an 89 year-old billionaire. I don't understand why the peanut gallery feels it has the right to judge the worth of people based on subjective evaluations of the talents of these celebrities. Hendrix had more talent in his left nut than you losers (and this loser). I'm tired of the flood of Zsa Zsa celebrities and this sexualization of basically everything, but I'm more tired of this sport of puritanical judging.

The poem that Eric F has posted is spot on, and it's even better hearing it read:

http://www.frankohara.org/fohaudio02/poemlana.html

]]> dwb http://slog.thestranger.com/2007/02/a_comment_masterpiece#c624036 http://slog.thestranger.com/2007/02/a_comment_masterpiece#c624036 Sex Fri, 09 Feb 2007 13:32:27 -0800 Comment by John > her “modeling” was really “stripping”.


That statement is incorrect. She actually did model, and was the Guess signature model for a number of years.

]]> John http://slog.thestranger.com/2007/02/a_comment_masterpiece#c624046 http://slog.thestranger.com/2007/02/a_comment_masterpiece#c624046 Sex Fri, 09 Feb 2007 13:34:58 -0800 Comment by Fnarf Stripping came first; that's where she met Mr. Marshall, in 1991. Then came Playboy, and then came Guess. The career would not have happened without the billionaire.

Talent, particularly guitar talent, is not always or often a very interesting commodity.

]]> Fnarf http://slog.thestranger.com/2007/02/a_comment_masterpiece#c624094 http://slog.thestranger.com/2007/02/a_comment_masterpiece#c624094 Sex Fri, 09 Feb 2007 13:46:36 -0800 Comment by Lloyd Clydesdale Ah, I remember the Guess days. ANK was The Woman who cracked an unknown seal off of my adrenals, fixing me forever and ever and ever on women with curves and squeezes.

]]> Lloyd Clydesdale http://slog.thestranger.com/2007/02/a_comment_masterpiece#c624117 http://slog.thestranger.com/2007/02/a_comment_masterpiece#c624117 Sex Fri, 09 Feb 2007 13:51:38 -0800 Comment by Monique @BB: Courtney Love as a talented singer or actor??? She has consistantly sucked her talent from those around her (kurt, billy, etc). So fuck her. I can scream lyrics that other people helped me write, but that doesnt make me a "singer", let alone a good one.


And while I am on the subject, most people from Seattle fucking hate her. So are you from Seattle BB? Just curious.

]]> Monique http://slog.thestranger.com/2007/02/a_comment_masterpiece#c624136 http://slog.thestranger.com/2007/02/a_comment_masterpiece#c624136 Sex Fri, 09 Feb 2007 14:03:40 -0800 Comment by Deb Occle Talent, particularly guitar talent, is not always or often a very interesting commodity.

Oh you card.

]]> Deb Occle http://slog.thestranger.com/2007/02/a_comment_masterpiece#c624141 http://slog.thestranger.com/2007/02/a_comment_masterpiece#c624141 Sex Fri, 09 Feb 2007 14:11:58 -0800 Comment by longball A sobering dose of perspective in 3, 2, 1...
http://www.dailykos.com/storyonly/2007/2/9/121053/1380

]]> longball http://slog.thestranger.com/2007/02/a_comment_masterpiece#c624243 http://slog.thestranger.com/2007/02/a_comment_masterpiece#c624243 Sex Fri, 09 Feb 2007 14:45:31 -0800 Comment by Fnarf It's 3,118 now.

]]> Fnarf http://slog.thestranger.com/2007/02/a_comment_masterpiece#c624266 http://slog.thestranger.com/2007/02/a_comment_masterpiece#c624266 Sex Fri, 09 Feb 2007 14:50:26 -0800 Comment by nancy o. Fnarf, funny you should mention Zsa Zsa, because her current husband Prince Frederick von Anhalt is claiming that he might be the father of Anna Nicole's daughter:

http://www.forbes.com/feeds/ap/2007/02/09/ap3413732.html

]]> nancy o. http://slog.thestranger.com/2007/02/a_comment_masterpiece#c624315 http://slog.thestranger.com/2007/02/a_comment_masterpiece#c624315 Sex Fri, 09 Feb 2007 15:02:45 -0800 Comment by BB Yep Monique, I’m from Seattle, and I said “talented for a time” for a reason. Perhaps adding “very brief” would have clarified my comment. Did she use others for her talent? Sure. But I don’t buy the individualist Western mythology of the last 3,000 years that our artists arrive as fully formed sui generis creative geniuses.

Who, after all was Frank Sinatra without an army of producers, songwriters, arrangers, musicians, publishers, publicists, and Count Basie to back him up? Quite likely a guy with a good voice hustling for child support money on a street corner. Lennon or McCartney without each other? Painful listening for the most part, that’s what.

So she used others? We are not universes unto ourselves.

]]> BB http://slog.thestranger.com/2007/02/a_comment_masterpiece#c624349 http://slog.thestranger.com/2007/02/a_comment_masterpiece#c624349 Sex Fri, 09 Feb 2007 15:28:14 -0800 Comment by Fnarf Nancy o.: No way! I'm the fuckin' fadda! Daddy needs a new Cadillac!

Frank Sinatra was an artist, that's what he was. A genius singer. To compare him to the caterwauling of Courtney Love, whose records would all be greatly improved by removing her contributions to them. Stamp on a cat's tail, it's about the same.

]]> Fnarf http://slog.thestranger.com/2007/02/a_comment_masterpiece#c624369 http://slog.thestranger.com/2007/02/a_comment_masterpiece#c624369 Sex Fri, 09 Feb 2007 15:33:24 -0800 Comment by Fnarf BTW, that Zsa Zsa story is unmissable. Royalty, baby. At one point the Prince, who was married to Zsa Zsa though 30 years her junior, and having an affair with Anna Nicole, who was married to 9,000-year-old J. Howard, offered to ADOPT her in order to fulfill her life's ambition to be a princess, but Zsa Zsa wouldn't sign the papers. As a sex partner, apparently Anna was "the top, you know", but as a prince, Frederick might leave a little to be desired:

"Von Anhalt's royal credentials have been the cause of speculation over the years. According to stories in the British press, he was born Robert Lichtenberg, the son of a German policeman, and bought his title after being adopted as an adult by a bankrupt daughter-in-law of the last kaiser."

Where's the guillotine when you need it? Poor Anna Nicole could never keep up with that class of scumbag.

]]> Fnarf http://slog.thestranger.com/2007/02/a_comment_masterpiece#c624384 http://slog.thestranger.com/2007/02/a_comment_masterpiece#c624384 Sex Fri, 09 Feb 2007 15:41:49 -0800