Housekeeping I Confess! It Was Me! I Did It! I’m Glad I Did It! I’d Do It Again!
posted by on January 24 at 17:31 PM
If you read Eli Sanders’s excellent pre-Christmas angstfest—“The Jewish Problem”—perhaps you remember this passage:
Lately, as Seattle becomes more sophisticated, and people here travel to and from bigger cities, where they learn that all the cool kids in the really big cities tend to be down with the Jews, I’ve been presented with a new type of awkward encounter. This one involves the Seattle hipster who wants to prove that he’s so down with the Jews that he’s able to make harsh fun of them, to their faces, in front of his friends.
A lot of Eli’s hipster friends worried that he might talking about them—all his goy hipster friends, anyway, were all stressed out about it. Eli wrote one Slog post about the fallout; Christopher Frizzelle wrote another in which he speculated about whether he was the guilty hipster. While I don’t think of myself as a hipster—I hung that hat up when I stopped doing drag and started changing diapers—I’m pretty sure Eli was talking about me. I think he threw out that “hipster” ID and placed the offense at a “party” to mask my identity. (Or maybe he did it to maximize the guilty—all his hipster friends felt bad, all assumed they were the evil one!)
And how am I sure that I’m the guilty hipster? Well, because… because of this…
That’s a six-foot-tall statue of Jesus. And it’s standing right behind Eli Sanders’s desk. And I put it there. I put that statue there as a joke, you see, because Eli is Jewish. And that’s a statue of Jesus. Get it? Eli is Jewish and that’s a statue of Jesus Christ, founder of Christianity, rejected Messiah, and so totally ascended into heaven!
I had originally planned to to move that statue around the office, leaving it behind the desks of other prominent Jews on the Stranger staff, but I’m pretty lazy and so He’s remained with Eli for months now. And guess what? Eli, who’s so sensitive about perceived slights, has been slowly desecrating my statue of Jesus Christ! The picture above? That was Jesus then. Check out Jesus now…
Tsk-tsk. Eli wants us all to respect his beliefs, and we’re supposed to feel sorry for him because he got picked on at a party, but does he respect my Lord and Savior? Look again at what Eli did to Jesus! Defenseless, plaster-of-Paris Jesus! A viking hat? A bag of cookies? Half a skateboard? A can of olives? A wind chime?
Now who’s making harsh fun of whom?
"The Sinner Is Already Lost"
—John 3:36
I want that helmet. I'll take the shirt too.
Something about the way He is holding the skateboard just tickles my pickle to no end.
THERE ARE COOKIES IN THIS OFFICE??? RIGHT NOW?
Where did you get a six-foot-tall statue of Jesus?
At the six-foot-tall-statue-of-Jesus shoppe.
You should see my decapitated Jesus station of the cross.
Making Jesus hold a skateboard is so eighth grade. May God forgive you all.
Relax Ari, no cookies... just grass jelly and pickled cabbage. This is The Stranger you know.
Viking Jesus is so much better than Regular Jesus.
Making fun of Jews is so totally passé. Only Jews can do it right anyway. Like Sarah Silverman. Go make fun of your own cracker faggot ass, Dan. :>D Oh wait, you do. heh. uh, heh?
I've said it before, and I'll offer again:
I'll be happy to come in and organize things in that office. Eek!
I’ll organize and alphabetize, and you will love it... long time.
People have you guys all wrong. He's just helping get The Word out to today's hard-to-connect-with "x-treme" youth. A new, improved, IN YOUR FACE Jesus is just the ticket!
YOUR Lord and Savior?? Dan, you have no standing...
ha, this reminds me of that time when the columnist lady said that you (Dan) were looking to convert.
Hey, I was raised Catholic. And I'm sensitive too, like Eli.
True desecration would have been putting a pork chop in Christ's mouth. HMMMMM pork chop!!
Everyone know that vikings never wore horns on their helms.
@17 - Their loss, because it looks fucking rad.
You meant to write "...harsh fun of whom", right? 'cuz you guys are supposed to be role models and shit. Jesus.
When are you going to start a Hey Hebe! column like the old Savage Love?
Is that January 11-17 issue of The Stranger in the same spot (top of the file cabinet) in both shots? Does that mean this was actually all just thrown together today to make for an "interesting" Slog post?
Slog comments: where everybody's a copy editor.
@21 Now that you mention it, the half a skate board, styro cup, and partially opened file cabinet drawer are all in the first photo, just moved about a bit, kinda like the Savior...(except the file drawer isn't moved, just the angle of the shot). It might appear that Editor Savage needs to hire a new "continuity director" (see the Ari & Andy vs. SOTU gaffe).
Oops! Paper cup.
I scrolled down to that second picture and choked on my bagel. Reminds me of my high school when we regularly put strands of beads and big floppy women's hats on the statue of St. Joseph outside the main entrance.
http://www.jesusdressup.com/
We didn't take a picture of Jesus when we installed him, but when I wanted to write this post. So we had to strip Him off the t-shirts, tins of food, wind chimes, etc., and return Him to his pristine, pre-desecration state.
But we don't run out and buy six foot tall plaster statues of Jesus just to make interesting blog posts. We turn a profit around here (more than some can say), but we're not Conde Friggin' Nast!
I keep my skateboard on top of a filing cabinet. I hope the druids aren't offended at my desecration of paper, made from trees.
That is the funniest story and pictures!!! Would that we all could work in an office like that.
Isn't it considered appropriate and constitutional for one minority to offend another minority? Oh wait, what about a double minority like a gay jewish person? Dan, you're white but a single minority....Now if Eli is Jewish and Gay then no, you cannot begat him with anti semetic statements or actions, nor may you ridicule his homosexuality, but he in turn can call you a fag. See how that works? Its the Old Testament-Moses's law(which Eli will relate to...)addage, an eye for an eye.....your(his and yours)eyes dont match so I say you are the hipster he was referring to.
(I'm a fag by the way and you(Dan)and I can say that to each other)
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