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Monday, January 29, 2007

Super Bowling

posted by on January 29 at 11:11 AM

With the Seahawks’ season over, I imagine only the hard-core sports junkies will want to read any slog items about the upcoming Bears-Colts game, but I cannot help myself. Plus, sports teaches us a lot about America. Really.

Of all the cases of cultural gigantism which afflict our great nation, few compete with the relentless hype of Super Bowl week. As we drive to giant outlet stores in gas-guzzling hummers, drinking super-sized beverages—hey Seattle, thanks for inflicting on the rest of the world coffee joint where even a small is “tall”— the radio airwaves will be full of what you get when you unleash a nation’s entire body of sports journalists on a single game, and give them six days to fill yards of newsprint and days worth of dead air… lots of information, lots of bullshit.

But is that necessarily a bad thing? If I may briefly channel our former Defense Secretary, too much information at least allows you to ignore things you don’t care about rather than not knowing things you might care about if you knew about them. I’d actually argue that the rest of the Fourth Estate could learn a thing or two from the media pack that will be gnawing on every dry bone it can find in Miami. If the White House Press Corps took on Bush the way that sportswriters take on the Super Bowl teams, we’d not only know what W was doing during his national guard stint, we’d have the life stories of every bartender, coke dealer and cocktail waitress who kept him amused during Viet Nam.

Plus, without the Super Bowl, how would Americans, deprived of classical educational standards, ever learn their Roman Numerals?

From the great Zay Smith

QT Super Bowl XLI Countdown Update:

A survey has found that XIX percent of Americans who plan to watch the Super Bowl are more interested in the TV commercials than the game and V percent are more interested in the snacks.

The snacks will include XI million pounds of potato chips containing XXVII billion calories and II billion grams of fat — not counting the XLIV million pounds of guacamole the chips will be dipped into.

There is a XX percent increase in antacid sales the day after a Super Bowl, by the way.

RSS icon Comments

1

Men's Fitness magazine ranks Chicago as America's 5th fattest city and Indianapolis as #13 (Seattle is the "fittest", by the way). I'm hoping for a close, exciting and heart-stopping Super Bowl that will help cull the herd of overweight Midwestern football fans, saving the rest of us from the burden they put on our national health care system.

Posted by DOUG. | January 29, 2007 11:53 AM
2

I'll be watching just to see Rex Grossman fall apart like a cheap siut.

Posted by Rujax! | January 29, 2007 12:08 PM
3

Via Atrios, here's another reason to support the Bears. Indy coach Dungy supports the anti-gay Indiana Family Institute.

Posted by Gabriel | January 29, 2007 12:14 PM
4

top secret fact: starbucks has a size smaller than tall. it's called "short".

Posted by josh | January 29, 2007 12:19 PM
5

Gabriel -- Seemed like the entire Colts organization owed it all to God judging from the rah-rah postgame last weekend. The Mighty God has revealed himself as a finally fickle Patriots fan. Figures.

Posted by Lloyd Clydesdale | January 29, 2007 12:43 PM
6

Antacid sales will be way up in Chicago the day after the Colts beat the Bears to a pulp.

Posted by J.R. | January 29, 2007 12:45 PM
7

Thanks for that link, Gabriel. That sheds an interesting light on Dungy's son's suicide last year.

Posted by DOUG. | January 29, 2007 1:15 PM
8

After some back and forth with others over their predictions and analysis, plus seeing the hype spread over the Colts' offense and Peyton Manning's ability, plus Rex Grossman's propensity for spectacularly bad performances... I stand by my 'Bears by 2 touchdowns' prediction. On top of the Bears' punishing D, getting to play in warmer climes than Chicago, and the Colts having to play outside in this game, Grossman loved the spotlight while playing college ball in Florida (oh, BTW, Miami is in Florida, last I checked), and something tells me he's going to have a massive game, while Peyton struggles.

Posted by Gomez | January 29, 2007 2:31 PM
9

Also, 98% of people in pro sports are giant Christian homophobes (how many athletes have you seen come out in today's more enlightened times? Exactly), so Dungy's support of an anti-gay church isn't a huge surprise.

My mother's anti-homosexual. I should disown her.

Posted by Gomez | January 29, 2007 2:34 PM
10

The NFL's a lifestyle that cashes a good check.

Posted by Lloyd Clydesdale | January 29, 2007 2:53 PM
11

Wait -- we have a national health care system?

Posted by Dan Savage | January 29, 2007 4:42 PM

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